And she hit me with the friends with benefits on VTD?

So the girl that I have been dating for nearly four months is terrified of commitment. I won't go into her background, but the last guy really did a number on her and she still seems unresolved because of it. She allegedly has had life-long commitment issues due in part to having borderline personality disorder.

This past Valentine's weekend, we had an outstanding two days together, including some of the best and most passionate sex we have had so far. We text each other all the time, talk all the time, but there is a disconnect when it comes to us making our relationship official. Finally, on Sunday night she hits me with the "I still want to be able to flirt with other guys but we can be friends and just hang out like we have been." Then she says I should start dating other people, but we can still hang out. All this crap, yet she still tells me she loves me, calls me "babe" all the time and "knows that no one will ever love her the way I love her". She says its not me its her. Its the way she is.

So, of course, I was not too excited about these developments. It made me feel inadequet and, quite frankly, disrespected. It was the first thing that popped into my mind when my eyes opened this morning, perpetuating a hollow, empty feeling where my heart is all day. It weighs heavily on me, but this morning she tells me she didn't sleep well because she was up all night researching relationships. She's supposed to spend the night at my place this week as well, but I'm so confused if I should just cut all ties with her now or wait and continue on acting like we act (which, by the way, is like a damn relationship!) and see if maybe she is having second thoughts?

If I wasn't already emmotionally invested, this would be cut and dry, but is it ever worth allowing something like this to continue, or is this always black or white?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wow this is a tough situation. I would say cut ties for now... Thats pretty messed up though... You guys are practically a couple just with no label. She probably has issues with Labels as well.

    • Precisely. It would be different if we were not always talking, but she usually initiates if I don't. If it were just because of losing interest in me or wanted to be with someone else, I would not expect her to be starting conversations all the time. But her actions contradict her 'intentions'. So confusing!! Thanks for the feedback.

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