Do you think dating sites are only for losers and ugly people who can't get dates without using dating sites?

I feel like its only for people with low selfesteem and people who are losers.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I met my partner online.
    I don't consider either of us a loser or ugly... although I do have low self-esteem.
    You might have something with low self-esteem, but I wouldn't call them "losers".

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think so.

    Even if a guy is "too busy" to find time to date, he still inevitably meets people. After all, it's people who are "not" too busy that have "less" opportunities to meet people. So, I don't buy that whole, "I never have any time to date, and THAT'S why I'm online dating."

    When you're at a gala, or a fundraiser, or an annual event, or Christmas party after Christmas party, you're going to inevitably meet people. And, unlike men, women are like seeker search-and-destroy auto-targeting missiles. They're going to notice who is who, they will ask around about who you are, and they'll start moving their way closer into your line of sight, then proximity, then "oops" bump into you, and then eventually talk to you.

    As a guy, I'd MUCH rather take that dynamic. What's the alternative? Being a complete stranger online (actively looking for a female partner), and being like one out of 200 people per day who sends a message to the top 1% of girls (who are probably fake accounts anyway).

    Now, same thing for girls. You'd rather NOT "list" yourself to the world as "actively looking," and just "exist" in time and space. If you're attractive, then guys who aren't overloaded with attention from other sources will gravitate towards you. The guys whose attention is being preoccupied can be more easily focused on you "in person," because chances are, if you're attractive, there are not that many other attractive girls in the same room with you (not the case online, where all a guy has to do is click next).

    So, I think the same thing. If a guy is online, it's probably because he is nobody important in real life. If a girl is online, then it's probably because she has low self esteem (or is unattractive but delusional).

    So, online dating is like that dark bad place in the Lion King where Simba's dad is like, "You must never go there."

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What Girls Said 42

  • I use dating sites and I'm sure I'm not ugly or a loser. There are lots of people on dating sites that use it because they aren't that social or don't get many opportunities to meet new people.

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    • They have dating sites in South Africa? I know the country is mostly white dominated, but still.

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    • The last three girls I went on dates with said they were probably moving away in a couple months. This was like the second thing out of there mouth. I was like great, what the hell are we doing here then?

    • @red324 My thoughts too! I get real frustrated with people like that :/

  • Personally I don't use dating sites, but I define a "loser" as someone who judges other people based on their own ignorance.

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  • So most of my cousins met their (now married) partners on dating websites. None of them nor their spouses are losers, low self-esteem or no. Dating websites are just for busy people.

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    • What about ugly?

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    • Talking to you, that's clear.

    • Yeah I am not smart, but still smart than most people on here which isn't saying much though.

  • I don't really care and judge if they do. There are other possible reasons as to why a person is using a dating site/app. Are they busy? Are they shy? Are they socially awkward? Are they sleazy?

    A loser can be synonymous with 'low self-esteem' but despite that; these people can be a diamond in the rough. That is if you enjoy watching people grow out of their shells.

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  • That's kind of a harsh way to put it... But it's true

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  • no...
    i mean do i look like a loser and am ugly? xD
    tho the guy i had long distance relationship with... i met him through a game not a dating site

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  • If, if if if I ever had to date again I'd have no problem trying my luck online.

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  • It's for people who don't have the time or inclination to hang out in bars or wherever. I have no trouble finding guys in real life if I was willing to play that game, but I work insane shift work and the nights I could go out don't correspond to nights everyone else goes out. I can go online, see if I find someone attractive, chat with them to see if I have anything in common with them, then choose to meet them or not. People lie in real life just as frequently as online or misrepresent what they want to get what they want. Online gives me a chance to figure them out before wasting an entire evening on some one that turns out to not be someone I'd date. I can get a feel for someone based on his profile; how he words it, what he likes, what he's looking for in the dating scene.

    I have met nothing but attractive, successful and perfectly sane people online. It is just another tool in the dating game. I choose not to date people I work with, and have no attraction to my male friends. I haven't met a friend of my friends that I found attractive.

    I've been with my guy for nearly a year. He is smart, witty and good looking as well as kind and loving. We met on a dating site as neither of us care for the bar/singles scene.

    There are online losers and there are real life losers. Online gives people a slight edge in dodging the losers.

    Persistence is key. You can't sign up and expect to find someone that same day. Join more than one and stick with it.

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    • You've had better luck than me lol. I've met weirdos, mentally troubled.

    • God knows I have heard horror stories @TrooperD007! I stuck with Match and POF but I paid. Seems people who pay are inclined to be a bit more serious, I think.

    • Yea I can't pay for that, pof only works if men are good looking, tried it and gave up! Lol. If you know any other free sites, help a guy out!!

  • I prefer online dating vs meeting random jackoffs in bars and clubs or through friends.

