How to motivate my boyfriend to get a job?

We are 21 and 22 years old and we still live with his parents. I have a full time job and work 5-6 days a week. Whereas he doesn't do anything but sit at home and play video games or doing a bunch of irrelevant things for his parents around the house and yard.
He will make comments about wanting to save up money for our own place and says things like "Yeah I really need a job" but never commits to his statements. He knows I can't do it alone.
His mother is in no way helping the situation. I pay her $100 a week to stay here, plus I buy all of the household needs (shampoos, laundry soaps, toilet paper, dog food for her dog, dish soap, cigarettes, and always chip in for fire wood and propane). She also is collecting food stamps for me, my daughter and my boyfriend - which I was unaware of until two weeks ago. She is always yelling at my boyfriend and telling him to get a job but then will turn around and tell him that he can't work Monday through Friday until after 5pm because he needs to watch his brothers for her and he can't work anywhere that's too far away (which leaves literally two stores to choose from who aren't hiring).
We had our own place two years ago a and she was a huge part as to why we had to move out. I worked full time and he had a part time job right down the street. She would come pick him up randomly and make him miss work because she "needed him". So he lost his job and I couldn't afford the place on my own.
With her influence, he is clinging to this "free housing" (as he calls it, though I'm spending $700+ a month to be here) and is not motivated to get a real job. What can I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ask him to come up with a well thought out plan that includes you and your kids (his family) to live independently.

    • You might want to remind him this will promote him as a good role model for the kids.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Good God.. When will you wake up and smell the coffee? .. All you have in your "miserable" life are a complete bunch of low-lifes, or should that simply be.. Parasites.

    • Well, I would move out but I can't afford a place on my own. I would go to my mothers house but my brother was diagnosed with Leukemia a year ago and my babies often get sick so they can't be around my brother too often. If he gets sick it could be fatal. I'm really not even sure what to do right now. His mother has always been like this but recently its gotten worse. She's surviving off of my income.

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    • Am so sorry.. For once in my life am at a loss in giving you any advice.. I really, really do feel dreadfully sorry for you.

    • Thank you so much for the MHG. :)

      I do so hope you have things a little more under control, or perhaps even sorted out.

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What Guys Said 2

  • sorry love but you are stuippid. you have destroyed your own life. the situation you brought yourself into is irreversible. i really hope for a miracle in your life.

  • Is there anyone else you can stay with? I'm not being funny here but you are dating a Momma's boy. He doesn't want to break off his Mom's apron strings and she doesn't seem to want to let him go and that's unfair on you. What can you do? If you can stay with someone else I would move in with them. If your boyfriend wants to break away from his Mom's apron strings then he can come with you and get a full time job. He needs to start taking on some responsibilities in this relationship but he won't while his Mom is dictating what he can and cannot do and while you are willing to hand over $700+ a month to his Mom.

    • The only other person I could move in with is my mother. But my brother got diagnosed with Leukemia a year ago and my kids get sick a lot so they can't be around my brother all the time, as it could be fatal. And I really don't have any friends anymore. My working all the time has caused it so I have zero time for friends. So I literally have no where to go.

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    • Unfortunately there is no other family member that I could move in with. I have cut most of my family members out of my life because, much like his mom, they are just all around toxic people.

    • That's a shame, but yes I honestly have no advice other than to try and talk to him again and keep on badgering him.

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