My boyfriend doesn't pay for me - what do I do?

Hi everyone,

I am 18 and my boyfriend is 17 and we ve been dating for about 7 months. I guess I'm traditional, but I still am ok with spending money on him or paying separately. The problem is that I do it for him, and he doesn't do it for me.

Yesterday we went to dinner and a movie, and we payed separately for tickets. Then for dinner I ordered something cheap and he ordered something big (and he gets mad at me for not eating a lot but what am I supposed to do if he makes it awkward...) When the check came he picked it up and made a face. So I said I'll pay; it was about $25. I'm good with doing this, but he never ever does that for me and I always do this. He has payed for my movie ticket once. And when he did he gave me guilt. Even on the first date he didn't pay for me.

I'm also upset because I know he has the money. He told me today that he bought something for himself when last night he spent nothing on me... he doesn't have a lot of money though. But then I feel like he just can't ask me out all the time.

It makes me feel like I'm not worth spending on, or just that I'm not special :( I don t mean to be superficial but it just bothers me. In every other way he's amazing. It's not like he pays for absolutely nothing; he does buy me little things, like sweets and collectibles. And he does other cute things like love letters. But it's so frustrating.

Should I bring it up and if so how? What do I do?

Thank you in advance!


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you are both earning and you both have money, you both should pay your way, regardless of gender. If you want to treat each other, do out from your heart, and expect nothing in return.

    If your boyfriend is getting mad at you, because you are not paying for his stuff, tell him to pay for his own stuff. Don't let him make you feel bad about it. Just cause you two are dating/relationship doesn't mean you owe each other anything.

    What you do with your money is your business, and what he does with his money is his business. neither of you should be telling how to spend each others money.


Most Helpful Girl

  • in my opinion you two should be splitting the bill, unless one makes significantly more money than the other.

    But from the looks of it he does buy you gifts and such. Just make sure you aren't being too demanding. Remember, this is the 21st century. Men and women are equal. You shouldn't expect him to pay for your stuff just because he's a man (and he shouldn't expect you to pay for all of his stuff either, of course).

    If he makes a lot more money than you do, then it's time to talk to him about splitting the bill more.


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What Guys Said 6

  • Quit paying for him. Let him pay for his shit. He doesn't have to pay for yours, but you don't have to pay for his.

  • when you're alone, write would you think you should say, read it out loud, like it? use it, don't? junk it. if he still refuses to change his way, for your own good, you need to to leave.

  • He's 17... how much money do you think he has! ?

    Also, he might be stingy so why not just go dutch and split it always to avoid conflict.

  • Do he have enough money though?

  • You're dating a minor. Refrain from insults. Refrain from insults. Refrain from insults. Refrain from insults... Okay. I'm good. Pay for your own shit, and he can pay for his own shit. Problem solved.

    Maybe tell him to stop buying you little things, as well, so you can buy them yourself. Perhaps start writing up a tally of the worth of all the little gifts that he buys you vs how many meals you pay for, then you can bring the sheet to him and explain exactly how much money you (or he) is giving you, and how much he or you owes to the other. Then, if we really want to get deep into the issue, we can gauge the emotional value of the things he has given you, versus the things of emotional value you have given him. How much would you say his love letters are worth, monetarily?

    Because you have a vagina, it was his job to pay for you on the first date? That's some sense of entitlement. You'll pay, but you'll resent him for it. Doesn't that sort of lend credence to how every single man who is expected to pay for the first date? And with no expectation or requirement of a 2nd date? If you both paid for your own stuff on the first date, then I'm especially offended. Did he have a job on your first date, as a 15 or 16 year old?

    Welcome to quasi-equality. It's not all beneficial, is it? Is my resentment showing? I apologize. This is a sensitive topic to me.

    Maybe you could do this most outrageous thing called talking.

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