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I would not advise any decent young man to pursue any 18 year old girl who had a child out of wedlock. I know that others will disagree with my opinion.8
I would not advise any decent young man to pursue any 18 year old girl who had a child out of wedlock. I know that others will disagree with my opinion.
Wow, the judgement on here is harsh. I've dated single moms in the past, and wouldn't have any problem doing it again. One of them had their first child when she was really young, but she did an amazing job raising her children. All of them have grown into amazing people. I know a lot of people that were married and stayed married and had kids later, and were terrible people that raised terrible, shitty-ass children. This 'holier than thou' attitude is bullshit, as if they haven't made a mistake in their life, or had something not work out the way they thought it would.
Most of the young single moms that I know did not end up single on purpose. A lot of them didn't really end up as moms on purpose either, they just put too much faith in what the guy was saying, and got burnt.
It will be a problem for some guys, and it won't be a problem for some guys. Some guys will be able to see the real you, some won't. The thing is, a lot of the guys that won't be able to see the real you, wouldn't be able to see the real you if the person was not a single mom, and then they would wonder why things didn't play out the way they thought later. Empathy and compassion are good traits to look for in a partner, and people that will be able to look past your child/no child status and see the real you, and understand your situation, will tend to have more empathy and compassion than those that just judge you based on one event that they have no knowledge about.
I think that said young single mothers are in for a hell of a time if they don't get some real talk in their lives and mentors who are going to tell them like it is.
You hadn't explicitly said this is you, but I'm going to operate on the assumption that you are a single mother. If you're wondering where I'm coming from, I've been through a pretty bad relationship with a single mother of three daughters. Almost married her, but I'm glad that it fell through and we kept her girls out of it.
First, you really need to decide if you want to be married and have more children. Don't waffle on this. It's "yes" or "no"; "and have more children" is not optional. Do not date and bring temporary men into your child (ren)'s life. The reason is simple: most guys who are worth marrying want children of their own. If "yes," then follow on.
Second, in order to get the best possible man and have a good marriage, you need to wrap your head and heart around this one concept. You will have to put your future husband before your children. You need to be as if every child you have belong to you both. There is nothing that will drive you to divorce faster than having two sets of rules for children; that he's okay with "his" children but he's treated like a pedophile with "yours." Normal families get destroyed frequently by putting the children first. I promise you the transition won't be fun, but if you're firm it'll work out. If you're focused on them and distant with your husband, guess how close they'll be?
Third, time is wasting. Your youth and beauty are huge selling points on the marriage market. Also, the younger your child is, the easier it is to grow into a blended family. Don't consider men who aren't immediately ready to provide for a family.
Fourth, you should really want to be a dedicated stay-at-home mom and supportive wife. No matter how successful you are at the second point, you're going to have moments where your fears take the wheel. If you're there, you'll catch it. Put your mind at ease by being present.
Fifth, the biological father needs to disappear from your life. Completely. And only be referred to on a first-name basis. There is nothing more cutting to a man looking to step into the role than being constantly reminded that the word "daddy" refers to someone else. It's like a glass ceiling.
Finally, you're going to have to be incredibly up front with suitors and set boundaries. "This is who I am, this is what you can expect, this is what I will do."
Dating a woman who has a kid means that you are second fiddle to her if she is a good mom. It will take longer to learn about each other. But there is no reason to believe that she is not worth that effort. So if she seems nice, you put in the extra effort to really get to know each other and see where that leads.
I think it's detrimental to the child/children and will impact them later on life. I don't blame a lot of single Mom's for being single Mom's because the men that help her conceive a child do a disappearing act and I hold those men in the lowest esteem, they really are scum but I could never date a single Mom.
They made an irresponsible decision getting pregnant, but they at least owned up to the consequences by accepting motherhood opposed to the selfish cop-out known as abortion. My mother had me at 15 and while I often struggled with the stigma growing up and at times felt embarrassed at my young mom as a preteen, I appreciate that she raised me.
I known some myself and there seem to be too many issues surrounding them. Plus the fear if it didn't work out a guy could get stuck with child support even if the kids aren't his.
nothing wrong with it. what is difference with adults divorced with children? the only thing that might upset is if the girl doesn't want to have a kid with me
Depends on how young and why they're in the situation they're in. Depends on a lot, really.
You made one big epic mistake in your life, and I'm going to need evidence that you've at least learnt from it.
I'm not dealing with kids that aren't mine, no point in single moms.
Tells me that you make bad life choices, definitely would be a deal breaker for me.
Wow, you couldn't keep your legs shut? Also, I would never date a single mom in general because of too much drama.
I can barely handle myself to even thing about taking care of a baby so I will not be able to date you. Sorry here.
I'd swerve my car into a ditch to avoid them. Kidding. Sorta. Not really.
i think it sucks for them. she could have been my wife.
I mean I wouldn't date one. Or maybe you're asking if I think she is a slut? No.
If I had a bright future/college.
You're a no. If you had a degree then yes.
I have no problem with them, if i like her, i would be happy with her.
I see nothing wrong with it, I respect anyone who has what it takes to be a parent !
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