    If I go to a bar and meet a guy, it's gonna take several dates to figure out whether we have anything in common, whether our ideologies match, what views we have on marriage and reproduction, religious beliefs and so forth.

    If it turns out that we're not compatible, I've just wasted time (days to weeks) figuring that out and have to start all over again with a new guy.

    With online dating you can filter the undesirables out by unmatched criteria and all you have to do is go on a date to assess the chemistry between the two.

    Religious? Next.
    Wants kids? Next.
    Bigoted? Next.

    You don't find these things out soon enough when starting to date someone from complete scratch.

    Online dating is much more practical, saves time, energy and money.

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    • Online dating FTW!

      I was waiting for you to show up in this question. I just knew you would.

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    • They will I never said they wouldn't.

    • So what was your point, then?

  • I feel like it's for people who have trouble finding new interesting people. Maybe they've been around the people all their life and want to expand their horizons, I don't know.

    I agree a bit with you though, I also think there are plenty of girls and guys who have low self esteem & go on tinder or something to get attention from the opposite sex, maybe they don't even have the intention to meet someone irl.

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  • My parents for their partners on dating websites so imma gonna say no.

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    • For=found

    • how long have they been married?

    • My mom and step dad have been married for God... I don't even know... Like 9ish years? And dad has been with his girlfriend for over a year now.

  • I think dating sites do have a lot of those people, but those people are everywhere. Dating sites can help people who are isolated from others, who are nervous making the first move in person, or who don't fit in well in their particular area. They may also be helpful to people who feel awkward or are untrusting of relationships because they allow you to be away from that person while still getting to know them, so you still have options if things go badly. Dating sites also help meet a wider range of people with more interests just like yours or completely different if that's what you're looking for. So to answer your question, no I don't think dating sites are only for losers and ugly people.

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    • Almost 2 years ago I met with a girl on okcupid and it was the most awkward date I mean isn't it awkward to meet someone you will meet the first time from the internet?

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    • Still even then it feels weird and unnatrual

    • It didn't for me, it must have just been you

  • I don't think that but they definilty seem less effective than real life dating. A person literally has to wade through a sea of trash to find anything worth a first date. Where as in real life you don't have a lot of options, but at least the rare time an option presents itself it won't ask you for a nude pic the very moment you start talking.

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  • I have different opinion here.

    Extroverts who socialize often and have an opportunity to meet people and maybe ask them out but what about the people with introvert personality who like to stay more at home or maybe library or the university doing what they like to do. They have lesser chances to meet people and are less confident about talking it out via voice.

    I (Introvert) used to find it really easy to converse via text initially and then when I am comfortable I can voice it out and meet the person too. Its more like in between introvert-extrovert for me now and I can directly approach people in social settings now.

    So no, I do not completely agree with it. Calling Introverts as people having low esteem would be being judgmental about them.

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    • so your saying its only for introverts?

    • As I said "So no, I do not completely agree with it." May be it is for "Losers" or "Ugly" people (I dont even know who these are!!!) but I don't think it is completely true since the users of online dating can be "Introverts" too whom you can't generalize as "Losers" or "Ugly" people.

  • sorry but people are free to use whatever they want to meet the "one"

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    • didn't say they couldn't I just think its for losers or ugly people

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    • Well I'm Jewish and I belong to Christian singles because they're better at rough sex

    • @mishiii also says she's sick of gag yet she's constantly here. Strange.

  • No I use dating sites because everyone in my company is Middle aged and Married. Not to mention I don't want to date the truck drivers either. But also not everyone I have met there are losers. Some of them actually have had really high self esteem too like that one ex-frat boy from clemson with a masters degree

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    • You could meet others at club events, video games events, comicons, school, etc.

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    • people have busier schedules than you and they still meet people in real life and not at bars or clubs or the other things I mentioned those were just some examples I gave. You could meet people at work, business meetings, friends from high school or college I am sure you probably kept contact with some friends in high school.

    • And I don't talked to people from highschool because they are lame and everyone moved away after they graduated college. Also I'm not stupid enough to date someone in my friend circles that is so much unecessary dram. Also yes I am that busy

  • I know a guy who was a loser met another loser on a dating site. Now them married negative birth to a loser. But they are happy 3 loses

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  • It's like saying blonde people are dumb. People are going to be the same online and offline.

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  • I don't think dating sites are for losers or unattractive people. I know people who have met their significant other or long term boyfriend through the use of online dating. Of course you need to filter matches because there are creepers and weirdos on the sites but the use of online dating sites is pretty common/popular nowadays.

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  • That may have been true about 5-10 years ago. But I don't think that's the case nowadays. Yeah there are people on there who do have some major flaws (you know what I mean), but I don't think they make up the overwhelming majority anymore

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What Guys Said 53

  • Let's see.

