Am I using him?

I have a boyfriend and he's a great person in general and has many great qualities. He is polite, kind, respectfull etc.. however he has these little qualities that I feel are deal breakers. I don't know if I'm too picky but he wants to marry me eventually, he brought up marriage and calls me by his last name and I don't know if I could deal with those cons forever. Should I stay until I can no longer tame it or would that be using him? He says I'm the love of his life and he is in love so I feel really conflicted
  • Staying would be leading him on. Don't do that.
    Vote A
  • If you care for him stay, but when you finally care no longer leave.
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • As far as using him or not more info is required.

    That's said, are you leading him on by staying with him? Based on your own words I'd say absolutely. You seem to have no intention of staying in the relationship. If that's the case, you need to tell him and move on. To do otherwise if that's your true intentions is definitely leading him on. Many guys are oblivious to when a relationship is going south or if a girl actually really loves him or not. I'm guessing he's not being objective and is blinded by his own feelings for you and there are many, many signs things aren't right. That said, his lack of knowledge isn't your fault, but for you to willingly exploit that is. If this relationship isn't going anywhere as far as you're concerned, and you see it as unable to be fixed and/or have no desire to fix it, then to do anything other than be upfront with him is taking advantage of the situation and leading him on.

    The question to be asked is, why are you with him if not because you love him? If the answer is you don't want to hurt his feelings by dumping him, my response is if your mature enough to date, then your mature enough to deal with the responsibilities of dating. Those responsibilities sometimes unfortunately include having to dump people. If your with him for any other reason than you love him and want a relationship with him your taking advantage of him.

    Which will hurt more? Being dumped now, or continuing to date someone with the impression there is a future together only to find it was really over months ago, and you've now spent X amount of time and money investing in a dead relationship?

    You asked the question for a reason. I think we can both be in agreement you and he are done at least as far is you're concerned right? Then do the right thing and end it now. Anything less is unethical and straight wrong.

    • I can't end it over the phone that wouldn't be fair to him and we are in a long distance relationship what am I suppose to do until I get to him and his birthday is tomorrow I can't dump him on his birthday.

    • Hmmmm. That's actually a tough one. I would want to know immediately, birthday or not. Then again it's kinda messed up to dump someone on their birthday. If I got dumped on my birthday I'd immediately assume it was intentionally timed for that. I'd say, wait 2 days after his birthday, then give him the coup de gras.

      In the future I'd say as soon as you realize your done with the relationship end it then.

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What Guys Said 5

  • As long as you're not these types of picky girls you're good

    • No its not his physical appearance it's just that he easily raises his voice and he's very insecure and I want a confident man as a husband. I know everyone has insecurities but ne is just insecure in general which leads to gain acceptance of others by doing selfish things in regards to me. I laid back confident man as a husband because I am laid back not high strung

    • That's a very reasonable thing to want in a man so you're basically good to go just don't be like the thing I mentioned lol because I've already seen posts by women crying about being alone xD

    • Okay thanks for the advice

  • If this is a guy that can't think for himself, he's immature and you have every right to leave him. I also find it weird that he's talking about marriage so soon, you guys are too young, im 26 and I don't know if I want to get married yet. Leave, he is immature and he is jumping the gun too soon with the whole marriage thing

  • You dont love him now... its time for breakup. PERIOD.

  • move forward lol

    • It's easier said than done :/

  • Can you give examples of how he's insecure?

    • He will makes decisions based on how others feel so he gets their approval rather than thinking of me let alone his own feelings.

      He's just insecure or has low self esteem overall. He thinks he is ugly. But most of all he thinks he doesn't deserve me.

      Also he never wants to be proven wrong, if I give insight instead of saying thanks he will take my advice personal as if I'm calling him stupid when really I'm just sharing info so he doesn't believe in something that isn't true. He says that he actually likes that about me that i speak up and tell him when he's wrong so he doesn't look silly but he doesn't always act that way.
      Also he raised his voice too much, not towards me in an agry way but just in general when he's passionate about something and it's irritating. I also feel like he has a little lying problem.
      But then at the same time he's very polite, giving, courteous, a good listener, Respectful and patient. It's just that he reminds of my dad in little but bad ways

    • He also doesn't seem creative or free spirited enough I don't know what to do

What Girls Said 3

  • Break up with him it will hurt his feelings but the longer you wait the more he will hurt.

    • How do I do it? I don't know how to. He wants me to be his valentine and take me to prom. Is it wrong to just want to date him for now with no future plans such as marriage?

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    • Thank you miss. By saying you think like a guy I assume they mean thinking objectively.

      That's the best approach in life and especially dating. Helps you see though BS and see people with ill intent as they are.

  • I think you need to leave! Don't break this poor fellas heart just move forward.

    • I wish I knew how. He's so sensitive and I'm so deep in, I don't know how to tell him plus we are long distance and I couldn't bare to do it over the phone I feel he deserves an in person explanation.

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    • You got text him than... no way out of this. Unless you want to marry him.

    • Okay thank you

  • If you love him then stay and talk with him about what make you dont uncomfortable. Dont just leave him because of it. If ypu do not love anynore move on right away.


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