Will some guys explain to me what's going on in your head when you start pulling back from the girl you were dating?

This inevitably happens at he beginning of all my relationship. I believe that people need their space and I usually try not to worry about it unless the person is just going above and beyond to be aloof. In probably half of the cases the men will text me after a week or so maybe longer and things will resume as usual and the other half I just get angry and tell the man that I'm done with being treated like that. It always gives me the time to evaluate if he's actually worth it.

But it what is going on in his mind? Is it because he doesn't really like the girl and he's having second thoughts and then decides that he just might as well continue dating her until someone else comes along or does he do this to girls he actually has feelings for as well?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I can kind of identify: I've noticed about myself that when I start liking a girl, some kind of fear pops op in me - I become afraid that I will put all effort into this girl, and that it will eventually break apart anyway. It's not because I'm having second thoughts, I do like her a lot, it's just the fear it will end badly.
    When I'm having second thoughts, it's actually fairly easy for me to break it off and move on.

    • This is sort of the way I view things, as a girl. I would rather end it quickly if it's not what I want than have a "break up" that may last a couple weeks if that makes sense.

      So do you just take your space and evaluate if she is worth the risk or do you just need to have a minute to calm down about it so to speak?

    • I think what I'd most want is a conversation about what the hell we are doing. Where's our relationship going? Evaluate what both of us expect from each other. I think I'm also scared that I don't know what she wants, or don't even know what I want.
      The lack of being aware of what we both want scares me. Sometimes I get the idea that the girl expects so much of me, that it scares me - while that might not even be the case.
      Instead of taking space, I'd much rather talk with the girl about our future - but that's not always possible. And it's not that I see it as a risk, I think I would still experience the same fear even with the most perfect girl.

  • When I start pulling back it means I found out something about her that's unacceptable for me in a long term partner and since we are in the getting to know u phase I don't owe her an official break up.

    • Also I don't tell women exactly what it was that I pulled back but that's because I want her to remain honest with men in the future.

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