    I met my first wife in the normal way and she cheated on me many times.

    I divorced her and got custody of our 4 year old son.

    So, there I am re-entering the dating world with the following characteristics:

    - divorced father with custody of a preschool boy

    - well paid full time job working evenings 2:00 pm to 10:30 pm with Sunday & Monday off.

    - oh yeah, I was also attending college during the day. (Seems like a good place to meet dates except I was 37 at the time, my classmates were either in their early twenties or married.)

    - another thing, I'm a massive introvert. The last thing I was going to do was go out to meet people, especially since that worked so very well the first time.

    I thought about what I was going to do dating wise as my first marriage was drawing to a close. I found the approach used by eHarmony to be quite compelling. Make matches based on compatability.

    I actually had this thought at the time:

    "Having demonstrated poor performance at choosing a mate the first time, I chose to stick to my core competencies and therefore, I would outsource the mate seeking function."

    This approach could not possibly have delivered results as poor as my first go around.
    Of that much I was certain.

    So then, the week my divorce finalized, I joined eHarmony with a one year membership. (Paying for a year at a time was the best value. A year gave me enough time to be successful. Also, I chose a pay site as money tends to make people serious about their involvement.)

    When you join eHarmony the first part of the process is a thorough personality inventory (it's very much like a MMPI, I've taken that inventory too).

    Next, you assemble your profile. An important part of your profile is made up of two lists: a list of requirements entitled "Must Haves" and a list of deal breakers entitled "Can't Stands". Each list has 10 elements chosen from a group of 60 options.

    On my list of "Must Haves", there was one particular element I would like to draw your attention to. It read as follows:

    "My match must be willing to accept my child as her own."

    Let the weight of that statement sink in for a minute...

    What that requirement meant in practice was that if a woman was not open to the idea of becoming a step mother, we would not even be going on a first date.

    What a massive time and money saver.
    I'm sure there were plenty of wonderful women out there who might have had trouble with this requirement. Too bad for them, their loss.

    [cont]

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    • Altogether, I had about 120 matches while on eHarmony. I communicated with about half of them and I dated a few of those. Then, after having been with eHarmony for 7 months, I was matched with the woman I would eventually marry.

      She was quite simply, my most compatible match... by a longshot.

      Examples:
      - same religious views
      - same political views on all issues
      - same views on sex
      - same views on raising children
      - same views on work life balance
      - comparable interests & hobbies
      and on and on and on...

      One thing I would like to point out here... everything I just listed was established BEFORE we met face to face for the first time. Indeed the only thing left to find out about was if we had that spark of chemistry.

      [cont]

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    • Ha ha ha, well done.

      They way he responds to success stories and well formed arguments is also quite hilarious.

    • @MaskedSanity

      I knew you'd approve. 😊😈

  • Not at all.

    It's mainly for the millennial generation, since we're a technologically intoxicated generation. Almost EVERYTHING these days is on the internet, whether it be job applications, email, banking, etc. Why would dating be any different?

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  • Absolutely, because I was once that loser that was miserable, co dependent and had no self esteem. It was actually a dark point in my life. Instead of trying to fix my problems, working on myself, figuring out who I was and what I wanted. I was on the dating sites using that as a vice to drown out my problems and issues, thinking this supposed beautiful girl on the other end was what was going to solve my problems and just make everything better. What I wouldn’t give to go back and get that money and time back that I poured into the three or so dating sites I was a member of. It’s a scam that takes advantage of lonely desperate and co dependent people. I learned that a healthy, happy, quality guy or girl has better things to do then sitting on the computer looking for their “soul mate”. They are out spending time with friends and family, going rock climbing, camping, sky diving and living life, not sulking over how crappy their lives are because they haven’t meet someone. The majority of the people on dating sites are broken and swamped with problems they are avoiding. They are often the last people that need to be looking for a relationship.

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  • Quite the opposite. I'm an ugly loser with low self-esteem and dating sites don't work for me at all.

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  • I thought it was the opposite lol. You have to be pretty attractive to use an app like tinder. You realize girls can be extremely selective using services like this right?

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    • Yeah but usually the attractive women just use it to self market themselves if you know what I mean. Its really usually the ugly people who use the dating sites seriously or the losers.

    • I've only used tinder.. don't know about the other sites. But tinder is generally for above average people. I could definitely see a girl using tinder for self validation and not actually meeting up though.

  • You just labeled half of GAG, myself included, as losers. Thank you very much.

