Why does everyone complain about nice guys syndrome and forget about "nice girls"?

If you are a nice guy why don't you go for the nice girl instead of going for the stereotyped hot girl and complain about not getting with her, the only type of girls who like bad boys are bad Girls, even bad boys don't like having a nice girl, the bottom line is why do ask someone who is different from you and get mad when they reject you? Seriously

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I honestly have no idea! I'm one of the nice ones and I get overlooked all the time. OR people use my niceness against me and use me for things like sex and money.

    I'm a very giving and understanding person. But that seems to be a problem because they seem to show disrespect.

    I don't know if nice girls are inherently ignored. I do get bf's but they aren't always decent ones. But I find it hard to find a guy who is interested in me. It seems like guys who are decent are not interested in me. I'm not sure why. I'm educated, I have a job, and I've been told I'm attractive. I have also been told I am not boring and that I have a great personality.

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    • I feel the same. Are you assertive with going after the guys you want most?

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    • yep, nice girls are really ignored all the time!

    • Keep in mind that people might have reasons not to pursue you even if they are very interested.
      There are many people I've passed by or declined in some way. I'm rather in-discriminant in my decision to refuse dating. No matter how interested I am in someone, I don't make a move or acknowledge any of theirs.

      Cheers!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys who claim to be "nice guys" are usually just cowards who use it as an excuse for their failure to actually do something and take the initiative. Real nice guys finish first. I agree with you though that nice girls are often ignored. Lucky for me that's the type I go after.

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    • Just because a nice guy is a coward doesn't make him an asshole.

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    • you are claiming guys that are bitter cause their own failure are jerks.

    • @ManuelMarquez once again I didn't say anything along those lines. We are exactly where we started with you saying that I typed something that isn't there.

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What Girls Said 39

  • Because kind women are idealized as purer and more "natural", whereas nice guys go against the grain of the traditional "masculine" male.

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  • I've always said this. I know I sound mean, but it's hypocritical. Because "nice" guys are chasing girls who are usually attractive and don't really want them. It sucks, I know. But, at the same time, they're judging girls who are chasing guys who (you guessed it), are attractive and don't really want them.

    I get that it's hard to move on from someone you really like, but god damn. There's a limit to how much everyone can take. If she doesn't want you, then go.

    Kind girls are also used as shoulders to cry on. But you know what happens when they get all obsessed and creepy? We tell them! "Girl, stop. You're being a creep now. Don't stalk him. There are plenty of people out there, move on."
    I feel that guys just egg each other on "I know man! She's such a bitch! Fucking girls don't care about anything. Tag her in this pic about the friendzone."

    I do feel bad for these people who are too sprung on someone to just let go. But they have to learn. If they don't listen to advice, I guess they'll have to learn the hard way.

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    • Also, if everyone is treating you this way, I know this is harsh, but maybe it's you. You can keep crying and blaming all women or all men for being shitty, but eventually you have to realize that something is up with you too.

      Maybe you're falling for the wrong people.
      Maybe you're too insecure.
      Maybe even, and I know this harsh, but it's something with your looks.

      If you keep failing, you have to switch it up. I know, you're mama's special snowflake, and you don't need to change because she says you're perfect. Well, if you plan on fucking your mom, keep thinking that way. Otherwise use your past to make you better, not bitter.

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    • @ManuelMarquez it's true.

      @nymous1234 yup. I learned that lesson the hard way.

      @Bluemax I never said they're hypocritical for not finding ugly people attractive. I said they're hypocritical for judging and complaining that these girls are chasing guys they find attractive when that guy is disregarding their feelings. Yet they're doing the exact same thing and I find that hypocrisy.
      And thanks lol

    • I understand you, Buchita. I should make it clear that I'm not just talking to you. I'm talking to anyone who happens to be reading this. And you're welcome.

  • I wish giys would go for the nice girl. We have a lot more to offer than the girls who just want casual meaningless relationships, that end in disaster. My advice: Give a good girl a shot. You may find that you'll end up happier than with a girl who ends up in bed with you on the third date... :P

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    • Well alright, what is your definition of a nice girl?

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    • @Calex That is true. I have found myself considering the friends with benefits relationship before. But, I just meant that a girl who flaunts her chest at men in really low cut tops or who wears skirts that barely cover anything may not be as respectable.

      Your choice in clothing doesn't exactly define you. But, where I am living, most normal girls wear what they are comfortable with instead of something really revealing. Unless you are trying to pick up a guy, or sleep with him. :(

  • because 'nice' guys like to go for bitches and the hottest girls they can find. they like mean girls, and pretend they had no idea that her behavior was terrible until after everything doesn't work out. then they try and act like all girls act terribly to make themselves feel like they don't need to take responsibility for who they went after.

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  • I think because its classified as more of an issur for guys than girls. Its as if niceness interferes with a guys masculinty lmao. Total bullshit of course.

