Is it my fault that we broke up, or does he have mental issues?

Recently my boyfriend and I broke up. I tried to save the relationship but he didn't want to. He blamed everything on me saying I was immature, played a victim a lot and always needed reassurance. But the only times I needed reassurance is when he was acting different and I didn't see him for weeks at a time. I always apologized to him in the relationship but he never could say sorry to me if my feelings got hurt. He said really hurtful things to me and things that beat down my character things that were not true. I often felt he could not see me for who i really am instead he gave me false lables. He would just say I'm over sensitive. He would get mad over silly small things and blames every argument on me saying I like to debate. He seem to had mood swings and couldn't deal with stress well or if I asked more than 3 questions he felt irritated. I feel like he deflected himself on to me. And belittled me to feel better about himself. I realized he was being manipulative but he doesn't see it that way. I was always loyal to him, loving, caring and understanding and motivated him. I really loved him. But he even told me once that he doesn't think I loved him as much as I say that I was just desperate to feel love and to be loved. But that was not true. I truly loved him. But he sees me as something negative. Later I found out he has anxiety, adhd, he said he was molested by his family member then later beaten and treated like a animal by a foster family when he was a child. He claims to be fine but could these be the reasons why he's in denial, giving up on our love and blaming me for everything?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know this sounds harsh, but he does sound damaged from this past and is not handling it well. I think there is too much baggage with him and his problems. Certainly there is something not right mentally with him. I think him breaking up with you is a blessing in disguise. It is not your duty or responsibility to help "fix" him. His problems are his to figure out. I think you should let him be, forget him and move on to someone else you will be much happier with.

    • I think you're right. At first I self doubted myself and questioned myself. I know I'm not perfect but I wasn't the way that he was describing me to be. It was things that seemed strange in the relationship too. He wouldn't have sex with me either. After 10 months he wouldn't have sex with me but he always wanted me to please him in other ways but he wouldn't do the same for me. I believe he was selfish as well. I see now that he is damaged and has problems and instead of looking at himself he put me down and falsely labeled me. He gave up on me and us when I loved him and would have never given up on him. But you're right this is probably a blessing in disguise. And I deserved to be loved and respected. And cherished.

    • Right, I also wanted to add to never feel guilty or like you gave up on him because you are right, you do deserve to be with someone who loves, respects and cherishes you! Good luck!

    • Thank you!

Most Helpful Girl

  • He's got some serious emotional and attachment issues stemming from his childhood trauma that he took out on you instead of seeking help for. Honestly, I don't think there is really anything you can do at this point but walk away and try to find someone who is in a healthier place mentally and will treat you properly. He needs to choose for himself to seek help for his issues and you or anyone else pushing him to ilia just gonna make him defensive and resistant to getting help.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Recently my boyfriend and I broke up. I tried to save the relationship but he didn't want to. Seems to me he wanted a way out. I know its hard to hear but it doesn't sound like he was willing to compromise... get better... listen more... nothing. Sometimes it is just not meant to be. A relationship is hard but also should flow in some direction. This is all over the place. Find something that flows.

    • I think he wanted a way out because I saw him for who he really was and he didn't want get better like you said. For him to get better he would have to face his own demons and look at his self instead of blaming others. When I think about it this was all over the place too many highs and lows. Sometimes I wondered if he was crazy. We had minor issues that could have been worked out but he didn't want to compromise on anything. And he gave up. And he gets irritated and annoyed so easily. Maybe us breaking up was a blessing for me.

What Girls Said 3

  • Even if he had a traumatic past and struggles with issues it's not OK for him to hurt you emotionally. His behavior can not excused. He sounds like the troublemaker in this relationship and it sounds like a very unhealthy set up. He needs help. You need someone better.

    • I agree. I think I do deserve better. It hurts a bit because I loved him. I'm not perfect but I always did right by him and I loved him. It just hurts that he saw me in such negative ways and blamed me for everything.

    • It's going to hurt yes. But all this hurt will be worth it once you find yourself a good guy.

    • That's true. I hope to find a good guy.

  • My boyfriend was beaten when he was young , and his parents argued a lot and divorced as a result now he hates argument and when we argue he rarely says sorry and he blames me and tries to convince me that i"m the wrong one , I don't know if his childhood is the reason for him to be cold but i'm sure it has smth to do in all that , and im pretty convinced as well that it affected ur boyfriend also. I can understand but since u did ur best and its over just move on :( u will find someone who loves u

    • Yea I did try. He would get angry and defensive over silly things. And if we did argue he said cold things but when I said my feelings were hurt he never said sorry. I always said sorry to him. He blamed me for everything and labeled me in a negative way. Sometimes I was confused because I'm totally opposite from how he labeled me. He always blamed everything on me. He never saw his own flaws. And he was also fake. He actsaid like one person at work, online and when you first get to know him bit after some time I saw that wasn't really him. I think I deserve better and I deservenjoy someone who loves me.

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    • Sure u do honey , Never regret anything it was an experience in life and use it to be a better person in the future , u r young life is still in front of u so move on and be happy , I'm sure the best is yet to come ^^

    • Thank you. I'm trying to stay positive. =)

  • I think you just answered your own question. Yes, he has serious issues. You had a lucky escape.

    Breathe. Recover. Move on.