Do all guys tell every woman they date they are beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, etc? Is that a new rule in a dating handbook somewhere?

I just recently (past 4 months) reentered the world of dating after a series of consecutive long term relationships. Basically, this is the first time I have "dated" around and not immediately jumped into a new relationship. The one thing putting me off is how often guys say (on a first date, mind you,) "you are beautiful," or "you are very attractive," or "you have beautiful eyes." I do enjoy the compliments and I appreciate them. But, I'm starting to feel like they are just go-to comments. I don't know whether to feel special or not because I hear them all the time. Dating sucks. It sucks even more when you have been hurt in the past and have a tough time trusting anyone. So, when these guys who are seemingly awesome...(we click, chemistry, great conversation, fun,) start with the compliments or ask why I'd even be interested in them, I run. I feel like they are just buttering me up. They are educated good guys too, Doctor, college football coach, university professor. So I feel like I'm choosing the right guys, just not into all the compliments starting day 1. Is it just the way things are now? (Btw, I'm 30.)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • So let's get this straight. Girls think being called cute is bad because it sounds like she's 10 and not a woman.

    Being called ugly or anything of the sort is an insult.

    Being called hot or sexy makes y'all feel like a slab of objectified slabs of meat

    Now, calling a girl pretty or beautiful is bad because it's disingenuous...

    Please, women. What would you like to be called? Like, I somewhat get that it can feel canned, but now some of y'all are just fucking complaining about the dumbest shit. And then, y'all get mad when we DON'T compliment you enough... What the fuck? You can't just get what you want just because it's convenient for you at that moment. I don't want to single you out, but some of y'all really need a reality check. You can't complain about guys not show you respect, go up to you and ask you out, trying. To date you, etc, and then when it happens, get upset because you're getting complimented too much "at the time". The entire point of dating is because you find the other person attractive. Why would the person make it up?

    Sorry for the mini rant and it's coming across that I'm artacking you specifically, but this is beyond absurd and ridiculous. Sorry if this comes off as offensive or sexist, but do girls really wonder why guys aren't straight forward or don't understand what y'all are thinking? It's because 9/10 of the time, there is literally no linear logic.

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    • I agree. If we don't tell them how we feel, they complain. If we do tell them how we feel, they find a different reason to complain. It can be very frustrating for a guy. What guys need to realize is that if a woman can't take a normal compliment, then it shows she has issues with men and or with trusting people in general. Those are red flags that we need to learn to watch out for, as oppose to healthy criticism about our approach.

    • Show All
    • Haha. I respect this. I'm not trying to make anything more difficult. I DO appreciate the compliments. I think they are sweet. I always just assumed if we were going on a date that naturally you found me attractive. After the 4th 1st date, with 4 different men, I just felt skeptical. I don't mean to confuse men anymore than women naturally do. Thank you for your pov

    • if it's a 1st dates thing and they're complimenting you, that probably more likely has to do with your personality than your physical appearance. not necessarily a bad thing, it's just y'all ain't clicking right (at least for him). believe it or not, guys do look past looks. if you look good in a dress, you probably don't look half bad when you're chillin eating ice cream at 2am in sweatpants and a t shirt.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with you. I love compliments, but it's hard to know whether the person is being genuine or not. There are so many people who will say anything to get with you, then when they have you they do a 180 or start seeing other people at the same time as you, even when they claim to be monogamous.

    I think the best way to deal with this is just be thankful for the compliments. Thank them, and leave it at that. Pay more attention to how they act and treat you. Look at their actions.

    A guy can say you are beautiful, but if he isn't taking you out (and basically hiding you) from people in his life, then something isn't right there. If a guy is saying he really likes you, but won't make it official or take you out on another date. Then I would definitely question that.

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What Guys Said 62

  • Maybe you are very attractive and have beautiful eyes! Guys are told that women like compliments on their appearance and they are making an effort to do something that might make you feel good. So t-you are finding guys who think you are worth making an effort. Is that a complaint?

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  • Hmmm, so if a guy opens doors for you, or pays the bill he is also just running the play book and trying to butter you up? I think compliments are fine and should be accepted on any date. They are dating you because they do find you beautiful and attractive. I see nothing wrong with expressing it. Sounds more like to me you are still hurting from your previous ltr and you are not ready yet for dating.

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    • I see what you are saying. Yes, I tend to question so much now. I am aware of it, trying to stop. Thanks. I appreciate your thoughts.

    • Interesting post

  • If he didn't find u attractive, he wouldn't be dating you! Stop overthinking things and just enjoy the flow! :)

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  • There will not be a relationship without physical attraction. So while they want to get to know you, you were put on thier radar because they thought you were beautiful, had amazing eyes, etc...
    so do we all say it? certainly
    But that is because it is true...

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  • I only date someone because I'm physically and mentally attracted to them. I don't take one without the other. So of course I will complement her. If you apply logic to this question it becomes pointless.

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  • Well.. I wouldn't date them if I didn't find them sexy. Why would I be with someone if I can't even look at her and say "she's gorgeous". I don't play games. I move quickly and make sure she knows what I want.

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  • 1. Well for a fact you may very well be a beautiful girl with good features which is why the compliments :)
    2. Yes it's common for guys to compliment girls on a date but she's got to have something that deserves complimenting isn't it? (with due respect to every girl)
    3. Complimenting is normal for me date or no date. If I like something in and on you I will compliment. It's never meant to flatter or for any favors :)
    4. I did meet up this girl on a blind date a few months ago. I was chivalrous to her etc (that she actually didn't appreciate or like lol) as it's my nature to be so. But again I didn't find anything in her looks and /or demeanor to compliment and I didn't. Not that she didn't have any but I didn't feel comfortable around her - simple. Maybe if she had made me comfortable enough I'd have gone beyond the feeling of slight discomfort and yes seen what deserves a compliment. And in which case you sure deserve complimenting on the fact that you do make these guys feel comfortable around you :) <3

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  • They absolutely are go-to statements, and if they are saying it on a first date, they are definitely thinking with their dicks.