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  • The guys who call themselves nice are usually not nice. If they were than they wouldn't have to say anything about how "nice" they are. Actions speak louder than words.

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    • THIS THIS THIS!

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    • Hehe. OMG yes! Nobody should claim a label that describes how others feel around them. It's like the guys who say "I'm a super tough alpha male. Why don't girls like me?"

      Umm... Because you think you are some super tough alpaca male, yet feel like you need to tell everyone.

    • "Alpaca male". I love autocorrect sometimes.

  • I'm a nice girl and guys never pay attention to me. Only the cool girls they go for, when it of the time the nice girls are better for them. But tbh it's their lose

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  • YES! thank you. Most guys focus on a very small group of women (the fun, loud, hot girls) and then get upset when they get rejected a lot. While there are plenty of girls that would appreciate them but are getting overlooked

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    • exactly, and then the worst part is that guys will accuse girls of doing that with players, but not see how their own behavior is.

  • I feel like thanks to social media, movies, celebrities etc. people are encouraged to look as attractive as possible and try to be with someone that is also attractive. If you watch a guy movie, the girls in the movie will ALWAYS be total hotties, and same for if you watch a chick flick. Even in the movies where they have a "nice guy/girl" character they are still being played by a really attractive person, so people think that they should go for attractive people. Well my theory is that attractive people are used to people liking them, and things going their way so a majority of time they don't have to rely on being nice or developing their personality. Someone that isn't as attractive knows this and will be nice, funny, charming etc. to makeup for being not as attractive as the bad boy/bad girl.

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    • I think 2 million years of human evolution is a far more compelling factor than movies as to why people go for attractive people.

  • Because plenty of nice girls aren't attractive to said nice guys. I believe people should go for what they're attracted to anyway. I'm also sure that plenty of nice guys do go after nice girls yet they aren't interested in them either.

    It's not necessarily all about the stereotypes. There are many situations that I can describe.

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What Guys Said 49

  • Because men don't give a shit about anything other than attractiveness when it comes to women. They will date pretty much any interested girl, given physical attraction. Women are pickier and have more conditions. The only exception I can think of is men who have many more options, in which case they will be more picky.

    No one talks about nice girls, because a woman's personality is more or less irrelevant.

    An overly nice guy is confused or thought, subconsciously or otherwise, to be weak in some regard. Strength, capability, confidence, ambition are all things that you would think a nice guy lacks--and also big things women look for. A nice guy does not present himself with confidence, often. He panders to women and is essentially submissive. Some can also be viewed to be nice due to desperation for pussy. E. g., "He's being nice to me because he wants something." Some think that way.

    Whereas, it doesn't matter if a woman is weak or insecure or even a bitch. Not really, at minimum it doesn't matter to men even close to as much as it matters to women. No. I am not saying men do not have standards or desires outside of physical attraction, but they are much less pronounced than females'.

    As for getting angry when rejected, I think it's quite common for anyone. Who wouldn't be, really. "Sorry, you're not good enough for me." It's an upsetting thing. I notice some women doing the same. They flirt with me, and when I give them a cold shoulder, they become anywhere from generally angry at me to becoming vicious. "Oh, well, he must be gay." / "Oh, well, nice guys finish last." It's a rationalization to avoid personal damage. Not, "Oh... I'm not good enough", but "Pff. They're stupid or gay or confused." Typical human delusion. Everyone does it, for various things. A method to protect the ego from harsh truths.

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    • I have heard those when I reject some girls. Doesn't it amaze you? The gay comment is the most common lol.

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    • It matters because that's what we see.
      You say men basically only care about looks in who they decide to go for, but that's not true. Men are most likely to approach women within their "league". And women that catch their attention without effort, like I said the loud, centre of attention ones.

      If you're beautiful but you're kinda dressed conservatively and sit quietly in the corner, don't expect to get asked out. And you won't care if guys might think you'd be the ideal girlfriend if they never act on it. That's why, as the author said "good girls" are often left out as well

    • @ Yeah, but I didn't say "men only go for the most attractive women", simply that attractiveness was the primary thing that males seek. Physical attraction doesn't mean ideal attractiveness. There are some below average looking women who I am somewhat attracted to. As for receptiveness, I think I also covered that in the "any interested girl." An extrovertive, loud, center of attention kind of girl is probably going to be more receptive or "interested", rather than a quiet, brooding amazingly hot woman at the bar, or a quiet mouse-woman in the corner of the room.

      Point being that the requirements for men are pretty much two things: base attractiveness, and receptiveness. Those are the things they look for, whereas women have many more conditions.

      Simply because a girl is quiet doesn't mean she is a good or nice girl. Body language of the girl in the corner would relate to receptiveness. She is closed off, distanced, essentially saying "stay away from me, I want to be alone."

