She wants him alone?

My boyfriend and i are both 23 and have been together almost a year now. He has this female friend of 8 years and every year they have this tradition of going to a basketball game for her birthday. Since im his girlfriend i wanted to go this year and since they are platonic friends why should be coming be a problem right? Well apparently my boyfriend told me that she is upset saying i just wanted it to be us two. Like she is still going to be with him what difference does it make that i will be there? Like you don't own him. I could understand if she was his girlfriend but she is not she is just a friend. I find it a little sketchy that she is so insistant on me his girlfriend not going and beinf alone with him. Surely if she saw it as platonic she wouldn't have a problem with getting to know me and besides she has the opportunity to make another friend. It doesn't sit right with me that she only invited him insteas of being like hey would u and ur girl like to go to a basketball game to celebrate my bday? I told my boyfriend that i would hope he sees wheee im coming from and he does but i find It odd.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Weeell... traditions can be pretty deeply rooted, especially if they go in place during tough times in life. Maybe going to that game with her friend means something special to her (not romantic) and she thinks it won't be as special if someone else comes along. She probably wouldn't invite one of her friends to go, either.

    Maybe try and be friends with her outside of that game. If she still doesn't want anything to do with you, I'd say that's a little suspicious.

    • Yes i get that. But it isn't like its a guys only night im coming to this is another women who is asking to be alone with my man and like the other poster said the female friend has to understand that once her guy friend gets into a relationship that there are naturally going to be different boundaries. And that certain aspects may have to change. I think if she really wanted to respect the relationship she would make more of an effort to include me. I just think a relationship should come before a female friendship and that the boyfriend should be focusing more on the comfort of his girlfriend. Because he can have many female friends but hopefully only one girlfriend that you are looking to settle down with. Traditions dont always stay the same. I literally dont understand what me being there has any effect. Like no you don't get to request solo dates with another girls boyfriend.

    • An easy way to determine whether or not he's in the wrong is to flip the situation:

      Let's say you had a male friend who meant a lot to you, and you two had an 8-year tradition where you did something on your birthday every year. Would you honestly have zero trouble introducing your boyfriend into that day, or would you feel like you wanted to keep that one thing special?

      That being said, this girl, if she really is only a friend of his, should want to get to know you. If she doesn't, that's a red flag to me.

    • No not at all because my boyfriend being that he is my boyfriend would come before a guy that is just a friend and if it was truly platonic then i would include him in the friendship not making my girlfriend or boyfriend feel like an outsider. I think part of being in a relationship is including your so in your opposite sex friendships. If my boyfriend told me hey this other girl is special to me sorry i just have to go alone with her i would question why my being there would cramp their style.

What Girls Said 1

  • What does your boyfriend think about it?

    At first I was going to say I can see her point but I don't feel like I'd be the same. My absolute best friend is a guy and he's got a girlfriend now and I don't expect things to be the same as before... we used to always go for dinner, drives, nights out just us but even though I've not met his new girlfriend I know she'd not be okay with that and I'll respect that.

    • I appreciate that you acknowledge that things and boundaries have to change once one gets into a relationship. in my opinion the gfs feelings and their relationship should come first

    • Yeah, exactly!

      It's totally fine to stay friends but things do change and if you're in a relationship that should come first.

    • Exactly! I never asked for them to stop being friends. I would never expect them too. I just expect for our relationship to come first and to stop doing date like things. Meeting dor lunch alone and stuff if fine but certain behaviors out of respect for the relationship need to be lessened. Trust me i have a close guy friend and we used to go to dinners alone and stop but once he got in a committed relationship i stopped that shit out od respect for his relationship

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