Is my boyfriend rude or just blunt?

Question

My boyfriend is a brutallly honest person. Last week he met my family for the first time, told my mom that her cooking wasn't good, told my sister that her degree in women and gender studies is worthless and my brother to shave his bread beacause it looks aweful. My grandpa is a very religious person and he started having a huge debate. How can I ask him to tone it down few notches?

Answer 1

meowcow

Yoda

Why would you even date such a person? There is a difference between being truthful when it MATTERS, and being courteous when it MATTERS EVEN MORE.

That is to say, your boyfriend is an idiot. By being discourteous and rude to those who matter in his life (including you, your family, his friends and coworkers), he will quickly lose their respect. Few people succeed in life solely through their own merit, and it is their connections with other people of influence that make a person successful in life.

For example, given the scenario that you painted of him interacting with your family, I doubt any of them would refer your boyfriend to a future job opening or other opportunities. Since they are aware of how rude he can be, referring your boyfriend to someone else would be bad. This trickles down into many aspects of one's life.

I wonder how brutally honest he would be regarding how you look if you got pregnant one day. Women will be more self conscious about their appearance during a pregnancy. The last thing you need is your man to say, "oh my god, you look like a fat pus-filled boil about to explode. You're going to make me puke"

Answer 2

DodgersGM

Master

Oh man, if he behaves like that upon first meeting them, just imagine how he'll behave going forward.

Anyway, your boyfriend is a jerk. I'm not sure that such a thing can be solved simply by asking him to "tone it down." He needs to apologize and be respectful going forward, orangecounty. craigslist. org you lose him.

Answer 3

MaskedSanity

Yoda

Your boyfriend is an asshole.

You tell him exactly that, since he seems to enjoy "brutal honesty".

Truth be told, he's not giving anyone tough love, he's just being a judgmental asshat. What exactly do you see in him, again? You do realise he's not gonna get any better? He has zero respect for your entire family, so I'm seriously questioning whether he actually gives a shit about you.

I think a degree in gender/women's studies is worthless too and oppose religiosity, but I'm not about to come into a home and shit on everyone like a classless prick. Your mom's cooking and how your brother looks is none of his bloody business. If he doesn't like your mom's cooking, he can just sit there and starve. And your brother's beard shouldn't even matter to him. It's not like he's dating him or anything.

He didn't express his opinion because he cared for any of your family members. He was looking down on every single one of them and just being extremely rude.

So tell us, what redeeming qualities does this fuckwad of a boyfriend possess? Are there any at all?

classy-girl

+1 y
He didn't say those things with the ill- intent of hurting my familys feelings. We both think my sister is a feminazi, my brother's beard looks ridiculous and my grandpa is an illiogical person. He just likes to speak his mind and hates being politically correct all the time.
MaskedSanity

+1 y
"I didn't intend to hurt that person, I just wanted to punch them."

This is not about being PC. Your boyfriend is just crass and tactless, but if you wanna defend his rude ass, go right ahead.

Enjoy being told how ugly you've gotten and how saggy your tits look as you age, if you decide to stay with this guy.😂

Answer 4

classy-girl

He didn't say those things with the ill- intent of hurting my familys feelings. We both think my sister is a feminazi, my brother's beard looks ridiculous and my grandpa is an illiogical person. He just likes to speak his mind and hates being politically correct all the time.

Answer 5

MaskedSanity

"I didn't intend to hurt that person, I just wanted to punch them."

This is not about being PC. Your boyfriend is just crass and tactless, but if you wanna defend his rude ass, go right ahead.

Enjoy being told how ugly you've gotten and how saggy your tits look as you age, if you decide to stay with this guy.😂

Answer 6

Afro-dite9

Yoda

Lmao 😂Nahhh he isn't rude... just honest and well some people can't swallow that so easily (no pun intended ) At the same time it's not what you say, but how you say it. I'd ask him to bite his tongue a bit or at least say it in a more polite way. Imagine you being married to this guy and they all hated him. But they can't get that upset with him maybe that's how he was raised to always speak his mind. I'd also tell my fam not to be so butthurt he doesn't mean any harm. Honestly I wouldn't care if he told my sis or bro that and grandpa has to understand he is an opinionated individual from a different generation. Butttt nowww mom's cooking.. YIKES😯That was a bit harsh. Just do what I do fold the plate up and toss it or put it on somebody else's plate when they are not looking (desperate times) say you already ate or ur picky with ur food.

classy-girl

+1 y
That's exactly what I told my family after he left. My mom didn't mind but my sister compared him to Hitler lol
Afro-dite9

+1 y
@classy-girl Hitler?😅whoa. She prob just wants him to kiss her ass and be all amazed she got that degree. I guarantee he isn't the only one who thinks that about her choice of education. He just has the ball's to say it. You're sister is prob a crazy (in a good way) modern day feminist in the first place 😅sorry to say. But not everyone can take criticism. For example just the other day someone told me I was extremely pretty, but I'd be hotter if I lost some lbs. Was I angry no, because I actually agree with that person. Now years ago I'd always get mad af, but you see as you get older you'd rather hear the truth. Basically they'll warm up to him. Just tell your sister it was a joke, NOT a d*ck don't take it so hard. You're mom sounds cool though, at least she isn't tripping lol... outloud that is.
Afro-dite9

+1 y
If you really like him and he isn't doing you any wrong and they love you... they'll get over it eventually.
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classy-girl

+1 y
He didn't say those things with the ill- intent of hurting my family's feelings. We both think my sister is a feminazi, my brother's beard looks ridiculous and my grandpa is an illiogical person. He just likes to speak his mind and hates being politically correct all the time.
Afro-dite9

