Did he only like me because of my race?

My last ex was a kpopper. He was half-Canadian, half-Chinese, but was obsessed with Korean pop culture. He looked the part, too, and got stopped on the street all the time by people asking him if he was some kind of kpop idol. Hence his giant, overinflated ego.

Anywho. I'm Korean-born, though I've never been into all that kpop culture (I was mostly raised on music by dead white guys from the 17th century lol), but apparently I have the "ideal Korean looks" that's all the rage in Asia right now. I don't know, I get a lot of superficial comments from Koreans and non-Koreans alike, and it's bothering me more than ever. Like, who cares. What about my personality?

I get the feeling that the reason that my ex was so attached to me was simply because of the fact that I'm Korean and I fit into his ideal stereotype. Some of the guys who hit on me nowadays (mostly the ones obsessed with kpop) act like they hit the jackpot when they find out I'm Korean and not just some other Asian ethnicity. I mean, come on, guys. Would you not come on so hard if I told you that I was Japanese, instead? Does where I come from really matter that much?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's possible. This is the negative side to this new wave of people who entitledly proclaim and persist their 'racial preferences'. Doesn't it feel incredibly depthless?

    I experience the same exact thing! -_- Guys constantly come on very hard to me when they find out how mixed I am and act like they've "hit the jackpot", praising me over physical features, making disgustingly shallow comments like "You've got the best traits of every race". *eye roll* It's such a turn off.

    • IKR! It's great that guys find me physically attractive thanks to mommy's and daddy's great genes, but not so hot when they factor race into it. Perhaps your ethnicity/culture is PART of who you are, but it is never wholly a DEFINITION of who you are. I think more guys should understand that. Otherwise, their "appreciation" of race is nothing more than yellow fever.

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    • thanks for mho :)

    • No problem. I like the way you think :-)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I mean honestly I would be lying if I said that I haven't done this before. I dated a Taiwanese girl because I love Chinese culture and wanted someone to help me with my Chinese. Of course that was the reason I originally asked her out, but after that our relationship wasn't just built on the fact that she was Taiwanese Chinese, she was hot and a great person so it was a lot better. However it also flips around, she most likely dated me because I was an exotic foreigner, so it goes both ways. However in your case I really dont know, I think what it could have been was that your Korean ethnicity was the reason he initially talked to you, because he could relate to it from his K-pop knowledge, and then after that he maybe liked you more? Although I'm not entirely sure, if you dont want to date K-pop freaks then just refuse to date guys that like Kpop, you should know before he asks you out if thats something he's into, if you dont then you haven't spent enough time getting to know him.

    • True, but I don't have a problem with dating people who like kpop. I just don't like how they fetishize (is that even a word? lol) the culture. The ex in particular that I'm talking about actively looked for and exclusively dated Korean girls. (I know this because he had the unfortunate habit of talking about his exes a lot.) I feel like he never really looked for a personality. His enjoyment of my company seemed more of an afterthought.

    • Well you could always date Korean guys, I guarantee you won't have this problem with them.

    • True that. But I don't really limit myself to one race and it would be hypocritical of me to do so. Besides, it narrows the pool so much more when there are so many awesome people out there.

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