How can I convince my boyfriend to stop taking orders from his toxic mother?

My boyfriends mother is an all around toxic person. She refuses to let him make his own decisions even though he is 21 years old. She is constantly telling him that we aren't raising our children right and tell him how to be a better parent. Resulting in him becoming an asshole for weeks on end because mommy destroyed him and his ego. She will try convincing him all the time to move back home for a couple years so that he can save to buy a place rather than rent (cause she's a real estate agent and "knows what's best"). Every time he gets a job she will pretty much do everything to make him quit. Telling him that he deserves more than $10 an hour and that he should continue to look, leaving me to pay all the bills by myself and put us into debt. She also is collecting food stamps for us and our two children even though we don't live with her. And he stands beside it because she is "hard up" and needs the extra food (leaving us to pinch pennies constantly for food where he has once again quit his job for her). She will also try convincing him to kick me out of our home and say that it "isn't my place" even though I pay literally every bill we have and he hasn't paid a dime. He is constantly pulling money from our bank account to give to her so that she can pay her car and phone payments. I am now $6000+ in debt because of her and him and I can't even so much as get a student loan so I've been paying for college out of pocket recently.
Oh and to top it all off, she is now trying to convince him to move 3 hours away to go to college on campus. He's honestly considering it. He knows it will completely screw up our relationship and the future of his kids because right now we are relying on his tiny extra income from him doing odd jobs like mowing peoples lawn just to pay bills. How can I convince him to stop listening to this horrid woman who seems to be trying to destroy us?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ask him why he bothered to start a future and family with you if he wasn't ready to leave home ( his mom ) . It will make him a little angry to begin with but tell him the kids are the priority here that the two of you CHOSE to be together and no one else did. Ask him to name the positive things that he knows of that his mom has done for your/his family , then list the things that you know she has done to tear it apart


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm afraid I'd tell them both exactly what you just said, tell them you're not putting up with this shit anymore and in all honesty you'd be a lot better off without the two of them bleeding you dry.

    He needs to step up and be a responsible father, get a steady job and pay his share. Quit being a mommy's boy, and if her advice about saving money is that great, why is she relying on handouts from you?


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What Guys Said 2

  • "How can I convince him to stop listening to this horrid woman who seems to be trying to destroy us? "

    - at this point he knows where you stand and there's nothing you can do about it. If you strong arm him into no longer letting the influence of his mother affect your relationship, he's only going blame / resent you for any shortcomings that follows.

    I understand you only want to the best for everyone but this needs to be done at his pace and when / if he's ready.

    Advice: If i were you, i would make it clear where you stand and what you'll tolerate and he needs to abide by it. If his relationship with his mother becomes too stressful but i would consider taking time away from the relationship. If you keep going the way you do.. we both know what will happen.

  • Tell her this. Everything you just wrote. Print it and give it to her.

    • She already knows. She doesn't care.

    • Show All
    • Guess you're right. Thank you

    • No problem

What Girls Said 1

  • If he's willing to destroy your relationship because of what his mother thinks and says then you're better off without him. You should have moved out a long time ago, taken the kids with you. Moved in with your parents or something.

    • I would have moved in with my mom if I could have. There are situations within her household that have prevented me from doing so.

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    • Lol good point!

    • I dunno, you could just try explaining your situation to them and let them make that judgment. Maybe they'll sympathize, maybe they won't. At least it's worth a shot in my opinion, since she is behaving like a dick and getting your boyfriend to behave like one too. She's clearly being manipulative which could count as abuse, so I dunno.

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