I think I have accidentally been a "nice guy". For the love of god help me before I castrate myself?

I can't believe I have got into such a situation. I am 28, she is 21. I have a history of healthy relationships and I am very sociable - I have a good mix of male and female friends. I just qualified as a doctor, so [potentially arrogantly] I like to think I have a pretty good grasp of how things work, but check this out... So I matched with a girl on Tinder about a year ago. We hit it off immediately and wound up texting a lot. We met up, and it went as good as anyone could ever wish for a date to go - until the end when I sensed something was up. I felt uncomfortable about making a move on her even though the date had gone so well so I asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said she had to be honest and she was in a relationship but it was complicated. I didn't want to press her about it, it wasn't my business and you shouldn't really judge other people's situations unless you know all the details, so I politely left it, told her not to worry about it, and told her to keep in touch if she wanted. I think my intentions at this point were pretty straight up. Anyway, I sent her a text a week later, it was bitter-sweet because I had met someone that was clearly a good match for me and I put "the boyfriend thing" at the back of my mind. Clearly if a girl is on tinder and with Someone there is something wrong there. We continued to text consistently over months, most days and sometimes a few hundred a day (I took a break before going head on into working, so nobody died due to me being distracted, I promise). I was pretty wary, but let her lead it and backed off when I thought it was too much but we genuinely made each other laugh, a lot. There was a real good connection there, like I've experienced when I've been in great relationships. A bit sad really but hard to walk away from that. We met up a few more times and I found myself caught in this "this is fun but what am I doing here" mindset, I am certain she was the same. I don't subscribe to the friendZone...

friendZone idea, but I do get it. I'd like to think I am mature enough to retain a friendly connection with a girl without getting pissed because she doesn't want to date me. She would never mention her boyfriend, but in the same sense she didn't want me to be FB or IG friends and stuff like that, and it felt like she wanted to keep me very separate from her life. I dated other girls, but we kept in touch ALL the time, but the same thing -
thing - I suspected because she didn't want me to know more about her relationship because she liked me, but it increasingly felt like she might be ashamed she liked me. She said she wanted to be friends, but didn't want to engage in actually being friends, just texting all the time. I wanted to know what the story was, so I did some googling and found out she is going out with a pretty rich sports guy [not massively famous but enough to raise an eyebrow] and lives a very comfortable life


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  • I never ask girls if they have a boyfriend, I rather play it normally and even if I suspect it let her have the initiative to tell me. I think it's better if you carry on with the date or whatever you have normally, and as soon as she mentions a boyfriend act indifferent, and then be cold or just back off altogether for future hangouts.

    Is up to you to play the game from there or not (I wouldn't recommend it though). Now you asked, she said yes and now she has you all full of illusion. I'd say she's getting a kick out of it (generally it is like that), so don't let yourself be lead on if you know nothing physical is going to happen (assuming you're going to play this), otherwise you are going to give her attention, laughs and fun times while she gets home to fuck her commodity boyfriend. Good luck

  • First, make sure you are keeping in a proper mind set. Go watch Casino Royale with Daniel Craig.

    Second, remember--always be escalating.

  • I've been in similar situations. The only thing I can thing of is that the dynamic and chemistry for you may have changed. It happens.