  • There is a huge difference between how men and women are being raised. Women are being taught to be polite, but strong enough to stand up for themselves. Guys are being to believe that in order to be nice he has to make all sorts of sacrifices that he doesn't want to make, and that even standing up for himself will turn him into an asshole, or at the very least won't be a "real man" anymore.

    This is made worse by the fact that this type of "nice" where you don't think you can stand up for yourself or tell someone no, is actually just a sign of weakness and insecurity. That is a trait that causes women to lose attraction for a guy very quickly. So the very traits guys are taught should impress women, actually repel women. This fake type of nice isn't a trait you will ever find any bad boy having. Why is that? Because what makes a bad boy attractive isn't the fact he gets into trouble, it is that fact he isn't afraid to be himself, and do what makes him happy.

    If boys stopped getting raised to believe that being nice, means sacrificing their own happiness and self respect then the whole nice guy syndrome would disappear. What it really means to be nice is to do something for someone else because you want to do that for them. The moment you think you are being pressured into acting that way, then it is no longer about you being nice. It is about you being afraid of what others will think if you don't go along with it, and that is a sign of insecurity which will repel women.

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    • And who is raising gus to be nice? Generally single mothers. The father was probably some "a hole" or "deadbeat" that they chose and left. The kid had no father and was raised that way. This is what we have as a result. If you look back at the sexual revolution, single moms, and feminism, they all have some tie together with this issue.

  • Sigh... Once again.

    The problem isn't that nice guys don't get laid.

    The problem is women reject nice guys while they are having fun, fuck a string of bad boys, then think they are worthy of the nice guys they rejected years ago when they want to settle down.

    Nice guys are calling out women as users.

    THAT'S the argument.

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    • guys always try to go for the hottest girls they can find right? they might fuck anyone but for a relationship they want the best they can find.

    • @VampireEmpress i don't agree with that. I have been enamored with such a large variety of women, mostly quirky in some way.

  • I always try to go for nice girls or no girls. I have a high standard right off the bat for picking up on what you think of men.

    I think the reason it resonates more for men is because, as another put it, it interferes with how masculine we are perceived to be. People admire a man who isn't cautious and "takes what he wants" with disregard to those around him. At least in the US, where it is the staple attractive male character.

    With girls, there doesn't seem to be this interference. It seems like sexual and emotional attractiveness are more independent from each other in women, where looks determine a lot of sexual attractiveness, and personality determines emotional attractiveness. Being nice doesn't make her less sexy.

    For guys, it's like we have to choose whether we are emotionally attractive OR sexually attractive, because both are determined by personality, and a lot of the sexiest "manly" traits are the same traits that piss them off. It feels like they can like you, or they can be attracted to you, but being both is a tightrope walk that does feel like it leaves room to just be yourself.

    In practice, it feels like girls prefer a nicer guy, but secretly crave living out one of their fantasy romance novels where their sheer goodness heals a damaged man. So they look for a man who needs to be fixed. The same way a guy fantasizes about saving a girl. The difference is that for a guy, being good and happy impedes her fantasy. But being a happy and nice girl doesn't impede on his.

    I suppose that's why one study showed that men liked pictures of girls who were smiling, while women were least attracted to smiling men, but preferred aloofness or pride.

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  • the funny thing is the nice guys/girls always end up being the best friend or the shoulder to cry on after a breakup and they're too nice to actually move on and live their own life.

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  • Generally the attraction to the "bad" isn't as strong in men. From a very young age men are drawn to "nice" girls. How many nice little nerdy girls do you know that are single compared to nice little nerdy boys?

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  • Most people are nice, okay? "Nice guy" and "nice girl" are basically just titles given to people when they have nothing special to offer.

    Like you tell your friend how much you like your crush, and you ask your friend what he thinks of her, and he says "oh, uhhh... she's... nice..." Because really, she's not a noteworthy person in any way.

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  • All the 'nice' girls i've dated later told me they were too busy with work or study to hang out with me more or straight up ignored me. Makes you wonder why they were dating in the first place. But I'm still holding out hope for them for some reason.

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  • Nahh I think you are overlooking the bad boy bad girl complex abit. It's like a vicious cycle most good girls will not take a good guy because they are afraid of the peer pressure of being with a dude with no 'swag'. Plus the process of becoming a bad girl or boy isn't instantaneous usually it's small things that already wilt and limit your preferences down. The good guy is definitely down played in current culture so most guys have this double facade of wanting to be good and bad, and females vice versa wanting all the allure of a bad boy but then down the line wanting a good guy who is stable and treats them right.

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  • Oh trust me, I did ask nice girls out guess what? They love bad boys. And I saw nice guys ask them nice girls but yet they reject them cuz they are not interesting enough. Not my word it their word.

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    • I never like bad girls as well. I don't remember my guys friends have thing for bad girls seriously

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