Guys, how do I discourage him from drinking so much and get him to be healthier? Will he end up hating me for this?

I'm seeing a guy who I really like and we just started seeing each other (but we've known each other for a few months) and I don't like how much he binge drinks. I'm not sure if this is enough reason to break things off or not, or if I should attempt to discourage him from drinking.

We're in our 30's, not our teens or 20's, so to me drinking is immature and childish. My health and fitness is very important to me. He sometimes complains that he's out of shape and gained too much weight and I want to try to encourage him to start working out with me and eating healthier. I need to be with someone who is healthy and I can't date someone who doesn't care about eating healthy.

Would he find it annoying if I tried to encourage him? From what I can see from his ex-girlfriend's facebook photos, she used to encourage his drinking and unhealthy habits because she was that way too. He's already expressed his concerns for his health (but I'm not sure if he just says this because he sees that I take care of myself), so would it be a bad thing to try to change his unhealthy ways?

Will he get annoyed? What if it doesn't work and he continues to binge drink? I like him a lot but this binge drinking 2 to 4 times per month I can't handle.
I think I'm making him sound bad.. he is NOT an alcoholic. He just likes to drink socially with his friends, but when they do drink it's always too much and he always ends up with a hangover... I don't know.. is this the same thing?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why are you trying to change him? And why are you with a guy like this? You can't change him.

    • well he's actually a really nice guy and we have so much in common. He works hard and we do other things that are fun. But at least once a week he likes to go out with his friends to a bar and he ends up drinking so much. I have guy friends who are like this too, they aren't bad people, but they all calmed down once we hit our late 20's.. they learned to control their drinking. But for some reason this guy I'm seeing, and his friends, didn't learn to control it (or they don't want to) and they keep binge drinking.

    • That's his problem, not yours. At least he is having a good time. Don't nag him about the drinking, it won't benefit the relationship. Even if he says he will stop, he might drink when your not there. You chose this guy and now you have to deal with him. You have guy friends that drink. Drinkers, especially heavy drinkers tend to have problems and cause problems in relationships and can even escalate to physical problems. There is a saying that goes like this: the friends you make are a reflection of you.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Admittedly, I'm biased. In my experience people with addictions have been personally destructive to me. I cut them no slack.
    I suggest you dump him and tell him that if he'll give up his addiction for a year you may reconsider. You will be doing both of you a favor.

  • Never get involved with a drunk, a drug user, or a cutter. End of story.

    • He's not an alcoholic.. he just drinks socially once a week with friends, but when he does he gets really drunk... does that make him a "drunk"?

    • It makes him a binge drinker which is also a type of alcoholic. Believe me, I speak from bitter bitter bitter experience, it's not worth it.

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