Soulmate? Or nothing special?

My new relationship after 4 months is very comfortable. My last (my first love) was a kind of insanity that I'm not sure I want to repeat - feeling sick when they go away, needing them. This guy I don't need, I just like having him around and I worry it's not enough (we're not in love yet, will it happen?). Then today I read some opinions on soul mates. one said "you pick someone and make it work", another "you just accept and learn to be with someone, you choose to settle". Your thoughts?


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  • I really think that they it quite possible to find your soul mate in many many people. The person you pick to be with you forever and ever is just someone you said you just best friended and care much more about than the rest of the pack. The thing is eveyone is not perfect and its most likely you going to made a huge mistake. I really really really hope that love is real that I can find my best friend someone who gives me mutal love and keeps me excited. The time I spent single and alone has taught me not to want. I don't think I'll ever meet someone and I just now only hope for a friend and nothing more. I kinda get super disappionted because I know I won't get what I want which is the whole attractive and great personality and that kinda hurts. I feel like I am looking for the impossible so I give up. I am encouraging people that if they meet someone they like to take that chance but for me I haven't found it. So many things could go wrong with a soulmate like death or cheating or prision or an addiction... i know i sound negative but ugh... i am all over the place.

    • You're only 20! Seriously, don't worry. I'm in my 30s, and had been alone so long. As for the "whole package", I think that when you start to care for someone they become more attractive etc. I know the more time I spend with my patner the more beauty I see in him. There's just no butterflies...

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    • If you're depressed it will be hard to find someone that's right for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help, I had to once in the past :) I was single for 8 years after my ex, and was sure I'd be single forever. Learn to be happy on your own - read, enjoy nature etc etc. and be very patient. Don't look for it.

    • Hahaha... I am not looking for it. I accept that I will be alone. and yes I am looking for help.

  • I think that it's too soon for you to say. I'm inclined to believe that your last relationship was unhealthy because that is the textbook definition of codependency.

    Just take it slow with the new guy. It doesn't need to be anything serious right away. Let it go where it will.

    • There's a bit of an issue... he's from overseas. He moved countries to be with me. He's now back home for a visit and I need to decide if it's right that he comes back...

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    • I guess it's hard not to compare to the ex that I fell in love with after a few weeks!!! Thanks :)

    • Things that start quickly tend to burn out just as quickly. Give it time.

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