Dated a friend, did I wreck the friendship?

This guy and I were friends (though not extremely close). I liked him and made it obvious. He asked me out. We went on 3 dates then he ended it because I'm not willing to put out, I want a relationship but want to wait till marriage or at least a long term relationship before sex, he wanted to sleep with me ASAP. He was honest about it, didn't try to force me...he just told me that it was probably best if we didn't keep seeing each other like that. It hurt but I understand that there wasn't any point trying to make it work when we knew it wouldn't because we wanted different things. No hard feelings there, I was cool with it.

But I wanted to stay friends because he's a great guy - we got to know each other better and had really good conversations...meaningful ones, and I could talk to him about things I couldn't talk to anyone else about. When we ended it I asked him if we’d still be friends. He said maybe…only a maybe because he said feelings were involved so it was hard to go back to being friends. But I was going away for a month the next day and he said to give him a call when I got back from my holiday. I never did call him when I got back but he started a conversation with me on online chat and said to message him sometime.

I messaged him one day and ran into him later that day just by complete coincidence. It was really awkward just because it was the first time we’d seen each other since then. He took days to reply to the message and when I sent a message back asking if he wanted to catch up (as friends) he said yes, when. When I told him what days I was free he took a few days to reply. His excuse for taking so long to reply is always I was busy, I was sick, I was tired, I had work. He said he was coming to my birthday on the weekend but didn’t show up…I got a message from him later giving some excuse again, but saying hopefully he’d see me once semester starts.

Does he actually want to be friends still or did I wreck the friendship by dating him? It’s not the fact that he dumped me that I can’t get over, it’s the fact that it seems like he doesn’t even want to be friends and that all those deep conversations by the river meant nothing to him. If he doesn’t want to be friends why does he keep making promises then not keeping them? Why doesn’t he just make an excuse in the first place or just be honest instead of seeing me up for disappointment? He’s usually very honest about his feelings.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If I were you, I would try to move on from this guy. He seems to me like a definite "good weather friend." He's there when he thinks that he's going to get laid, but the second he finds out that he can't, suddenly everything in the world is more important. He's willing to listen to you and lighten your burden as long as he thinks you're willing to jump in the sack with him. My advice to you would be to find someone who's willing to listen to you because they want to help you or because they care about you. That person doesn't seem to be him. Also, on a slightly different note: Any guy you meet should respect your decisions about sex without making a big deal of it--or he's not someone you should even be considering.

    • Thanks. Very well said, you're very mature for an 18 year old guy

    • That's what they say... By the way... Thank YOU. I'm glad I could help. =]

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What Guys Said 1

  • He's one of those guy that makes us look bad. He was just playing the game in hopes of getting something and probably would have left you when things started going farther is in actually becoming a relationship. Forget this guy. He wrecked the friendship you not at fault and don't let him make you think anything otherwise. A good friend male or female should respect your choices.


What Girls Said 2

  • Truthfully, a guy who wanted to jump into sex that quickly was probably a guy who enjoyed "friendship" with you as a means to and end. In other words, he was fine with the convo and everything if it was leading to sex. I don't mean it in a strictly harsh, premeditated way, but when it comes down to it, making time and taking energy to see or talk to a girl that he has no chance with (sexually) for him is probably a bit more than he wants to do at any given time. I bet he has some intention of doing what he says but when the time comes, if it isn't really easy for him to make it happen, he won't follow through. Or if a better offer comes through, he's going to go with that.

    So, the way I look at it, a lot of us have enough friends. When something doesn't work out with an opposite sex acquaintance, we really just don't stand much of a chance of being friends. The cost outweighs the benefits.

  • I agree with matt...This guys seems immature to say the least...And kudos to you for having the maturity to stand your ground! You go girl! Cheers!

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