Is it fair to require confidence in a partner if you don't have confidence yourself?

I see a lot of people (mainly women, but some guys too) wanting their ideal partner to be confident, yet they have little confidence themselves. Is such a desire reasonable or hypocritical?

  • Yes (reasonable)
    Vote A
  • No (hypocritical)
    Vote B
  • Other (explain)
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it's hypocritical because if one person doesn't have the confidence themself then they might seek it out of someone else to help them feel better. Or to even bring out their own confidence. Two people in a relationship with absolutely no confidence whatsoever wouldn't work out the best in some cases.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You are using a poor definition of hypocrisy.

    By your definition, every heterosexual couple out there is made up of a pair of hypocrites. Each partner requires the other to be something they are not: men require women for partners and women require men.

    A lack of perfect symmetry is not hypocrisy.

    Any individual may have any requirement for a partner they want. If no potential partner agrees to those terms, the individual remains alone. If a happy (though asymmetric) coupling comes into being, who are you to stand in judgement of them?

    Requiring more of another than you bring to the table may make your dating life challenging but it is not a moral failing itself.

    • I may have used a poor definition of hypocrisy, yet I described a type of hypocrisy nonetheless. I understand your point that desirable traits between the sexes can never be identical; but for the purposes of this question, I am just focusing on confidence. I also your point that confidence isn't binary, it's a gradation, but for the purposes of this question, I framed it as binary, for simplification purposes. Asking nuanced questions isn't as fun.

    • I also understand your point*

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It's reasonable since typically speaking, people don't choose to date themselves.


What Guys Said 2

  • "No (hypocritical)" and once again "they like those people" because it makes their life a whole lot easier dating wise. Ya know because it is the "path of least resistance" or whatever... I've been thinking of that for a while but forgot to ask a question about it LOL.

  • There is someone out there for everyone. Not everyone requires a high-confidence-level in their partner.

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