A pattern I noticed?

I don't know how true this is for everyone or not, but in my experience it's been true. Like all guys, usually I'm the one who has to initiate interest. During the course of me (very) brief experience I've realized that there a lot of girls who I tease/so interest in who also reciprocate the teasing/interest thing to some extent. By some extent, I mean that they are usually are difficult to get out and do something with, but at the same time they'll respond to your calls/texts and respond in the same teasing manner anyway and even ask you when you want to do something with them, even though they always end up flaking anyway. I noticed this pattern in girls who are receptive to your advances but ultimately have low interest anyway. You notice this a few times after meeting them and it usually never changes. They like teasing around with you and bantering, but when it comes to hanging out they're flaky. But then they continue to act like that and even tease you about asking them again.

Since it never usually changes with these types of girls, I can only conclude that after sensing this, I should stop wasting my time on them and only go after girls who are into me to begin with. I'm a rookie, so I may not be correct in my assumptions, but I'm wondering if there are indeed girls like the one I outlined above?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Here;s the deal- if you make the first move and she seems into you, but then later flakes- don't chase her again. If she likes you, she'll make the effort and if she doesn't you won't waste your time. I know it can be frustrating when girls seem responsive and then flake on you, but here's my defense of the few times I've done it: it's hard to flat out reject a guy you think is a good person but just aren't into dating. I've had a nice guy ask me for my number when he met me at work, then call me to set things up and I turned him down, said I was busy. I've had a guy talk to me in class, compliment me, and I talk back to him, but when he asks me out, I say no. Why do I do this? With guy number one, it's because I find it far easier to turn him down outside of work where I wasn't awkwardly required to be polite to him as a customer and I avoid embarassing him in public. With guy number two, it was because while I recongized his potential interest, I hoped it was just a passing thing or my imagination because I enjoyed talking to him and didn't want class to be awkward after.

    Now, I know it's not really very fair, and I do try to subtly clue guys in to my lack of interest in such situations, usually it works. If it doesn't, then I guess I'm one of those girls you guys get so annoyed with. Sorry!

    • Well, the girls I'm talking about...even if they aren't interested, like say class is done and I don't have to see them anymore, they'd call a few days after I ask them and inquire about when I want to take them. They'd already left it for a few days with no answer so there's no danger of them to continue leaving it hanging. Yet they call anyway. I've had a girl invite me to walk with her for three hours after we've gone out and then become flaky, but still teasing.

    • Omg you hit the nail on the head! I have recently done the same thing. A guy asked me for my number while I was at work,so instead of being rude,( he was very nice and nervous when he asked, his hands were shaking) it was easier to give him the number even though I'm not interested in him romantically in anyway, just as a potential friend, but now he is texting my everyday, it's annoying. Men please pay attention to the signs when a women is just not that in to you, and just being nice, not rude

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well the thing with girls is that, we are raised amongst our friends to believe that if we are cute and attractive enough then guys will come flocking to us. This is not necessarily true, but we are raised this way. So girls expect guys to come chasing after them and initiate. If you don't come chasing after us, then we think that you aren't interested. By teasing all of the time, they are showing interest, but they want you to keep chasing them, because it makes us feel special.

    I wouldn't expect girls to act any differently but just realize that this why they are doing it. Not that it is an especially mature way to handle guys, but there it is.

  • Sometimes... we just change our minds and that's all that can really be said about it. Sure, sometimes there's more of a reason, but I've had more than once where maybe I sort of liked a guy (and yes, that is enough for a girl to be slightly flirtatious), and then decided I just didn't like him.

    And of course there have been guys that I'm nice to and I try to be friendly to but really I find them creepy or just get vibes I don't like (if they keep talking to me I'm not going to be mean and say "f--k off", I'll keep being friendly and probably come off as nervous... which you know, they might misread as interest, when really I'm just nervous because they make me super uncomfortable in a bad way).

    And then there are the guys that... there's nothing wrong with at all, I just don't have interest. But I am nice and friendly to them (more so than others, because as a shy girl I don't really talk to guys unless they talk to me first... so they could definitely take it the wrong way) and since guys tend to misread things more frequently than girls...well...

    The last guy and the first are definitely guys I would give my phone number to... I'd consider them friends or acquaintances... and also its kind of awkward to say "no" to someone when they ask you for your phone number... who knows, maybe they really wanted it to ask you about the homework...

    Its confusing, but I guess that's how relationships between guys and girls just are.

  • 44 year old guy here.

    Girls dig attention and affection, but just because they like it doesn't mean that they actually like the guy. The attention makes them feel good about their power over guys. Which, after all, since they don't usually take the initiative, is all they have to work with.

    You know those guys that whistle at girls on the street? They like it, but would never sleep with that guy. Know why? They need to be attracted to the guy first, and they aren't.

    For the same reason, never buy a girl a drink. It's a waste of money. If she is attractive, she is seeking quality men that she is attracted to, not some doofus that will buy her something and tell her she is pretty, since thousands of guys have already done this for her.

    See if you can't make her buy you a drink instead, since at that point, you are on to something.

    So, what you want is to be as attractive as possible, and then make girls chase you. At that point, you can choose.

    Remember, girls respond using emotion, not logic. If you are attractive, they will be attracted to you., since they can't help it. So, the answer is - get attractive!

