Do I tell him how I feel?

Question

I’m scared to tell him how I feel because I’m scared he doesn’t like me. I don’t know if he does. Weve been hooking up for a year, and I haven't really said how I felt about him unless I was drunk. We went on a few dates in the beginning, but now we’ve just been sleeping together for the last year. The reason we only went on a few dates was because we went on dates when I was home over the holidays. I was still at school then so I went back to school, 3 hours away. We never talked about our feelings for one another and things got pretty messed up. A lot of mixed signals, confusion and miscommunication between us. So we would just hook up when we saw eachother. He also thought I rejected him at a point, I said things I didn't mean (I said we should just be friends when I was upset with him because I didn't know if he liked me) and he ignored and avoided me for like a month. . I’ve liked him all along but I just never knew what I wanted or how he felt or where we stood. I assumed he didn't like me and it was just casual. Now I’m moving away. I don't know how to tell him this all.. We kind of told eachother we like eachother when we were drunk, but I dont know if he meant it. So now I dont know if he’d care. I saw him two nights ago and he fully ignored me and avoided me.. does he still have feelings for me?

Answer 1

ak666

Guru

I have no idea. But using the friend-zone thing before, albeit in haste and without really meaning it, might have sent a warning sign to him to withdraw any feelings he did have and just have fun together, casting aside any hope of something more.

You probably have to start sending a clear message, not jumbled up in a mess of emotions, if you want to undo those effects.

Isn't it easier to kind of speak with as open of a mind as you did hear to him? You guys are sleeping together, right? Isn't there a moment of intimacy where you can cuddle up and whisper to each other about these things?

It's probably best if you keep it light. Most guys don't seem to like going all deep and heavy really fast, or that kind of "we need to talk" approach. Just snuggle up and explore your feelings about each other. Find a moment, an opportunity, instead of trying to profess your love all at once (that never seems to go well as it does in the movies).

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ak666

+1 y
s/hear/here/
Asker

+1 y
So what do I say to him? Do i ask him why he's been ignoring me also?
ak666

+1 y
That should come naturally from you, unscripted. It should flow naturally, you shouldn't feel the need for a script. I must admit I don't understand this kind of sexual relationship where feelings cannot be expressed, so I'm not exactly the most experienced advisor here on this kind of dynamic. But the way I see it is that sex is the most intimate act possible between two human beings. To be able to comfortably reach that point and yet, feel the need to ask internet strangers for advice on how to talk about how you feel seems totally backwards. It seems far easier to express how you feel than end up getting someone in your bed. Opportunities are abound with a sexual partner, just find a nice, cozy moment and slowly reveal your thoughts.
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ak666

+1 y
About asking why he's been ignoring you, maybe not. That's somewhat confrontational. I can't give you a script but keep it light, easy -- go into the deeper stuff gently. Steer the conversation gently. That's about all I can recommend.

Answer 2

ak666

s/hear/here/

Answer 3

Asker

So what do I say to him? Do i ask him why he's been ignoring me also?

Answer 4

ak666

That should come naturally from you, unscripted. It should flow naturally, you shouldn't feel the need for a script. I must admit I don't understand this kind of sexual relationship where feelings cannot be expressed, so I'm not exactly the most experienced advisor here on this kind of dynamic. But the way I see it is that sex is the most intimate act possible between two human beings. To be able to comfortably reach that point and yet, feel the need to ask internet strangers for advice on how to talk about how you feel seems totally backwards. It seems far easier to express how you feel than end up getting someone in your bed. Opportunities are abound with a sexual partner, just find a nice, cozy moment and slowly reveal your thoughts.

Answer 5

ak666

About asking why he's been ignoring you, maybe not. That's somewhat confrontational. I can't give you a script but keep it light, easy -- go into the deeper stuff gently. Steer the conversation gently. That's about all I can recommend.

Answer 6

Lovelinefan | 247 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Influencer

Ah, sex without feelings or emotion... What a wonderful thing, huh? (end the sarcasm)

If you're willing to have sex with him, don't you think you should be able to talk about feelings?
This is one of the risks of casual sex-based relationships... Females TEND to get more emotionally attached to guys when sex is involved, where as the male brain is wired in such a way that sex without an emotional connection (Sex for sex sake) is much easier.

Don't let yourself get hurt by this... If you want more from the relationship and he's just using you for sex, YOU're the one who's going to wind up hurt. He'll be able to move on to the next girl, while you'll be heartbroken.

I'd suggest having a conversation with him and find out if he has any interest in a real relationship. If not, end it. You're only digging yourself deeper.

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
what do I say to him then?
Lovelinefan

+1 y
Well, you have to start a conversation, to find out what he wants out of the relationship. "Hey, we've been seeing each other casually for a while now. Do you want it to just be casual, or do you see any sort of future for us together? Do you want a real relationship, or just sex?"
If he says just sex, then you know it's time to move on. If he expresses interest in making the relationship more serious/substantial, then it's probably a good idea to find out what he wants from the relationship and where he sees it going, and for you to let him know what YOU need from the relationship if it is to continue. If you both agree and want the same thing, great. If not, then at least you know for sure, and you can let him know that it's not the right relationship for you and it would be best if you both move on so you can each get what you want from another relationship. It can't be lopsided.

Answer 7

Asker

what do I say to him then?

Answer 8

Lovelinefan

Well, you have to start a conversation, to find out what he wants out of the relationship. "Hey, we've been seeing each other casually for a while now. Do you want it to just be casual, or do you see any sort of future for us together? Do you want a real relationship, or just sex?"
If he says just sex, then you know it's time to move on. If he expresses interest in making the relationship more serious/substantial, then it's probably a good idea to find out what he wants from the relationship and where he sees it going, and for you to let him know what YOU need from the relationship if it is to continue. If you both agree and want the same thing, great. If not, then at least you know for sure, and you can let him know that it's not the right relationship for you and it would be best if you both move on so you can each get what you want from another relationship. It can't be lopsided.

Answer 9

Miyonis

Xper 5

Um.

I cannot think of a single instance in which a guy has responded negatively to a girls interest in him. Let’s face it, they are all about themselves. They think that they are the center of the universe (and who knows, maybe you think he is the center of the universe, too.) The respect comes from a deeper level though.

They know how hard it is to ''man-up'' and tell someone how you feel. So they will understand that what you just went through was not easy by any standards. And even if your feelings aren’t matched, they know you meant them.

:\

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Asker

+1 y
yes but I also don't want to scare him and lay it all on him

Answer 10

Asker

yes but I also don't want to scare him and lay it all on him

Answer 11

Honeyyy | 67 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

Probably not, I've learned that we as females confuss ourselves by looking over things as they really are. You said you two have been hooking up for a year. I think if he really wanted more you'd know by now. You should just step and really visualize things as they are.

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