What do I do about this girl?

So I have become close with a girl who lives across the hall from me in my residential hall. I was there for her when she was going through a lot with her ex boyfriend (he was a complete jerk to her and didn't treat her well at all) and I was there for her when he dumped her. Keep in mind that she is relatively inexperienced with boys (hasnt had a major boyfriend before) so I feel like she is extra vulnerable. Over time we have grown pretty close and things have gotten really flirty. Our friends have noticed a lot and feel some spark between us, and I feel it too. Her best friend even set us up as dates to our freshman dance. Many times when we have gotten drunk she becomes really touchy with me and tries to make a move on me. However, when I confronted her about what has happened and asked whether we should move things forward, she said she thinks it is better that we stay friends. She said she fears splitting our friend group if things dont work out between us and doesn't want to ruin what we have. The night after this convo, she made another move on me again. So, I am a bit confused as to what to do about this girl. I really like her and I know we would make a great couple, but I dont know why she says we should "remain friends" and then be really flirty and touchy with me? I dont feel like she is truly over her ex yet, so I was thinking of waiting until after break (so that she has more time to recover) and then ask her out on a date. What do you think? Does her drunk behavior represent her concious/sober thoughts that she is too afraid to explore? Where do I go from here? Thanks!!
Also, do you guys think I should text her over break?


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What Girls Said 2

  • maybe she just has a flirty personality? I know a lot of the time, guys misinterpret a girl who wants to be friends with her being interested in them. why don't you tell her how you feel when she's not drunk and see how she responds?

  • Maybe she wants friends with benefits

    • Maybe, but only when she's drinking I think, although if he plays his cards right and that's what he wants it could turn into that.

What Guys Said 1

  • This is actually pretty simple. Alcohol raises testosterone in both males and females. This hormone increases sex drive. Alcohol lowers inhibitions as well. When she's under the influence she's touchy feely because she's horny, and her inhibitions are lowered. She is also on the rebound. She likely has decreased confidence and needs and ego boost.

    If your looking to get laid or just fool around you should go for it, because I predict that's all you will get from her. She probably feels somewhat safe with you and I think she'd be like this with any guy she felt somewhat safe with. Next time she does that, double your game. You'll probably at least make out with her.

    When she's sober she "friend zoned" you. The sad reality is she's not interested in you as a boyfriend and probably as nothing else unless she's been drinking.

    The I don't want to break up our group of friends is pure BS. That's her way of telling you she's not interested. People when they're highly interested in someone break up families let alone groups of friends. I think if she was really into you, you wouldn't hear that lame excuse.

    Ask yourself "Why would she be afraid of breaking up the group"? Either she would enter into a relationship with no serious intent in it, or doesn't foresee it lasting very long. Who is concerned about the relationship ending before it's even started.

    Anytime you hear the "let's be friends thing" it pretty much means nothing is going to happen with that chick and the chances of that changing ever are almost 0%.

    Lastly, if you feel she still has feelings for her ex, you're probably right. You don't want to end up being a short term rebound for her do you? If your not interested in at least minimally making out and some heavy petting next time she's drinking, move on. Also it is possible if you make a bold move WITHOUT discussing it with her, she might see you have confidence and some balls and you might ignite passion in her and might be able to get a relationship going, maybe if you're lucky. Don't confront her about her feelings about you. Next time she gets touchy feely, kiss her. Steal a kiss. She'll either go with it or shut you down. If she goes with it, it's a win. If she shuts you down its still a win. Better she think of you as a little ballsy and slightly sexually aggressive than nice and sweet and caring. It might set things up down the road for you and her, but ultimately the "friend zone" is ominous at best.

    Good luck and happy hunting.

    • Thanks so much for the great response!! Just curious, what do you make of her excessive flirtiness and touchiness with me when she is sober? All of my suitemates have noticed that she is only flirty and touchy with me when she comes in to hang out, and most of the time won't stay if I am not there. Also, I did steal a kiss once with her. She wasn't expecting it (went in for a hug) but when she saw I was going in for a kiss she grabbed my face and kissed me back. What do you make of that? Thanks again!

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    • Haha you're a legend man. Next time anything happens I'm gonna act on it. Hopefully it's not too late. I will probably text her a little bit over break to stay in contact. Thanks!!

    • Thanks. I think I've got my sh*t pretty well together when it comes to the so called game of love, and dating and relationships.

      Glad I could help.

      Best of luck.

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