I went on a date with a guy from an online dating site and it seemed great, but he has texted & not called?

This past Sunday, I went on a lunch date with a guy from match.com. We ate and filled the time with small talk. We were there for 2 hours max. He was blushing and talking quietly the whole time. His body language said he was interested (ie, leaning/turning towards me as we talked). He asked what I was doing for the rest of the day, but I had plans made for that afternoon.

When we left, we both parted to walk separate ways. I said that I had a good time. He stopped me and asked if we could get together again. I said absolutely yes. We talked about when we could meet again, but we both had plans for the next week. He gave me a hug and said we would figure it out. It was awkward and cute and the people eating outside were laughing.

I texted him later and told him I had a good time and thank you for lunch. He said he was looking forward to meeting again and that he would "text or IM" me later.

He texted me all the next day and I texted him some the day after that.

Well it's 3 days since the first time we met and no text or phone call. How should I interpret this?

I didn't get a good night text from him last night so I decided to mirror that and not text today lol. I know I'm trying to play it cool, but what is he doing?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Those first couple of dates are really hard to gauge how well things are going. I really just have not had a guy tell me "Sorry, but I don't want to see you" or "Our date wasn't that great for me.". I think most people want to be polite and if the date was just okay for them, they are not going to really let you know.

    In this case I think he had a nice time but as he has time to think, he just isn't feeling it. It isn't your fault and there is nothing that reflects on you. It could be all sorts of things, but in the end a guy who is feeling it would have already scheduled the next date.

    I wouldn't give up all hope because, as I said, initial dates can be hard to gauge as far as interest. I went on several dates with a guy and by the third one I thought he was not feeling it either. When he did contact me for the next date I told him nicely that I was surprised to hear from him and that it seemed like we were more like friends, not a romantic couple. He ended up telling me that was a weakness of his, not showing how he really felt about a woman, but that he thought I was a real catch and he had been nervous in trying to make sure not to mess up with me. I told him he needed to relax on that or we wouldn't stand a chance. He's my boyfriend now. So, you never know.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You should leave it a little whie longer. he could have had a family emergency and has not been able to contact you.

    Just let him know by text that you hope he is ok. And just wait...

    Alternatively he may have lost his phone. Have you checked your IM?


What Girls Said 2

  • First, I know exactly how you feel. When I first met my bf, he was just like that. I have to agree with the latter part of what "Anonymous User" said in her comment. There are few reasons why he is acting this way:

    1) He is extremely shy - This is very common. The guy met you online for a reason. He's very shy in person.

    2) He is thinking the same thing you are - He is interested but doesn't want to seem clingy and playing it cool like you are.

    3) "Traumatized Shy Guy Disease" - I call this TSGD. A LOT of guys out there have this. My boyfriend was no exception. He had been rejected, betrayed, and hurt before by someone or few others. When this happens, the guy STALLS. He doesn't want to be forward and get rejected/hurt again. This is unfortunate because they could be passing up on something that could turn into a good thing.

    4) I don't think this is the case here, but the guy is losing interest. I really don't think that's the case here though.

    In any event, it's ok to text him and see what he says. Just send him a short casual message. Maybe even plan the next date and ask him how his schedule is. Let me tell you this, my boyfriend was really happy after our first official date, but he did not CALL either. He Texted and Facebook messaged me. This is a very common symptom of TSGD. :) Not to mention he wasn't planning our next date. But when he said that he has some time off work and didn't know what he was going to do, I knew that he wanted me to suggest that he comes down to see me. We live 2 hours apart. But at that time, I was not ready, so I didn't say anything, but few weeks later when I was ready, I suggested the 2nd date. He of course welcomed the idea. And the rest is history.

    So don't be discouraged and just send him a short message. I don't think you are a clingy type, so it's not like you are going to drive him nuts. LOL

    Good luck and let us know how it goes!


  • He's playing it cool also.

    No guy likes a needy girl... so just play it cool.

    You are already building up "expectations" about when and how he should contact you (ie. no goodnight text). As such... I would interpret him as trying to see how clingy you are.

    I mean one date... and you are all over him with texts...and emails... etc.

    No one likes a clinger... so just play the field and have fun ... no expectations.