I am long single and she's 'just' out of a relationship. We've been friends for 15 years. So in your opinion, what's the deal?

We met at an old job long ago, and have been friends ever since. Just after we met and before anything could happen she got a new boyfriend, and was with him for like a million years. In late 2014, they finally split up. As she's a really good woman and we're a really good match, I wanted there to be no confusion about where I wanted the relationship to go. Moreover the relationship seemed to be heading in that direction naturally. Out of the blue she cancels all our plans, stops returning calls and texts, and ignores me completely for about a year. Just after the most recent Thanksgiving she gets back in touch with me and we have coffee. She explains after a couple hours of catching up, that she wants to come back and in a girlfriend capacity. Her words ".. while I was away I tried dating (head down with a shake and sigh), and I really want to come back." "I've decided that I'm ready to take you out of the friendzone, but I was thinking more of a half and half thing" (half friendzone half not)

I asked 'What does half and half actually mean?' and she said she didn't exactly know. Which I said was fine for now, but that we would talk more about it later.

Except that she's gone back to ignoring me!
She knows I'm still crazy about her, I was attentive in asking her out on a romanitc date, with flowers and swooning and everything.

So the question remains, were it you, what would be going on?

I'd ask her myself, but again, ignoring.

Thanks in advance for your time.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Now I don't know you or her at all so take everything I say with a grain of salt. To me it sounds like you're always there for her. Which should be a good thing but in this case is bad. The way it looks to me is that you're literally her last resort. You're someone that she knows in the long run could work out, but at the same time, since you've known her for so long, probably feels like she knows what she'll be getting if she does start dating you. She knows you'll be there if she can't find anybody else so until then, she wants to keep dating other people until she finds someone else or decides that you are her best option. The ignoring part could be for various reasons. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt you because she knows you like her but she doesn't like you quite as much so that's her way of creating distance. Maybe she's having a rough time in her life and wants to be alone. Maybe she did in fact find another guy and doesn't really want to break it to you so she just sort of ignores you. Either way, I don't think you should put all your eggs in one basket. Put yourself out there and start dating other women. Maybe then she'll realize just how special you are to her. Or you'll find an even better woman.

    • Back up guy, thats what I was thinking too. Its a huge bummer but there's not really any other way to see it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You're permanently stuck in the friend zone.

  • nah. i wouldn't do it. you should think more highly of yourself.

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