Am I overreacting?

I've been single for 2 years (not by choice). I've been actively dating with no luck. For a long time I thought the issue was my weight so I lost 25 lbs. Recently, I started a dating an older man for the first time. He is 33 and I'm 25. He asked for monogamy (not to be my boyfriend, but for us to date monogamously). While that goes against my beliefs, I agreed. I expressed that for my needs to feel met I need to receive at least one text a day and, although he said yes, he does not comply with this. I recently learned that although I usually have a secure attachment style, his behavior leads me to act in an anxious attachment style way. I don't know if he's an avoidant attachment style or secure and i'm just overreacting. My responses to his behavior have led to severe bouts of depression and anxiety attacks that I overcome using coping skills. I'm not sure if my focus should be on myself and letting the relationship maintain its course and secretly not be monogamous so i'm able to get my needs met OR communicate that my needs aren't being met and I can't be monogamous which I think would lead to us ending what we have. As of today, I haven't heard from him in 4 days (completely unacceptable behavior for someone I am monogamous with).

  • Overreacting, focus on yourself
    Vote A
  • Communicate your needs
    Vote B
  • Just end it
    Vote C
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Forgot to mention - He's a dad with full custody. Don't have kids so i'm not sure how big of a role that plays in his behavior.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!

What Girls Said 1

  • I personally think you have been upfront about your needs so he should know that he should at least try to be in contact with you at least once a day.

    I don't think that's asking too much. And for him to want to be monogamous, but not be official, to me that seems odd. Also, how does he disappear for 4 days?

    To me that's a red flag. I would probably end things. Especially if you feel he is causing you to feel anxious, something is obviously up.

    • I forgot to mention - He's a dad with full custody. Does that matter that much? I don't have kids so I have no idea

    • Well, kids take up a lot of time. It's quite possible he is busy with his kids. But I think you need to talk to him about your expectations. If you are unhappy being with someone who won't label you his girlfriend, then maybe it's not the right type of relationship for you?

      I can certainly see why this would upset you. I wouldn't be okay with a guy not talking to me for a few days either. Once in a while is fine. But if this is his regular behaviour, then you need to decide if it's fine with you.