My friend and I were casually talking about guys and she dropped the term 'give withdraw repeat'. I hadn't heard of it so I googled and this is what I found (copied directly).
I think it's not necessary and everyone should be honest, but I'm curious if more girls, or guys even do this?
You start out by giving the man attention: appear interested, give him your number, set up a date. You are giving.
Then, you cancel the date at the last minute. This is withdrawing, and it puts the man in a tizzy. He will be hurt and confused, not understanding what happened. He was so close!
This is related to what psychologists call an irregular schedule of reinforcement. The sudden withdrawal of reward paradoxically makes the subject try harder and get even more invested. In dolphins, when you suddenly stop giving fish for a jump, they start to jump higher for their reward. (If you stop giving fish altogether, you get extinction, and they jump less.)
Once you withdraw, it's time to give again. Now you call him and apologize profusely (which is different from flaking, where you're not invested at all and simply vanish into Flakeville, a neighborhood in LA). Some emergency came up, it could not be avoided, so sorry, can we please reschedule? You'll make it up to him. Really.
You're showing that you actually cared, but just couldn't show up for reasons beyond your control. It wasn't your fault, you swear. Usually, he'll be pleased enough by your continued interest to accept your apology and agree to reschedule. Poor sucker.
You've just given, so now you must withdraw again.
Most Helpful Guy
the problem with trying to use these techniques on humans as that a lot of them have awareness and what you deal out they return in kind. It sets up the rules for a relationship. It's a dangerous thing to play games when you can just be who you are.2
Most Helpful Girl
I didn't even read all this and I already know it's stupid and immature. I'm talking to a *teenager* whos doing the exact same thing but at least she can say she's stil an actual child instead of just trying to act like one.
This is not how you build a healthy long term relationship. This is how you build a disaster. How much can you really get out of a situation when you constantly think of your partner as a"sucker"? What's waste of time.3