    Get buff, get funny, get some damn dress sense already, learn how to talk all the time, be exciting, challenging, smart, and cheerful to be around. Do this, and you got it made. And then, for pete's sake, just kiss her already, what is the worst that can happen, she will become offended and you will have to find another girl?


What Guys Said 4

  • It's not something that's exclusive to just girls.

    It's a people thing.

    When I was in junior high, I was growing up and discovering myself sexually. I have no history or experience with girls. Which meant, other than my mirror (self) and my family and friends, I had no real external source to validate myself on how I looked, how attractive I was, how sexually desirable (how much sexual power I had) was, etc.

    So what did I do? I went out looking for experience and validation.

    And where did I start? With girls I really wasn't that interested in.

    I would "tease" them, both sexually and emotionally, to see how they would react. When they wanted me, it felt good.

    Here is the thing though. It's NOT because they showed me they wanted me, that I didn't want them. It had nothing to do with being "easy" or "difficult" or "hard-to-get". I was not interested in them from the beginning. And nothing they did from there on could change the way I felt about them.

    So why would I continue to "lead them on", and give them signs of interest, and hope of more, or just not be honest with them and tell them I'm just not interested in them? Because I was insecure, and looking for validation to comfort my insecurities. So I liked the way they made me feel. But I didn't like these girls enough to care about THEM. All I cared about was myself.

    I was emotionally immature & selfish. I was making myself feel good, without a care in the world of how I was making the girl feel, or hurting her.

    These girls are on the same boat; emotionally.

    Not all girls are like this. Definitely not. It would be a tragic mistake for you to convince yourself of that.

    There are girls who are perfectly content, comfortable and secure with themselves both physically & emotionally. They know they look great, and they know they're amazing people. These girls aren't looking for guys to validate their sense of self-esteem or comfort their insecurities.

    That means that if a girl is secure, she's either into you or not. If she's not, she doesn't want to waste her time. So she'll be honest with you and let you know. But if she IS into you, she'll be honest with you too, and let you know.

    People (girls are people) who are insecure, are also either into you or not. But even if they're not into you, they'll still USE you emotionally to feel better about themselves. If they ARE into you, they'll WAIT for you to take charge & make them feel better about themselves; rather than risk you not feeling the same way and feeling worse about themselves.

    Think of it this way. Would you bother wasting your time with a girl who you were not into? Would you date her? Would you even be talking to her? No. You're emotionally secure and respectful of other people's feelings. But just because you are doesn't mean EVERYONE else is too.

    Don't try and CHANGE or "HELP" those who are insecure. Just accept it & "AVOID" them.

    • Wow, thanks for the great response. Yes, there are girls who'd be wishy-washy but eventually go on a date with me and then sometimes when I ask them they won't give an answer right away, but then they'd call a few days later and ask when I want to take her and then never truly "have time" even though they continue they're teasing stuff as though it didn't matter they continually leave me hanging.

      I think these are the insecure girls you're talking about and that I need to avoid.

    • Thanks jdpca for an awesome and personally honest answer.

  • There are girls like this, and there's guys like this. They need that confirmation that someone finds them attractive and interesting, even if they have no interest in these guys. It's more common in girls because girls can be insecure in more outwardly social ways than guys. ("Am I fat?" 'I'm not very attractive" We both think it, but girls will try to go out and find the answers)

    These flaky girls might have boyfriends who don't make them feel attractive enough, or they may just be insecure enough to be fishing for compliments and ego boosters. Either way, they either don't know what they want, are in a relationship, or are using you. In any of the cases, these aren't the girls you want to date. Find a girl that likes you AND wants to spend time with you without flaking out.

    • Yeah, it's funny, because one time I was getting fed up with a girl doing these things, so I did an experiment to find out if she REALLY wanted to do anything and told her "if you want to hang out when you're free, let me know." Needless to say I never heard from her again.

    • Show All
    • In Greece we say, a woman is the opposite of a politician.

      When a politician says Yes, he means Maybe. When he says Maybe, he means No. If he has to say "No", then he feels like a bad politician.

      When a woman says No, she means Maybe. When she says Maybe, she means Yes. If she has to say "Yes", then she feels like a bad woman.

      Never tell a girl "If you wanna hang, let me know". She doesn't want to feel like she's the pursuer; she wants to feel chased; even if she likes you more!

    • Yeah but when you're efforts of chasing her results in flaky behavior then you get to the point where you realize it's not working. The girl I said this to flaked on me on the day before the scheduled date, then toyed around when I called for another one, not giving a straight answer then bringing it up again a few days later then being "unavailable".

  • Girls that have insecurity issues should be avoided like the Black Plague...They are headcases and should be considered unstable, along with being emotionally dangerous. Please Contact Your Local Psych Ward if you feel it's an Emergency. This has been a local test of the Emergency Broadcast System...we now return to the program already in progress. Thank you.

    • What's strange is that a lot of these "unstable" women seem normal when you talk to them. It just goes to show you that you don't really know someone until you REALLY know them.

  • Somehow, I thought about it too... maybe it's me...? or maybe it's them... I can't tell, and I don't know.. can't blame 'em. It was rough during in High School of the 21st century...