Should I get out now?

I have an ex who I've remained good friends with. He told me that he wants to try again with me in the future when he's ready.
However, yesterday he told me that he's unable to get over his ex, and that he's been in love with her for 10 years. She's a lesbian though and of course doesn't return the feelings. He says it's like a drug and he can't get over it. He only knows her online, not so much in real life since she lives very far away from him. Anyways, he always tells me that he loves me, that I'm not some fallback girl, that I'm first in his life, and that he wants me to be the one to make him get over her. Last night he was talking to me about how he can't get over her, no matter what he tries. I then just flat out asked him "If she were to suddenly be straight, would you go back to her?". He avoided the question for the longest time before answering "I don't know."

That answer to me is a "yes". I kind of figured that all along, just sort of hurtful to hear it said. We only dated online for a few months, but I was willing to give him a second chance. I think that if he really did love me like he says he does, he would've immediately said "no" to the question. I'm not okay with that at all. You cannot love 2 people at once... at least not entirely. I think he is just using me to forget her and doesn't even realize it. He just refuses to help himself by letting go of her... or even going to counseling or something. I think he has some actual serious mental issues regarding all of this. It's like an unhealthy obsession. I care about him and I want him to be free from this, but I feel that he'll never truly let go of her.

My gut is telling me to get out now. Part of me doesn't want to, but I think it would be best for me. I don't see this going anywhere good. What do you think?


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  • I think it's clear that he thinks he feels more deeply for her. Or maybe it's just because he wants what he cannot have. Either way, you deserve someone who only has eyes for you and is capable of he thing over their ex after 10 years enough to not let it interfere with future relationships. He shouldn't even be bringing it up. It's the past. I think you should leave him to go figure out his head and you should be open to finding someone who truly wants you. If he can't get you back in future, he will learn he was silly.

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