I have a date tonight but I'm nervous & nauseous because it reminds me of my last relationship & I don't feel ready... Do I still go?

This guy and I never met but we've been talking online for a couple of months and he's "legit" like not dangerous, whatever. I have him on Facebook and we have similar friends and whatnot. He seems like a genuinely great soft nice dude. The thing is, a couple months ago I broke up with my first boyfriend ever (we only dated for 4 months but spent every day together). I'm 21 now. My last relationship was terrible; he had anger problems; he treated me poorly and was so selfish and had disgusting behavior. Sexually I was not treated well. That's all I'll say. (It just took me so long to realize? I don't know WHAT I was thinking... I'm in disbelief that my head was that far up in the clouds... Complete disbelief as to who I even was). My family and friends didn't like him; they warned me of it; I disagreed and defended him; they were right. It's not until now that I realize it. And now whenever I think of any man'a hands on me or anything, I feel like wretching.. Serious disgust and I just don't want to think about it. I feel untouchable right now and it's as if I don't want to be touched by any guy. It just sucks because this guy makes me laugh, he's so sweet... But I'm just really scared and don't want to do anything with anyone, yet I do? I don't know what to do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Go out with him and have fun. If you think he is fun on FB he will be hilarious in person. Just allow yourself some space from the leariness of touch at this point. If he wants to get touchy shut it down and let him know it isn't going to go fast


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What Girls Said 2

  • i would go anyway; just make sure that you meet somewhere public, and that you plan an escape route- a backup plan, just in case things don't go well or you don't want to continue with the date.

    i've been in the same place as you, only it took me almost 7 years to wake up and realize that i deserved better than the abusive, alcoholic asshole i was with at the time. after some of the things he did, i didn't think that i'd ever have a normal, healthy sex life ever again... after that mess ended, i dated my best friend for almost 2 years because he was "safe" to me. i went to counselling. and then i started dating again; i broke up with my friend because i no longer needed the safety net he provided, and i met my soulmate shortly after.

    just keep in mind that you don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. you don't have to be serious right away; keep it light, and just have fun.

  • I really think you should go and allow yourself to have a good time.

    But if you feel that strongly,
    I think you should respect this guy enough to be honest about your past and your feelings.
    If your heart isn't ready to be with someone else... it doesn't matter how nice this guy is, the relationship between the both of you will never work out.

    You simply have to let yourself heal before you can pursue another.
    You cannot even think about entering into a relationship when you are broken, and not yet whole.


    Give yourself time.
    You have to put you first.
    He'll be disappointed if you cancel on him, but I am sure he will understand.
    I think you should also cut him loose in that way if you're not emotionally ready to fully invest yourself in another relationship.

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