+1 y
Most fem's today don't even know the meaning of what a true feminist mean's and her going nut's over an opinion is ridiculous. In all I'd ignore her anyway she prob never liked him and uses that one thing as an excuse to. Beard's make most... not all, but most men look more masculine and that's a good look... if it's a beard that matches their face so ur bro should have just took that with a grain of salt and reshaped his beard. He was just saying that beard in particular wasn't right for him and maybe someone else told him this as well because honestly multiple people have to state something out in order for someone to feel like crap about something like that. I see that as him helping ur bro out, but ur bro prob just need's someone to take his frustration out on. As far as ur grandpa come on lol they never see eye to eye with the majority of anyone born after the 70's. Just put ur foot down& tell him&them to just chill u all have diff opinions there is no need for childish behavior.
Afro-dite9

+1 y
People always want the truth, but when it presents itself everyone feel's some type of way. Know one can ever handle it. You can't please everyone that's life so tell them to make the best of it. Tell them he isn't a bad guy and he is just always honest. Tell them how much u care about him and how he is with you and ur not dumping him over that. And tell them you've spoke to him to try to be less critical on them. And then just talk to him and ask him to turn it down a notch because you're fam is very sensitive and can't take criticism well. That's it that's all lol. Now if he doesn't want to do that... than yeahhhhh maybe he is a rude ass lol and u should move on. Because if he really liked u he would do that for u.

Answer 7

classy-girl

That's exactly what I told my family after he left. My mom didn't mind but my sister compared him to Hitler lol

Answer 8

Afro-dite9

@classy-girl Hitler?😅whoa. She prob just wants him to kiss her ass and be all amazed she got that degree. I guarantee he isn't the only one who thinks that about her choice of education. He just has the ball's to say it. You're sister is prob a crazy (in a good way) modern day feminist in the first place 😅sorry to say. But not everyone can take criticism. For example just the other day someone told me I was extremely pretty, but I'd be hotter if I lost some lbs. Was I angry no, because I actually agree with that person. Now years ago I'd always get mad af, but you see as you get older you'd rather hear the truth. Basically they'll warm up to him. Just tell your sister it was a joke, NOT a d*ck don't take it so hard. You're mom sounds cool though, at least she isn't tripping lol... outloud that is.

Answer 9

Afro-dite9

If you really like him and he isn't doing you any wrong and they love you... they'll get over it eventually.

Answer 10

classy-girl

He didn't say those things with the ill- intent of hurting my family's feelings. We both think my sister is a feminazi, my brother's beard looks ridiculous and my grandpa is an illiogical person. He just likes to speak his mind and hates being politically correct all the time.

Answer 11

Afro-dite9

Most fem's today don't even know the meaning of what a true feminist mean's and her going nut's over an opinion is ridiculous. In all I'd ignore her anyway she prob never liked him and uses that one thing as an excuse to. Beard's make most... not all, but most men look more masculine and that's a good look... if it's a beard that matches their face so ur bro should have just took that with a grain of salt and reshaped his beard. He was just saying that beard in particular wasn't right for him and maybe someone else told him this as well because honestly multiple people have to state something out in order for someone to feel like crap about something like that. I see that as him helping ur bro out, but ur bro prob just need's someone to take his frustration out on. As far as ur grandpa come on lol they never see eye to eye with the majority of anyone born after the 70's. Just put ur foot down& tell him&them to just chill u all have diff opinions there is no need for childish behavior.

Answer 12

Afro-dite9

People always want the truth, but when it presents itself everyone feel's some type of way. Know one can ever handle it. You can't please everyone that's life so tell them to make the best of it. Tell them he isn't a bad guy and he is just always honest. Tell them how much u care about him and how he is with you and ur not dumping him over that. And tell them you've spoke to him to try to be less critical on them. And then just talk to him and ask him to turn it down a notch because you're fam is very sensitive and can't take criticism well. That's it that's all lol. Now if he doesn't want to do that... than yeahhhhh maybe he is a rude ass lol and u should move on. Because if he really liked u he would do that for u.

Answer 13

Wanderingheartbeat

Xper 6

Damn your boyfriend is super pessimistic.
Like sheesh imagine if he speaks the same way to your kids.
Ruin all their dreams.
I mean; honesty is important but there's got to be a nicer way to put it or look for the positivity in it.

Answer 14

Anonymous

damn dude, that's not brutally honest, that's called being an asshole. brutally honest is based on facts. your boyfriend is insulting. you need to tell him to get off his high horse and come down.

Answer 15

ShocknAwem | 114 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

Yeah your boyfriend is more rude than a Army drill sergeant seeing a new future soldier come off the bus. Brutally honest, come on now, was he not raised right?

Answer 16

whitegato777 | 56 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 4

Just talked to him about it if he makes a big deal about it. I think you need to get another one cuz he is a dick. Just being honest

Answer 17

RomansToPhilemon | 128 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

Haha, I bet you found this attractive too. Were you getting turned on lol?

Answer 18

Helpmeplease44

Xper 5

you're still dating this guy after he was a complete ass to your family and insulted every single one of them?

shame on you.

Answer 19

Jayded1

Explorer

Dump his ass. People like this are entitled little children who think only they matter only what they think matters. How humiliating.

Answer 20

Zombie-Killa

Yoda

You are dating a douchebag.

Answer 21

geminix

Xper 3

Drop him. He's trash.

Is my boyfriend rude or just blunt?

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