He's 15 years older. I'm confused. help?

So I hooked up with a friends neighbor a month back and it was incredible. The first time I proposed to sleep with him he had let me down, being that it was the second or third time we hung out and had gotten acquainted. I thought then we would just be friends and my proposal was nothing but a drunken rant of desperation. Fast forward some weeks, within that time period we had gotten to know each other even more. And one night at a party we were both at. We took it back to his place and finally hooked up. The next morning, being the awkward teenager I was. I had gotten dressed as soon as I woke, and told him I was leaving to see his roommate (my friend). He said then that he would come by later to hang out. He never did. I went back to his place later that day before I left to leave on a good note and offered my number, He told me he would get it later from his roommate. I took that as a punch to the face. I went over to their house after all of that anyways, and took the advice of someone I know well. To ignore him no matter what. He ended up going to a festival with us on an occasion, and the entire time... I really did pay no attention to him. The night before, my roommate said he had asked for my number which he never gave because he was busy. He ended up telling my after the festival. I felt pretty bad. But, then he came over that morn and asked what was up. I didn't say anything. Last night, I saw him right before I was leaving. And he asked if I was, I told him yes. And the way he said "Alright" was in a way. Disappointed. And gave me a full, warm, tight hug. He is older than me. But I really did feel a connection that night. And it seems like he is still interested but how come he hasn't said anything about it? Or even explained how he feels? Im not sure what to do about this. Do I still wait on him to say something? Or should I just go for it. I'm not experienced very well in dating or casual sex. So this is a toughie. Thanks.


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What Guys Said 2

  • That's pretty shitty. He is giving you mixed messages, which, at your age, is going to confuse the hell out of you. It's hard to tell what he is actually thinking, because he isn't really giving enough information to know for sure. He clearly has some trepidation about the whole thing, whether it is about you in the specific or about the situation in the general sense, I can't say for sure, because there isn't enough information there to tell.

    The feeling of connection is just a chemical spark, don't give too much credence to it. It's nice to have, but doesn't actually mean anything from a compatibility sense. Nor does it actually mean anything about his intent.

    He seems interested but hasn't said anything or explained his feelings because he is either unsure of them, or he is pretty sure that if he tells you his true feelings it will mean he won't have sex with you again in the future, which may be cutting off something he wants. In such a case it is better for him to remain silent, keep you confused, and keep the option open in case he wants to tap it. It's not the 'nice' thing to do, but it is the most sensible thing to do if he is looking out for his own self-interest and not caring about you as a person.

    About the wait vs go for it... it depends on what you want to get out of this. The more you think about him, the more the chemicals in your brain will start making associations that can later be difficult to extract yourself from. So just sitting on it hoping for the best can have really bad long term consequences. If you want to be with him, you'll have to have a conversation about what you want and what he wants.

    You're right, it is a toughie, because he is being very hard to read. A 30 year old woman presented with the same behaviour would probably also struggle to understand what he was getting at, so it will be incredibly difficult for someone under 20. He is being hard to read, it's not just that you are missing something obvious.

  • Maybe date someone closer to your age? Within a five year limit is good.


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