Should Men Always Pay For Dates/Outings?

I am 25... and I gotta say, I hate dating sometimes. I have no problem getting a woman's number and going on a few dates... but dating can become costly when you are paying for you and the woman.

The last time I went on a date, we went to the Cheesecake Factory. The girl I was with ordered a lot of food and I also got a few things. Between the both of us, all of that cost me $120. So, basically, I had to pay for her and for myself.

I see this quite often. It's like, if a girl knows she doesn't have to pay, she gets more stuff. Like this one girl I was with before, we went out for drinks. I ordered 1 drink the entire night and she got 5. That tab cost me $40.

This isn't the 1950s anymore. I view relationships as a partnership and both parties are equal, liable and responsible for what they get when they go out. A guy shouldn't be made to pay for everything, and a woman should pay for her own stuff. I think that's fair.

  • Men Should Always Pay For Dates/Outing
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  • It Should Be 50/50 - Men & Women Should Split The Bill
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I also feel like if you are always paying for the outings, there's more of a chance that a woman will just see you as a doormat.
Good points. HOWEVER... a lot of people are saying, "The person who asks for the date, should be the one to pay for it". How often do women invite men on dates? It is usually the man who initiates the date...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think a man should at least offer to pay for the first date, especially if he did the asking. However, when I'm on a date, I will order 1/2 drinks and a basic main meal, nothing extravagant. I will always offer to go Dutch, I'm impressed by a guy who's willing to pay for the first date, it means he's old school, which I like but after that, I'm happy to pay for myself or split it or whatever. The only reason I want a guy to pay first is I've dated enough losers to know, him 'forgetting his wallet' or just paying his half is 100% a sign the guy is a dick and doesn't see this going anywhere or he's a guy who will be a drain on me and MY money. I work a minimum wage job, I can pay my own way and I'm not interested in anyone else's money but as I don't want someone spending my money, I won't spend theirs either. I'm not an expensive girlfriend, I don't ask to be paid for all the time but just for a first date, I want a guy to show his interest. I'm sure I'll get down voted but sorry, that's just my opinion.

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    • No you won't get downvoted, that's how girlfriend's should be.

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    • @funny_strange_man thank you :)

    • @Franklin11726 it's not the 1950s anymore and like i said women do ask guys out. Is the guy suppose to pay then?

Most Helpful Guy

  • The problem with deciding who "should" pay for dates is that there is no correct answer. There are arguments to be made for several positions. The more important consideration is "how would the different options work out for you?"

    Traditional women envision that one day, they will have children and be a stay-at-home mom. They are looking for a man who will be able to support her and their family. They may see a guy's concern about paying as a warning sign. Perhaps that is not "fair" but I think that is the way that it works.

    Yes, some women can take advantage of a guy when he is paying for everything. You don't need to take a girl out for a fancy meal on a first date and you can close the bar tab before she orders 7 bloody marys. However, I look at that behavior as a warning sign: this girl did not pass the test and there will not be a second date. The investment of that money may have saved from making a much worse decision down the road.

    The woman I want will accept traditional gender roles. That means that I pay for everything when we go out. If I insist on 50/50, some women who are otherwise nice ladies may lose interest because they would assume that I am a cheap jerk.

    If you want to go 50/50 on dates, tell a girl in advance. . . but anticipate that your announcement will have some consequences.

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What Girls Said 22

  • hell no. i want to pay for whatever i order. i don't want to "owe" a guy anything.

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  • I believe that both should pay. Unless you specifically say "I want to take you out" (magic words guys don't realize girls misinterpret often) then I believe the mandatory default is dutch.

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  • Wow, that's insane. Whenever a guy offers to pay for me, I do the opposite; I order less food or cheaper food!

    I very much appreciate the gesture when a guy pays for me, but I won't hold it against him if he doesn't. I've been in my current relationship for a year and a half and we usually go 50/50, although occasionally one of us will treat the other.

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    • Rule of thumbs: Whoever ask who out should pay.

  • I think it depends on the situation of the people dating. When I was a student and dating students, I would always either share or take turns paying. That's cos money is tight then, and every penny matters.

    But now as a professional, dating professionals, paying for a meal doesn't really make a dent in the pocket. So I do prefer it if the guy pays for when we are out together. I just don't want to be bothered with the technicalities of paying. I am on a night out, and just want to enjoy myself, and I really appreciate it when a guy takes care of that part of the evening for me. It's not like I don't pay at all though. I occasionally would treat him, and also buy other things like theatre/ event / concert tickets and things. Also sometimes if we go shopping, I make excuse to pay for his stuff, saying I have a membership at the store and get a discount or something. I like to even it out that way, cos I just like not being bothered to deal with the bill on a regular basis.

    It is just my preference though. It's not a deal breaker if a guy expects me to pay. On the first few dates, I offer to pay or split and gauge their preference. I have no problem paying for my stuff; I can afford it. But a guy who would offer to pay everytime gets brownie points 😊.