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  • Let's see. I'm a Loner which would put me into the Loser category as I meet one of the criterias. Not giving a damn about society. Do I think that I'm a loser? Nope. Do I care if I was seen as a Loser? Nope. Let's face it on one or another level everyone has a Loser moment in life, when you lose in Poker or get quickscoped by a 10 year old in COD. I don't care what you say but in this moments you are a "loser" and individual who has lost. Online dating is for people who aren't that social or just want to meet broader audience outside their area, some are there for self esteem boost and some are there to find a partner in life.

    I found my ex-gf truth OkCupid, my reasoning for online dating? I work and don't have much time to go out of my way to party or to bars (not that I would want to as it go against my Loner moto) and in most cases I rather use online dating to look for a date vs in real life because I rather enjoy the free time I have going to places or just riding my motorcycle around. And funny enough I have girls wave, wink and approach me while I'm out riding, so realistically I just killed two birds with one stone. Being able to gain larger reach with online dating and then having girls approach me in real life.

    So to sum everything up. No. Using online dating/dating apps does not make you a loser, failure or whatever else niche percentage of society says.

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  • Are you really 23? that sounds like something a 16 year old would say. i find it hard to believe at 23 you dont have attractive friends who use online dating.

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    • I've seen maybe like 2-3 attractive women on dating sites before out of like over 700 girls. And usually the attractive women just use it to self marke themselves.

    • Agree with you 😉

    • Agree with Jayded1 😉

  • That's honestly somewhat silly; by that logic if you have ANY internet friends instead of having ONLY real life friends, that's because you're incapable of making real life friends and therefore you're a worthless waste of space.

    My issue with this is that we label people as "losers" for whatever reason, and that apparently having a larger scale of exposure is a bad thing.

    I live in a city that's not even considered big and it has 2 millions of people and I'm busy with work on a regular basis, if I wanted to date someone who seems somewhat attractive and remotely compatible, I'd rather look online than make a guesswork with random people in completely random places that I don't even know.

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    • You can do social events, video game expos, comi-cons but you don't have those where your from I am guessing, sports, club events, etc.

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    • Most people use dating sites to promote themselves and not for actual dating mostly women do htis.

    • ... yeah I guess that is a fair point.

      Man, making friends is difficult! You really have to find groups and stuff where people share your interests and then you can talk because you're in the same social context

  • No not necessarily. Some use dating sites because they don't have a social life like others. They may work a lot or generally never have the time to go out and socialize. But at the same time it shouldn't be any secrete dating sites are number one for attracting everything from gold diggers to trashy weirdos. As far as I'm concerned as a guy anyway, unless you happen to look like a Romeo and under 35 or so, it's probably not for you.

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  • Its for all sorts of people. I also hear stories about how parties and clubs are full of losers, or how blind dates are for losers, or how trying to meet someone at the gym is for losers, etc. Meeting new people that are compatible is just difficult. Because Internet dating is newer and more popular it just became trendy to insult the people using it.

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  • fuk dating sites I will NEVER do that just imagine

    daughter: "mom how did you and dad meet?"

    mom: "oh well um it was pretty romantic, your dad um messag... uh you know what let's go get ice cream!"

    it's not natural I will feel so pathetic

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  • Honestly it's used for people who either can't deal with face to face interaction or a way to get right to the point. It can almost be compared to a something dedicated to finding people who want the same thing and not wasting time. Kind of like a transaction. I want this so do you let's meet and see if we agree. It's either the fastest way to get hook ups or the way to get around social anxiety.

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  • Yea I'm not the most social person. But I don't wanna pay to use those sites. Plentyoffish is free but it sucks, couldn't get a date so I gave up!

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  • Not really it's for people from isolated places and people who want to meet with the safety of a computer barrier first before going on a date elsewhere also some people don't have time to look for a partner so all they can do is make a online profile and see what happens

    It's actually a pretty good system

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  • I think that is partially true but some guys in particular just want to get laid. 1/3 of women put on on the first online date. That's from a survey of women who admitted, now I imagine that percentage is higher. Maybe some girls are there for dinner, money, along, etc.

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  • No. I met my boyfriend off of a "dating site" (tinder). Just because it was a better way for me since I have so little time. Also because I'm not exactly out it is hard for me to meet guys in person.

    So all that to say no. Lol

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  • I believe not, there's plenty of good looking people (girls) so I believe not about the looks. The ones who may be shy (everyone who is) takes away from the face to face confrontation so it makes speaking to each other way more easier. But I wouldn't say anyone who uses it a loser or ugly.

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    • most those good looking girls are fake accounts though

    • There are fake accounts ile give you that, but the people who are real don't deserve to br called loosers or ugly... unless they really are.

  • No, not really, but if they are, i am sure you will fit in just perfectly...

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  • When I had my dating profile on a now defunct site, it was to cut through the BS. I am this, I want this, and am looking for this. I was busy, and didn't have a lot of time to waste. I met a few women and it worked with each of them for a while.

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