Is dating more exhausting for men than it is for women espacially online dating?

** By the way people i am talking about men and women who date that are over 25**


1. Have to to actively pursue and create well crafted messages on online dating sites.

2. Have to keep the lady interested by messaging her often and trying to impress her.

3. Go through all the touble to ensure he manages to get a date and doesn't make a mistake of putting
her off.

4. Go through countless rejections.

5. Put into the friendzone after going through all the trouble of impressing her and getting her on dates.


1. Just have to filter messages than come to her on online dating sites.

2. Have many options becasue they will always have so many men chasing her that she can take her time to decide which one she wants.

3. Does not need to put much effort in trying to keep the man interested or impress him untill she meets him in person.

4. Has full control on when sex happens.

**I can see why some men would want to take a break from dating because i am exhausted from the dates i have been on (from trying to get to know them to meeting them) and i feel like i need a break myself**


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Women must respond to messages from numerous guys who are jerks.
    2. If a man isn't interested in a woman, he simply doesn't message her. Simple. If a woman is not interested in a guy, she must send him a "no thanks" message and then deal with his hostility.
    3. Women must immediately start trying to decode a guy's profile and messages to determine whether he is just interested in getting laid.
    4. You don't exert any control over when you have sex?
    5. A woman must patiently sit and wait to be contacted. If she contacts guys, they may think she is being very forward and that means she is "easy."

    It is not easy for anyone.

    • I think your online name is really quite perfect. I wanted to provide a similar answer, having seen what an exhaustive process it can be from a woman's point of view, but this answer beautifully sums it up.

    • I too was gonna craft a similar reply. Thanks for understanding how difficult it is for us women...

    • @Caramel_creme I find that I have better relationships with women by trying to understand their perspective.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like you're overthinking and trying too hard. Let's go through the points.

    1. You don't have to craft a clever, charming piece of literature for a first message. Just give any indication that you read her profile and like her for her. Too many guys treat it like a numbers game, sending the exact same message to 100 women and it's so obvious to us.

    2. Again, sounds like you're thinking too hard. She only wants to get to know you.

    3. Again! It doesn't have to be so hard. If you two are getting along, then suggest meeting up for a date. If you happen to put her off in any way, then it's just a sign you're not a good match and you're better off finding someone else.

    4. Well yeah, rejection is a part of life. Granted, men do approach more then women do, but I promise rejection is not foreign to us. It happens.

    5. Feelings not being there is always possible. Nobody can help it. You can't change yourself, and she can't change her feelings. You just move on and find a girl better suited to you. Or, if you have a major character flaw that causes repeated "friend zoning," then you can pinpoint it and work on it.

    Anyway, as for your original question, both men and women have their difficulties in the dating world. I get that doing the approaching and risking rejection is tough. All I'm saying is most of the things you're complaining about are likely a result of overthinking.

  • It hard for everyone!

  • I think both have their own set of struggles.

    When I used online dating sites, I was always overwhelmed by the messages I received. Having to read each one every time I logged in was super time consuming. I didn't feel like I was able to really connect with any one. I tried messaging guys that had a high % with me, and got either the "Let's have sex" message or no response.

    I wanted to get to know someone, communicate for a brief time to get to know him then meet somewhere public for a date. I know I specifically stated what I wanted and was looking for, but all they wanted was sex. I am taking a break from online dating, it's too much stress and a hassle with little to no returns.

    • You have to recognize however that it's much better to have a ton of messages than none which staristically 80 percent of men don't really get messages back, there was a study done basically saying men attract way better looking women in person than online as the goods are right there for them to show rather than face against a hundred other anonymous guys.

      The natural human mating ritual was not designed for the web

What Guys Said 11

  • Yes, I too find it really draining and exhausting to date. that's why, I don't date at all! :P

    Maximum efforts, minimum returns - that's how I view dating, especially from a man's point of view.

  • Whats up with this I need to prove myself mindset.
    "2. Have to keep the lady interested by messaging her often and trying to impress her."
    What about her impressing you? Don't automatically assume she is like this Goddess.
    What if she is passive aggressive? That statement at number 2 is like putting the girl on a pedestal. You should be confident in yourself eg" I am a catch.. I am awesome any girl would be lucky to have me with all this work i do on myself." <Think like this at all times
    And if your thinking about when is sex going to happen when you take a girl out.. you are doing it wrong. Its not a planned event.. its an escalation.. a girl wants to just lose herself into the night. And most men go about online dating wrong. Create a profile that will make any girl intrigued and then have 6 to 7 photos of yourself. Then you leave it! If any girls on there are interested they will message you. You then arrange a phone call with her. Don't spend all your time with msgs. You can't get to know someone with text chat. And when you do meet make it a quick meetup. Like coffee date 15 mins long. Often time the photos are old.. So with coffee date you are saving money, can end it quickly and enough time too look for a connection. And again if you take a girl out thinking about sex ( When is it going to happen blah blah ) You are doing it wrong. That should not even be on your mind.. Its suppose to just happen.. All you have to worry about is making her laugh and learning things about her. And remember never ever put her on a pedestal that will get you friend zoned

    • Agree with everything, except the no contacting part. Personally as a woman, I am so overwhelmed by messages, I don't even get the chance to search and message someone.

    • @Caramel_creme Maybe try searching for guys you like near you? I mean if you have not had any success doing what your doing then change your approach?

  • Both have their struggles.

    Women get a ton of attention - but with more options comes more garbage. I'd personally hate having 20+ women emailing every day, so I understand their frustration.

    Men have to pretty much initiate everything and I've felt like I almost have to go above and beyond every time while they just sit back and enjoy the dating game

  • It's harder offline. You actually have to go out. I did this for two months and every single thing in my life dropped: my work, my music writing, my friends (who are all married) and I was successful. Both offline and online I managed to hook a few but offline was harder in terms of work. Women have it much easier.

  • its fact.

    women get 300 msges per day. you're number 264.

    men get 1 msges per month and are constantly msging and pursuing the woman

    men are treated as disposables while the system/culture makes a woman feel better than she is actually worth.

    meet them in real life, its better for your self esteem

  • Well, this is true if you let it be true. In this scenario, you are letting the women take the lead. If you take the lead, then these things won't happen.

    In general though, yeah the woman seems to have the entitlement to not need to have to put forth as much effort as the guy. But like I said, it's mainly the guys fault for not wanting/knowing how to lead a woman.

    And I think every guy is guilty of it to some extent. Some way more than others.




  • I don't bother with online dating sites Whatsoever. Too much unnecessary work.

  • Yes, chicks really have the advantage.

  • Oh yes!!! We have to send hundreds of messages a day to better our chances of getting a response.

  • Yeah probably. I've just never bothered with dating since so many people don't seem worth it.

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