She says we make too much sense together, that I'm too perfect, what do I do?

I have had feelings for this girl since my freshman year in high school. We've always She dated the same guy through high school. Then this past summer they broke up and we got close while she was on the road touring the country performing. She comes home and we start to hangout but she started school and we didn't see each other that much but my feelings were as strong as ever. Then I had to move to Arizona and had to leave her behind. But I got to spend my whole last day with her and her mom and it was amazing! Her mom used to teach music at my high school so we knew each other but never talked since I wasn't in her class. We hit it off immediately! We talked for hours, it was a dream come true. I ended up admitting my feelings finally to her that night before I left and she said she was so glad i told her because she always wanted to know how I felt about her. Needless to say I wasn't expecting a relationship at that point since I was moving the next day and that is not how I wanted to start our relationship. So we agree to take time, grow, and see where it goes. I come home for the first time since moving in the summer. Partially to see her on her b-day (today... 12-29) and for the holidays. We get to hang out for a couple hours and it was great! We had so much fun together just hanging and talking at her place. It feels so right! By the end of the night our relationship and where it stood came back up in discussion and she told me "This isn't going to make sense, but you're too perfect. We would make too much sense together. I want to date someone completely opposite of me. I can't explain it." WHAT? I spend years trying to just make her happy and be there and at the end of all that I get told I did too good of a job? What does that mean? What do I do?

  • Give up?
    Vote A
  • Keep trying?
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I voted A, but I don't say that without a sense of hope for you and her. She has recognized that you're great together, but her saying she wants to find her opposite shows she has some curiosities and things she wants to explore... not at all uncommon, especially in college. You need to go out and worry about being your own person in a new place. You can't wait for her, but that isn't to say that, at some point in the future, she might not come around and recognize he value what you two had. If anything, her seeing you doing your thing and trying new things may only increase her interest in you.


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What Girls Said 1

  • That's code for: you're not exciting.

    Which isn't always bad and you are going to be exciting to someone else.


What Guys Said 5

  • It sounds like you got friend zoned. Like you are the perfect best friend, but not a lover. I think you have to let her go and start seeing other women. You have a good opportunity since you just moved.

    If you remain friends with this girl, can you do that and still see other girls? Or will you continue to pine away for her and ignore any other girls who come along? If you are unable to be friends and see other girls then you might have to cut her off completely.

    As far as being too good and wanting the opposite, I can only guess. I'd guess that she thinks something is missing in her life, like some part of her that is not fulfilled. If I were to really guess, I'd guess she has a wild and adventurous side that she wants to pursue (even if she doesn't know herself what she's looking for).

    You spent too long liking her without making a solid move. That's a good way to get friend zoned.

    • That't the thing. I've dated other girls so I know I can see others, its just none of them are as easy to connect with and make me as happy as she does. And I would've come out and said something but I didn't want to interrupt what SEEMED to be her perfect relationship.

    • Ugh. Yeah that really sucks. What that means is that she really likes you as a person/friend... But for whatever reason she doesn't want to date you. Her saying "you're too perfect, we make too much sense" means that she's trying to be nice while turning you down. There's nothing you can do to change her mind. Any attempt to change that will make her think you're psycho, or at least dumb, for not taking the hint. Sorry dude, but them's the brakes. It sucks, but you gotta pull yourself together and move on. Good luck! Later...

    • You're going to have to admit to yourself that it's not going to work. For whatever reason she isn't able to give you what you want. You might not have connected with anyone else the same way, but give it time. Just realize that every girl is different and you'll like different things about them. Don't hold this first girl up as the standard to be measured against. That's not fair to yourself or any girl in the future. Take each girl as she comes. Then let it grow.

      Don't make the mistake of spending too many years of your life waiting for one girl who isn't going to work out. Time is the most valuable thing we have in life. Once we spend it we can't get it back. So spend it wisely and move your life forward.

  • It's time to close that door and move on. What she really means is that you are boring.

  • yea Safe to say she is insane

  • Dear lord, give up. As a dude who has been there... give up. I'm an overall optimistic person so remember that while I answer this. She doesn't want to be with you, and won't in the future. The chemistry isn't there. The good money says she loves you and your friendship. but does not want you romantically. It seriously sucks to hear... but it is true. Friendships can definitely turn into more. In my experience, many have, but there wasn't a question as to whether they would or not. It was always felt by both of us, and you could feel it was just a matter of time. You're describing uncertainty of feelings... and a long term uncertainty at that. I hate the term but it is the friend-zone. You can continue to be friends with her, but you're missing out on moving on with your life and finding someone else. Girls are more intuitive than we men give them credit for... She knows you're into her. The more you're friends with her, the less attraction she feels...

  • All that work and she doesn't even want to date you. Just give up, it's for the best. There are plenty of other girls and you're only 19 so I'm sure you can feel the same about a different girl.