    Also yeah, I never take advantage of a guy and order more stuff, just cos he is paying. I eat and drink like a bird anyway...

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  • It should even out.

    Not necessarily splitting the bill every time but if one pays one time then the other should pay the next time... or they can split.

    I take my boyfriend out a lot, actually.

    I also make like 1,000 more a paycheck than him currently so... it's only fair that the one with the money pays more, no?

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What Guys Said 23

  • People should pay for their own damn shit. It's REALLY not a difficult concept. I don't pay for my friends when we go out. If they didn't have their wallet, I would loan them some money or just buy their shit, depending on how close I am to them. I'm supposed to pay for her 'cause she has a vagina? Naaa. A woman like that is of no interest to me.

    Here's the thing. If she expects me to pay, then it is as if I owe her something for the privilage of asking her out. It means that she is not interested in me. It means that she is making a sacrifice by going on a date with me, which must be offset by me paying for her. "welllllll, I really don't want to go, but if you pay for my food, then I suppose it won't be too great of a loss."

    I believe the implicit statement in that is "Consider me your goddess, to pay you such attention. You are lucky, mortal. I am deigning to give you some of my time, serf. To offset this cost, you will pay for my food. And my pristine hands shall never meet a doorknob, nor car door. Please me, and I will consider bringing you unto my circle of subjects."

    It's like paying for the opportunity to get an interview. Tell me. Who pays to go to a job interview?

    I am not a puppy to be humping womens' pantlegs. Nor am I a baser serf looking to serve a queen. No. You must prove to me that you are capable of being *my* queen. As I must prove to you that I am capable of being your king. On equal levels. I have more fucking pride than that.

    And yes. As you stated. A lot of people are saying that the person who asks for the date should pay. And men ask out 99.99% of the time. That's basically just saying men should pay for the dates. It's because people are trying to subversively say that men should pay for dates, but really only believe that a woman should pay for a date if she asks a man out (which she will do.00001% of the time). It's a really cheap trick to try to get people to fuck off the topic.

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  • Keep it simple. Pay for yourself and leave it at that.

    The idea that you should pay for someone because you invite them is stupid. If they couldn't afford to pay for themselves all they have to do is say, "i don't have enough money for that". That's where the conversation of who pays will take place. You might even change venue if neither can afford to pay for two.

    If we're talking about how things should be from a societal standpoint, whoever invites the other buys does not work. Because society also pushes for the man to be the asker. Many women will never be the one to ask the guy out. They'll just leave the door open for him to ask her. Which leads to men always paying or paying 90% of the time.

    So yes, guys and girls. If someone invites you on a date that requires money, think about whether or not you can afford to pay your way. If not. Then speak up and say so before hand. The guy actually might decide on new plans instead of being stuck with the bill at the end of the night. That's BS that can easily be avoided.

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    • If a woman grew up understanding finances and has some respect she'll be willing to pay for herself. Obviously if you offer to pay it's nice and she can gracefully accept. But that shouldn't be the expectation.

      If a man is expected to pay. Then it's reasonable for it to be expected for the girl to have sex with him at the end of the night

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    • @franklin11726

      Also. To say that this way of thinking reflects the entire relationship is also unsound. How you treat a girl you just met and how you treat a girlfriend or a wife are different. It should not be expected of the man to be the "Provider", when it's just 2 people getting to know eachother. Sure, when you two are actually together. You should take your woman out and pay. I feel that as the right thing to do. But for it to be expected for the man to always pay for a stranger that he has no attachment to past being moderately interested? That's a lot of cash if you're talking to more than one girl. a lot of free dinners for the girl who is also most likely going out with other guys.

    • I'm glad you don't have a sister too. If her way of thinking is anywhere close to yours, she'll be a lonely widow that won't "settle" and over estimates her value while never bothering to put equal effort into dating. Sitting back like the porcelain princess that waits to be doted on by random men, because people you taught her she should be that way.

  • It should definitely be 50-50, and you shouldn't take a woman on a first date to such an expensive dinner. You're gonna spend so much money on someone you don't know if you're gonna like each other, or if she's a gold digger. Leave those dates for later, 3rd date for example, when you know for sure that this may become something.

    The first date should be paid by the one that asked, after that it should be 50-50. If a woman expects you to pay for them, run, cause you're just an ATM for her.

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  • 50/50. I wouldn't mind paying the entire bill or each one pays for a different date but, that's later. I'm not going to spend my money on someone who expects me to pay for the "first date at least" in order to "show that I care". Well, how am I going to know if SHE cares? So the bargain is if a guy gives money + time = he cares. If a girl gives time + accepts free dinner = she cares?

    Nope... not with me...

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  • Well you don't have to do anything I mean if you don't want to spend all the money or you want to keep a price limit on it you kind of have to let her know before the date you know? so you don't necessarily have to pay for everything it's up to you.

    Personally I prefer to pay for everything myself because I'm old fashioned, but if I have to stay within a certain amount I let her know beforehand but otherwise I'll always bring enough to cover everything.

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