Men at which point do you demand to pay?

I know as a woman I have gone into some dates with a plan to pay that he cannot circumvent. I already have my card locked and loaded and give it to the waiter before the check even hits the table or, for the more stubborn type, I give it to them before we sit down.

But other than first or second dates I actually found most men were more than okay letting me pay most the time when I tested this. They'd act embarrassed but let me pick it up anyway the same way women do. I've dated men that make more, make less, more educated, less educated. The only similarity we all have is age. I'm 31 and I date men within 2 years of my age. If a man is more than 5 years older than me he doesn't give me a chance to pay literally. Even if he is in perfect shape and everything else.

it isn't just that I pick losers or am ugly because I'm not even close to that. These guys aren't great looking they are normal guys. I just figure they aren't interested but don't have other plans. My interest makes them uninterested or whatever. But like guys say it is a free meal and maybe sex so these guys come along for the ride and gladly pay nothing like women do. Have your done this?

For the record I'm a woman and have not.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Actually I almost always pay but wouldn't mind her picking up the tab once in awhile

    • The question is if she paid EVERYTIME whether you invited or picked to place when would you feel bad or obligated to pay?

      That's the problem guys think oh a girl is paying yay okay. Then if you go on ten dates and never pay even a tip. At what point would it be too much?

      Even when I was young, broke and unemployed I insisted on paying for at least some dates.

      But now days when you the bill comes men back down quickly so often. I don't eat a lot so my current boyfriend will pay the bill unless I get two drinks or an appetizer. It isn't a written thing it is just what I noticed. He only pays the bill if I eat only eat little food.

      To me this is odd because even eating with friends if they order everything on the menu and I get a salad we split the check evenly.

    • It's to to much if your doing it everytime , once in awhile is fine, I wouldn't expect it anytime from the woman I'm dating anytime actually since I always paid, but splitting it would have been nice sometimes , I guess I'm old school

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What Guys Said 1

  • For casual dating I don't really care because generally I've just finished a gig and am flush and am happy to share some of my good fortune. But if she wants to split it, I'm totally fine with that.

    Letting the date pay hasn't had any discernable effect on closing, either.

    If I start dating someone regular, then it starts to go into the take turns style.

    Sometimes there might be something I want to do with a particular woman who doesn't have the means, so I'll treat. And occasionally when I'm low I have been treated. But I won't let either scenario become the norm.

    • Oh but to your question of when the decision to pay is made, I don't go out without being prepared to pick up the check in case of whatever.
      If she is an exceptionally bad match, the decision is made long before the check arrives.

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