Does he really love me? Is he crazy?

I'm 21 years old and I just got together with my first boyfriend. It took almost half a year for me to finally agree to be his girlfriend but I did. And not long after becoming "official" he told me he loves me. Ok pause. Background story. We hung out over the summer but it didn't lead to a relationship. We remained friends and apparently we both retained feelings. The thing is I wouldn't say I love him just yet. I care about him a lot I can see a future with him. But I'm not head over heels. Whereas he talks like we're soulmates and he never wants to leave me. I met his family and they're really nice and normal. He obviously grew up with a positive image of a man and woman. I have met his best friend several times. Good sign right? I guess I'm just a little taken aback because we're so young and he is so into me. I guess I'm just a cautious girl. I'd never hurt him or anything. I'm just wondering if I don't know his behavior is OK and should I take it as a good sign? by the way I did not grow up seeing a man and woman happily together so that only further raises my suspicions.


Most Helpful Girl

  • So it seems like he is either:
    1) immature
    2) confused
    3) actually in love

    1) You would probably know by now if he is immature, whether that is something you like or not about him is immaterial; bottom line is that in this case, it isn't actually love.

    2) You are the best thing he's had so far, and these new deeper feelings of his are the deepest he's ever felt, so it must be love, right? He believes that he loves you, and this may be due to some confusion just because he's been raised in a home with a strong, successful relationship. In this case, you should definitely talk to him about this, ask him some questions about how old his parents were when they got together (he could be trying to get a similar relationship, since his parents worked out so well), other things like that.

    3) If he is neither of the first two options, then he probably really is in love with you, and should understand that you don't feel the same just yet, if you ever will. Let him know that you can see a future with him, but that you aren't comfortable with saying those words before you truly feel them. I'm assuming he is aware of your past experience/witnessing of failed relationships, so just be sure that he knows you aren't as immediately trusting as he is because of it.

    In all of these three cases, try dropping subtle things into his head that could lead him to rethink what he's said and make sure that he means it. If it isn't something he would get too touchy about, you can talk with him upfront about it. Just be like "Hey, are you sure you love me?" and run over everything you think could be 'wrong' or misunderstood (not my plan of choice, but hey, whatever works).

    No matter what, just tell him how you really feel about it. He became more vulnerable after telling you he loves you, and may not have expected those words back, but he was hoping for them. As long as you're sensitive and you respect his feelings, he should understand and respect your own feelings. This situation doesn't have to be a problem as long as both of you are aware of where your relationship is.


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  • Take it as a good sign. He seems to be really into you.

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