So about a month ago I asked why he was being so distant and at first he wasn’t getting straight to the point, until I had to probe him a bit more and he said he didn’t think we would be anything more than friends.
I just accepted this and went on my merry way (thinking back I should have questioned it, but I was quite hurt). To me it sounded like he was friendzoning me. He asked if I still wanted to talk to him and I said i didn’t mind. Occasionally he still checked in with me and that was that.
A couple of days ago I decided to ask him why he friendzoned me and he said he wouldn’t call it friendzoning.
He said he wanted to do more than kissing and he felt things were going down the same road as the last two girls he dated (both happened to be Virgins too except they were waiting for marriage). He said he didn’t think it was fair to put me in this situation. He said he had thought about it a lot and believed he had made the right decision. He asked why it had taken me so long to ask. I told him I thought I had an idea why he ended things, so I didn’t feel like I needed confirmation.
He said he’s still around if I ever need a hug or shoulder to cry on. I laughed and said that’s what people say when they are friendzoning you. He went on to say he was still attracted to me and generally speaking hugs lead to more, but if you don’t get more then it’s frustrating.
After that we just had a light hearted conversation about life and he has made contact since and flirted with me here and there. I just honestly feel confused by this conversation as the days go by..
What are your thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
One of the anon guys has half of the answer:
'i won't be your celibate boyfriend'
This sentence explains part of it.
I would further follow it up with this:
'I also won't pressure you into having sex with me.'
Those two sentences combined mean that if a measure of time has passed and sex has not occured, then the relationship is over. He did not lay this down as an ultimatum early in the relationship because he did not want to put pressure on you. If things are not naturally heading toward sex... then he is done and not looking back.
This is what appears to have happened
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Most Helpful Girl
I feel like even though he's 5 years older than you he's at the same place in life as you. You gave him too much credit for being "older/more mature" and probably more respect and admiration than you probably should've. I think it was sneaky of him to let it go on for 2 months and then decide to mention he just wants to be friends. That couldve been done much sooner and directly through verbal and nonverbal cues.