I dug myself into a huge hole... Please help me?

I had sex with one of my long time friends who I've always had a crush on. We were "talking" for a couple of months after it happened, & hooking up when he would come from school. I found out that a few weeks after the last time we had hooked up he got a girlfriend. (Disclaimer: I do NOT know if he cheated on her with me, but I saw him texting her the last time we were together, & she met his family a few weeks after, so it seems pretty serious now) I probably did not have a right to say anything but I felt disrespected. At that point, I told him I would have appreciated if he was honest with me & I later apologized for making it my business.

All was good until last week when I went psycho since I was still hurt & made a fake Instagram and commented some very mean things on his new girlfriends pictures. I thought enough time had passed that he would not have known it was me but he and his girlfriend blocked me on everything a few days later. I feel SO awful. This was a whole other level of crazy, and I don't know why I was so angry over such a short lived fling. I can't sleep at night, my heart feels so heavy that I did this to him and lost a good friend. I am dreading seeing him or his family ever again and am humiliated by what I did. I definitely crossed the line, & I feel there's no redeeming myself.

I opened up to my mom, who asked me to not fess up and apologize (which I would have liked to done if I could eventually gather up the courage to do so) since she is close with his mom. So, I made a snapchat under his ex girlfriends name and added his new girlfriend who snapchatted me saying "Heres my number if you have something to say." I said "I think I've said all I needed to, thanks."

Do you think this maybe worked in redirecting the suspicions away from me as the main suspect? I know I digged myself into a deeper hole, but wanted to respect my moms wishes and I'm so embarrassed & ashamed of my actions, this is something I never want to admit to. please help?

Please do not respond with rude comments. I know what I did was very wrong, hence why I cannot sleep and have been struggling with this on my conscious for so long. Our families are good friends, so I feel guilty on all accounts. Just not sure how I should deal with this at this point. Hence why I am on this site.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Your shovel must be filthy

    • What does that mean..

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