Why am I usually a backup plan with women?

I'm not socially awkward or unattractive or anything and I have a decent number of friends who find me interesting, but somehow I just never have a spark with women, or if there is a spark it quickly fades away as a woman gets to know me better. Its seems like im considered attractive but at the same time im not considered sexually attractive--easy on the eyes but not hot is how i'd put it. My personality is the main issue; it just doesn't mesh well with women because I have many interests that most women don't find interesting. The problem is finding a woman who is romantically interested in me but also likes my personality. I've tried with hundreds of girls to make things work but I've never been able to get a girlfriend.

During date I can maintain an interesting/funny conversation succesfully but It seems like i'm just a backup plan. Being a backup plan is a really terrible feeling. After dating for a while my experience has generally been the following: the girl i've been trying to date ends up making things work with the guy she liked before me and so suddenly i become irrelevant. For instance a couple of times separate girls asked me to go to their sorority formal with them, and I was pumped because I thought they liked me. Well as it turns out, both times I didn't end up going since the girls told me that the guy they were going to go with initially had a change of plans and was actually able to go. they just didn't know any other single guys and therefore they setlled on me so they wouldn't have to go alone to their formal. Another girl I was dating said she liked me but that she had a busy quarter; its funny how she ended up getting a boyfriend during that busy quarter. Being "settled" on is really shitty and has many negative connotations.

It always follows the same pattern--girl seems interested at first, then gradually loses interest or finds a guy she likes more. If I can't even get a girlfriend after this effort then how will I ever get married? =/


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What Girls Said 1

  • I have the same experience with guys. It's always, "You're super awesome, but not quite as awesome as this other chick."

    Are you really private and reserved? That's one thing I've finally decided may be holding me back. At first I thought it was my looks, but guys I'd been with settled down with women who were on my level or less attractive. People tell me I'm kind, funny and smart and I make friends easily, so I didn't think it was those. The only thing I keep hearing is how people feel like I'm closed off and very private. Maybe that doesn't trigger an emotional response?


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