    If you want to stump them right then and there ask them "what is beautiful about me?" and watch them shift in their seats!

    Guys: Learn to find the things unique to her if you want to give her a meaningful compliment. You want to hear her say "I have never heard that before," be specific.

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    • Sad that some guys are downvoting you, this is actually great advice. I never remember guy who give me generic compliments, like "you're beautiful", but always remember the ones who said something unique, something no one before them noticed and pointed out.

    • @rijestelut It is ok. Those are the guys that put in minimal effort in a relationship and feel entitled to the world. They won't make it long...

    • Such great advice here.

  • Well, it does seem to work better than "you look like shit. Want to fuck?"

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  • Look i Have read this whole statement. When a guy tells a woman at first how beautiful she is. It maybe just so he can judge the reaction this is why i do it. I dont want to date some conceited woman that thinks she's all that. cause none of you nor us are. If she seems to enjoy that she was complimented and truly care about your compliment but doesn't put off the vibe like duh i know. the one that cares will be most likely getting a second date. the other might not even make it through dinner. Than after dating for a bit we don't care about your looks when we say beautiful it is meant more as your the complete package your inner/outer beauty. I can compliment women all the time and never expect sex it really isn't as important to real men the way you all think it is. Sometimes it is also because we think that you need to hear and are putting off a sad/depressed vibe and we think you need to smile. quick way to get women to smile is compliment them tell them what about them is great and that gives us something to work with to break the ice and try to help you.

    all in all if by time your old enough to be in a sincere dating relationship if you can't tell the real men from the boys with the little pink thing hanging out. Maybe the problem isn't us it is you.

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What Girls Said 30

  • Wow! Sucks to be you. dating doctors and such who call you beautiful. How awful, lol. My guess is they are dating you because you ARE beautiful. At least to them and that's all I really want from my mate. To be made to feel beautiful in their eyes. Don't overthink this stuff and ruin what seems to be a successful re-entry to the dating world.

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    • Ha. Ya, I know. It's a rough life. I have high standards. :-) I do need to just stop over thinking. Accept it and go with it. You are correct.

  • Anything is whether taken the good way or the bad way, it's completely normal for a guy to say so while on a date, it's a date, he actually must find you attractive and sexy and beautiful, or why even bother lol! on what is he spending the bill!
    There are two possibilities to see it whether he's just saying so to get in your pants, or he really means it.
    Guys analyze this logically so they don't understand your deep feelings like any woman would do, but I think it's all about affected by really really shitty relationships you've been through, and you only see it the bad way, that he just selfish and he's saying so to only get to what he wants.
    you see it this way because you choose this way, like me, I work on a non-profit college help teem, and many of my fellows come to me only when they need help, I whether take it the bad way, which is they only look for what they want and they're selfish and on normal occasions they wouldn't even care if I existed, or take it the good way that we're actually seen as successful people (me and my team), but frankly when I'm in a bad mood I mostly see it the bad way, and the other way around. That's exactly how it is with you, if you're like so I should say you're not yet ready for it, try to be more open to it.

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  • Yes hun. I have found the same thing recently. I have only just started back in the dating game after 10 years and get called beautiful gorgeous sexy and so on... There is nothing left for us to believe that a man is whole hearty after us. Good luck with finding happiness 😊

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  • So, what you're saying is you can't accept compliments because you have a poor self-image?

    Why would you want to date someone who isn't attracted to you? What purpose would that serve?

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    • No. I don't believe I have poor self-image at all. I just find it odd when the compliments flow so easily. For instance, the "I can't believe I got a girl like you to go out with me." Or "you're really out of my league." I DO take them as compliments, but I've always thought words like those should be used sparingly. I feel like when I hear them over and over, it just takes away from the value of the phrase. Kinda like, it's nothing new.

    • That's just you and your preference then. Nothing has changed.

  • You must still have the old edition. The new edition of, "Big Lies To Get a Girl in Bed" is now in its 7th edition. It definitely says, "say whatever is necessary to get a girl in bed.

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  • They are. I mean, I'm sure you're also possibly stunning, but most guys tend to know a few PUA gimmicks nowadays and telling you you're beautiful and complimenting you're *whatever* (eyes, smile, purse, iPhone, etc.) right off the bat is usually part of a cluster of PUA lines they used bc they've worked in the past.

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  • No you're right. Those compliments are pretty much just something guys say because they think it's what we want to hear. Heck, my boyfriend still says it after a year and a half of dating. I appreciate the gesture, but I much prefer when his compliments are sincere rather than vague and generic like "you're beautiful." Like when I style my hair and he says "I really love your hair that way," or if I dress up for a date and he says I look nice. Just be genuine!

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  • They think they woman will like them more if they flatter them. You have to see if they really believe it or if they are just buttering you up too much to get in your pants. Recently someone complimented me a lot on my dresses and shoes as a way of flirting, I did not know what to make of it either.

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  • What's the point in dating someone if you don't find them attractive? And if you do find them attractive why wouldn't you complement them?

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  • Nice to compliment once in a while, but be careful of guys over complimenting you, some of them may have motives. But overall, you have to observe him and pick up his characteristics. Guys who compliment a lot may deem to be flirty, but if he only compliments u (little or a lot), then it might not be the flirty case.

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