Should I message her through FB - how would you ladies react to this?

Ok so over a year ago I dated this girl I met through an online site. We went out 5 times. And I'll never forget after our first date where we spoke for over 3 hours she texted me right after how she was about to give up on dating until she met me that evening.

I was falling for her fast. After our second and third date she'd text me after saying what a great time she had - how great it was seeing me etc. On our last date she invited me to spend half a day with her. We walked her dogs in the park, went to her place to hang out, cook dinner, and watch TV. But after this date she slowly began to disapear and distance herself from me.

I didn't try kissing her once. I didn't try holding her hand. I didn't try putting my arm around her or even complimenting her outside of text. No wonder she lost interest. I was so scared I was going to screw up I didn't take any chances and screwed up because of it. And I just let her disapear.

Now over a year later I noticed her profile when I checked 'people you may know'. And over the last few days I've had serious thoughts of sending her a FB message just letting it all out about why I didn't take initiative and why I want to sate her again. I'm fairly sure she is still single.

How would you react to this? I feel like such a creep and extremely desperate for even thinking of this. I've had a short relationship with someone since I last saw her and have had dozens of dates. None of them compare wo what I felt with her. Should I go through with it? Do I need to just let this go? I'm really torn on this...


Most Helpful Girl

  • DONT say anout taking initiative! You're assuming thats what the problem was, but you have no idea whether that was the case or not! Without knowing that was the problem, explaining it is very strange, and I think would seriously ruin all chances. This early in a relationship you shouldn't apologise/explain you're behaviour, just let it slide instead of drawing focus.
    Just send a casual message, asking how she's been and gauge how to respond and lead it further based on her responses.
    But please under no circumstances "let it all out". Bad plan. Start fresh.

    • Thank you for this. I had dream about her last night for some reason and so I woke up at 5am with high emotions. I'm so happy I asked a question here before doing anything stupid. I actually went back to sleep and woke up again and realized how crazy that would be if I messaged her and apologized for what I thought went wrong. Yikes. I think the casual message (if any) is the way to go

    • Show All
    • I actually didn't go through with it and am over it! This has happened to me before where I wake up from a dream and have this urge to contact a girl I fell for a year ago. If I wait a few days it goes away. It has helped that I'm dating other women at this time too. I don't think I'll ever contact her again to be honest, and I'm ok with that

    • Yeah, I mean considering it's been a year.. She could have changed since you knew her. Ah well, wish you the best :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • I would add her and send a short message ,
    "Hi there, remember me? I hope you have a great holiday ! We haven't spoken in a while I'd love to catch up on things with you. I hope to hear from you soon "---insert name.

    Let her have the opportunity to respond and add you before you spill your heart
    First try to catch up on things because so much time has passed.
    When it's apparent you have caught her interest again in some way (assuming she's messaging you back and not waiting weeks before responding) then tell her your initiative.
    Let her know you were a little younger , inexperienced and you didn't know exactly how to handle things at that point. Let her know you're a little older and more mature , you wouldn't let such a great girl slip away again.

    Best wishes.
    I hope things work out.

    Just take things slow
    Don't spill the beans in the first message.
    Play it cool.

  • Awww... You are not a creep at all. It is normal for you to have lingering feelings when you get blindsided or the fade off. When she distanced herself from you, did you talk to her, or ask her what the matter was?

    5 dates and no signals from a man of physical attraction can be rather off putting. I am facing the same thing with a man I am currently dating. She might have thought you were not too into her, and didn't want to waste her time. That last date especially, when she invited you to her place, she was probably hoping for something to happen.

    Anyway I don't think there is anything creepy about you reaching out to her. I would react positively to a message Like that. But don't dilly dally, say your pleasantries and ask to talk to her in person or over the phone, and bare your feelings to her. Trust me, she will be flattered. While she might not feel the same, if she is single, I think she will give a chance to dating you again...

  • I literally had a guy kinda like you I dated last year for a few weeks send me FB message "Wake up! Lets's date again!!! haha love his optimistic spunk ;)

    • I don't think I can go through with it. It was just one night where I had a dream about her and woke up with all of these emotions like I wanted to make contact with her again. They've since faded quite a bit - it was all brought back from that stupid dream I had. This has happened before where a girl I really fell for appeared in my dream and I woke up with intense feelings for her again like I just broke up the night before.

    • Oh, well if it's fleeting then don't bother. Only message her if You truly miss her and feel love for her.

    • That's just it - I don't know. I would love to date her again, and think about her from time to time (which is silly since it was only 5 dates) but it's more I think of how I really let an amazing woman get away. I've never gone out with someone like that before. But if I can get by without contact, maybe just let bygones be bygones

What Guys Said 1

  • Every girl have her own operating system with some codes common with other girls, There is only way to find out text her I don, t think She will say something bad on Christmas So now is the chance man Do it otherwise you have to wait 1 year to get that chance, Just do it.