Advice from people in the military or people with experience? Just started dating someone in the army & he seems to be having a tough time?

So I just got in a relationship with a guy who is in the army.

He has been deployed twice, has had a lot of things happen like being shot, lost friends, etc.

When we are together he tells me about how much he likes me & keeps asking if I'm okay with his past.

the thing is, he has also been married but his wife passed away.

Everyday he tells me he misses me multiple times.

but the other day he texts me saying this is all tough for him, he has a lot of baggage, doesn't know if he is ready for a big relationship, he just doesn't wanna mess up, then goes back to asking if I'm okay with his past & he still has emotions about his wife.

which I understand those emotions will never go away.

then after the conversation he had read my text & didn't respond until hours later & he just says "I miss you" & I ask him if he wants to be with me, & he says he does he wants me, & I say is this what you want though (referring to the serious relationship) & he says I don't know but I'm willing to try.

i can tell he is being very stand offish lately, like before he said he wanted a relationship with me & wants to be happy with me. & then it seemed like his emotions got the best of him.
I told him we can take this as slow as possible & to tell me things when he is ready.

It it just feels like when he is open with me it's b/c he is drunk (he has a drinking problem)
It's like all he says is that he really likes me, he misses me, & wants to see me. We have serious conversations but then sometimes he is just very closed off.

So from someone who has been in the military or has had experience with this, what do you think is happening? Any advice?


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  • i know that many can get violent quickly.


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