So my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year. We live together and he has gained probably at least 30 pounds since we first started dating. He also hates hair cuts and won't get one. The hair cut is not a huge deal but the weight is. On our one year anniversary he took me to a super nice restaurant but he didn't make an effort to get a hair cut before , he wore a baseball hat and jeans and I was dressed to the names and felt way overdressed. Lastly he farts all the time openly and he never diid thid whhenn we first dtarted dating. I told him the farting is really excessive and he should get it looked at but he won't. seems like he has let himself go. I love him and he treats me like an angel and is definitely the one. However these habits are turning me off. I am scared I will hurt his feelings about the weight but we have only been dating for a year and he let himself go. If we were married twenty years it would be different. What to do?
Most Helpful Guy
Tell him he's becoming a fatass, and it's unattractive. You don't have to babystep. You might use more tact than me, but he can probably handle it. And it'll have more weight (lol) if you're more direct. Make him look at himself. "You're getting fat." Maybe ask him to do some exercise with you or start a similar diet, 'because you're getting fat'.
I'm guessing you've been with him 6 months to 2 years. That's generally when oxytocin starts falling off, and you start noticing more of the person's flaws. It'll probably get worse, depending on how long you've been together. You sorta set the tendency for the whole relationship, or just quietly endure and resent until you blow your top or leave him. You gotta say something, in my opinion. Also in my opinion, it's worthless trying to stay with someone forever. Humans aren't naturally like that. We jump from person to person. Of course, we also naturally sleep at night.
The brain releases melatonin when the sun goes down, but since we have electrical lighting, we can trick the brain into thinking it's daytime. So, without some kind of monogamous electrical lighting--that is, tricking your brain into thinking staying with one person forever is a good thing, or somehow otherwise keeping things fresh--but, I'm not sure whether there's a way to induce oxytocin release. Thus my aversion towards closed relationships.
Sometimes, hurting someone's feelings is worth it in the long run. Or, you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.
In any case, tell him how it is. If you really want a relationship to work out, you have to communicate what pisses you off and what you don't like about the other person. If they try to change for you, then they're going to fight to make it work. If they don't, then you're obviously not important enough to them. That's how I see it, anyway.
I used to jog in the morning with one of my exs. It was fun. Sharing an exercise regiment.0
Most Helpful Girl
Gosh all I can say is dump him because it doesn't sound like you deserve him. If you truly loved him these things wouldn't matter so much. 30 pounds depending of his height is noticeable but most people gain some weight in a relationship.
And like you say- 20 years from now who bows how he will look or you after kids. As long as his gut isn't getting in the way of sex I am a-okay with it. I do want him to be healthy if we are having kids though so we both get a CBC every year and if his cholesterol is out of sorts then I use that to get us doing more exercise a tivites together even if it is just walking and eat more fiber and also avocado because it is a good kind of fat that binds to the bad sort of fat in your arteries and flushes it out.0