Guys, Does he love me?

I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year and he hasn't said "I love you" yet. I'm not sure if he's using me for sex, sometimes I just feel like a fuck buddy with a title of girlfriend. Is it possible for him to love me and just not want to say it, or he hasn't fallen in love with me yet? It makes me feel really awful, like I'm unlovable.


Most Helpful Guy

  • No the guys who just say "I love you" whillie nillie right from the start are the ones that are using you. Maybe he doesn't believe in it. Maybe saying the word doesn't mean anything to him. Doesn't mean he cares about you any less he just doesn't see the importance of saying a four letter word.

    Here's the real issue. YOU aren't talking to him about it if you came to ask us. YOU need to let him know how you feel and you're worried he doesn't like you and you want more verbal communication of your feelings for each other. He isn't a mind reader and he isn't going to try and fix something he doesn't even know is broken.

    • I would if he gave me non verbal ques of loving me, I want the first time we say it to be a sweet memory. Every other cute memory I'm suppose to have I've been robbed of, like when he should have asked me to be his girlfriend. He didn't, we acted like a couple and out of frustration one day I said "what are we?". It had been over half a year of going on dates and acting bf/gf ish. After I said that he's like "well I guess we're boyfriend and gf" and I was like "ok". It wasn't a sweet moment. :(

      I've also asked him if he loved his ex and he says yes, I dont know if he verbalized it to her but it feels awful knowing he loved her and doesn't love me.

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What Guys Said 3

  • That's just wrong. Your expectations are completely reasonable, and his behaviour is, at best, thoughtless and insensitive. You absolutely shouldn't allow him to make you feel like this, intentionally or otherwise - you need to talk to him about how you feel and have a proper discussion of where your relationship is going. After a year you shouldn't need to dance around this issue, and if he's not sufficiently smart and mature to deal with it supportively and constructively, well, it's time for him to jog on! Best of luck - you deserve better than this.

    • Thanks, I just don't want to ruin that moment you know? I wouldn't know how to bring it up gently and I'm scared to say it first because he doesn't exactly give me the signs of being in love with me.

    • I understand, but I think it's time you were honest with yourself about this relationship and what you want for yourself. It really shouldn't be difficult to have very open conversions with your partner after this much time - the fact that it is, and that you doubt this guy's commitment, strongly suggests that in its present form the relationship is seriously unhealthy. The easy thing is to bury your head in the sand and try to suppress your feelings - the right thing to do is to confront the problem. Potentially more painful in the short term, but in a year from now you'll thank yourself because either your current relationship will have developed into something stronger and healthier, or you'll be with a different guy who will make you feel as secure and loved as you deserve to feel. You owe it to yourself to force a change in this unsatisfactory situation. Good luck!

  • I don't know. What I can say is this. Whether he says it or not, talk is cheap. Does he behave as though he loves you? I think the answer to that will reveal a lot.

    I'd also tell you that you have women's intuition. Use it. If you gut is saying he's using you, I'd definitely examine things more closely. If that's what your gut says there's a good chance that's the case.

    Have you ever told him you love him? I have a rule I live by. I won't say it until she says it first. After that I'll say it whenever. Maybe he's like me on that one.

    Good luck.

    • I'm the same way, I've never said it first BUT I would if I knew he felt that way, like if he looked in my eyes and held that gaze and had that loving look in his eyes. If he embraced me in a sweet way and not only sexual. I always initiate cuddles and hand holding etc. He doesn't ever do little romantic gestures either. It sucks because I love him so it's hard to let go.

    • That's unfortunate that you seem to love him a lot, but will have difficulty letting go. Sounds like you've got some thinking to do. My personal opinion is he probably doesn't love you. You have my sympathy. Best of luck.

  • Obviously he doesn't love you :(