Commitment phobe ex broke up with me but still dating me, however he is not ready for a relationship and told me I'm free to date others?

He broke up with me in Dec after 6 months of being together. Since then he has never stopped contacting me, he admit he has commitment issue and bought a self help book. We are dating again now.

He has only read one chapter so far and it seems to be helping him realize he is emotionally unstable and he is not ready to be in relationship. He also said he only became independent from his mom a few years ago, he thinks he needs more time to be committed.

He told me he needs to be honest with me as he is not sure how long would that take him to be ready to be in a relationship. He said I can date other guys. I asked is that because he wants to date other girls. He said he wants me to be open minded, and that if someone comes along he will be open to dates, he will tell them he is not looking for relationship he will be only up for a few dates. Then he added if he is ready to be committed to anyone it will be me and not anyone else.

Since the break up he still takes me to his sports, and takes me out to dinner date. We do PDA, hugs, kisses but we are not getting intimate.

Base on our old relationship I know he is insecure and he even said to me he never date more than one person at once, if the girl feels he is not enough and has to date someone else he will just move on from her.

I understand he is not ready to be with me or anyone as long as he reamins a commitment phobe. Should I cut him out of my life? or just go do my own fling while remain connected wtih him?


Most Helpful Guy

  • it sounds to me like dating him is sort of a precarious thing becuase of his committment issues. if you feel comfortable dating him though despite that then full steam ahead.

    why the lack of romantic stuff? like making out, sex, or whatever?

    • The physical part was never lacking during our relationship. Sex was always great and we are always affectionate. We are very comfortable with each other and sleep well with each other, I know this might sound silly but both of us don't like sleeping over with people. With each other we sleep well, in the middle of the night he would hug me even tighter without knowing.

      The catalyst of the break up was we had a "difficult" conversion while I was on holiday. He felt like we clash. I was a bit harsh during that conversation. I promised to text him the next day but I didn't follow through as I wanted him to text me. He went to liking spree on my facebook to get my attention for 4 days. I would respond to his comments there but just not texting him. Then by day 4 he broke up with me.

      Now we are still very affectionate with each other. PDA when we are out, or when we at his sports. In private we still cuddle and kiss and make out, just not going all the way.

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    • I'm going through the same exact scenario. I just told him that I keep going back and forth with him practically holding on is because he keeps having these up and down moments. He to suggested that we have a open relationship but I refused. I see him chat on dating site. I refused but just recently we told each other that we went on dates. He still thinks of me and shows it by continuing to text me even when I told him that I give up. I like him a lot. Now I'm considering not contacting him for at least 30 days and ignoring him. I deleted him off fb on vday... by the way I was mad at him bc I thought he was ignoring me. He showed up at my door with a cheesecake in shape of a heart. Mind you I ignored him and did not answer a number of his calls and he showed up anyway. Does that sound like someone who doesn't want a person? How are things with your situation?

    • @cwoman3 I can only suggest focus on what you want. If what he can offer doesn't satisfy you, walk away proudly and don't come back.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He is Now Being More of an Honest John in Openly Admitting that even with the Book... He wants You to take a Good Look, he Cannot Commit.
    However, he is Still Showing and Glowing with You right now as Exclusive and even without Official, he is Making you a Part of his Heart.
    He has told you straight out how it is now, so with this being said, focus on You and don't say anything of what you may do. He has made his own point by Pin pointing how it is so how it sit fair for you to just sit around with a "Maybe' or "No" in Having a Real Relationship again?
    Tell hi, to get this Ball and Al Going and Flowing, that you Don't want to Know Anything... About any Fling.
    Tell him too the book opens and closes both ways. This may make him Maybe... Read on.
    Good luck. xx

    • Thank you for the "Like" sweetie. xxoo

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    • I'm not sure if this is a good idea.. would you pleas take a look?

    • He took me out for dinner and was very affectionate. Didn't take me to sports as it starts late and will be too late when he drop me home. Personally I think it was better. Late game only works if I was still sleeping over.

      Confirmed he will spend vday with me. He didn't look like he's been on date as he's been shaved since I saw him during the week, I would imagine with new people he would be trying harder to impress on appearance and sat night he was just chilling with his roommates.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • That's for you to decide based on what you want. But I wouldn't wait around for him to get on his knees and propose marriage.

    • I told him I wasn't asking for a ring or to move in. I can't even think of that for at least after a few years of being in a relationship.

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    • Sounds like a good plan. I'm married and occasionally my wife and I start to take each other for granted, acting more like close friends or family instead of lovers. It helps me in those cases sometimes that my work has me taking business trips overseas (usually just for a couple of weeks). When I get back home, it ignites that spark back in our relationship -- going from "I missed you so much" to just kind of acting like we did for a while when we first started dating.

      I don't know if it'll have the same effect in your case, but it might help this guy realize he misses you more from his life to spend a bit of time without you.

    • I think it totally would, he broke up with me while I was overseas. When I came back he volunteer to pick me up from aiport and the long hug he gave me told me he missed me badly but he couldn't verbalize it cos of his commitment issue

  • Seems like he's really honest with you. Some dudes aren't willing enough to say to their girls faces "you can date other guys". But if he really loves you I don't know why he would have this issue in the first place


What Girls Said 1

  • If you want commitment then you need to cut him out of your life, yes.