American woman inlove with muslim man what to do?

Hi all, Assalamualaikum my name is susan I was born American catholic and converted to muslim 3 months ago. I been dating a muslim man who is Indian/ Pakistani for 7 months I live in United States he lives in Canada. We talk everyday and have fell deep inlove I know he loves me but he confessed that he don’t think his mom would accept me since I been married and have 4 kids (she’s very traditional) he has been married before with one child and now divorced. My kids live with there father I work a lot im very nervous cause we want a future together but he won’t even mention to his mom that he has a friend as I requested saying it’s to early although he told me he wants to spend his life with me. I would never ask him too choose his family over me but I don’t want to lose him I’m willing to do anything for our us to be together. Do you think his traditional mom would accept? Will he give me up if she says no? What can I do for her to accept or any advice on what to tell him top get him to tell him mom I know he don’t want to hurt her. Please any advice oh also he has told his friends and cousins about me I spoke to cousin twice I just don’t want to be a secret anymore


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have some major problems.

    First, you are impulsive - you act before thinking about the consequences of what your are doing or thinking fully about the challenges ahead.

    Second, it's one of those challenges. You asked " Do you think his traditional mom would accept? Will he give me up if she says no?"
    Well, none of us will know!! You need to have found that out first before doing anything rash like converting. In particular, I am DEEPLY CONCERNED that you don't know the answer to "Will he give me up if she says no?" If he would gave you up after his mother says "No" then he is not a real man. This is a major problem in backward cultures like Islam which suppress individuality. You should know the answer to that mother-says-no question before doing anything else.

    So, my advice is find out immediately the answer to that question. The mother's answer is only slightly irrelevant because that would indicate the possibility of mother-in-law problems. But if that man would give you up if the mother says "No", then that says oceans about the kind of man he is and how supportive he would have been had the mother said "yes".

    A husband's job is to be there for his wife and make her #1 before anyone: mother, father, religious leaders or anyone else.

    Other than that, you are 32. It is time to grow-up yourself, look in the mirror, and discover who you really are before making ANY additional major life decisions.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Leave your religions out of it.


What Guys Said 2

  • I have many Moslem friends and have dated quite a few Moslem girls. My secondary girlfriend right now is Moslem (we can't tell her parents she eats bacon, drinks wine, and is no virgin). I know many inter-religious happily married couples too.

    Here is what works and what doesn't.

    It is necessary that the Moslem is not a religious person. He/she can be a holiday Moslem, like there are holiday Christians, but if religion is a central part of his life, then it will not end well. I have heard of blow ups in nasty divorce, and women who married a Moslem who disappear and are never heard from again.

    Traditional Islamic and western cultures are at their root incompatible. I personally join my friends in their celebration of Idul Fitri and they join me for Christmas, sharing with friends is great. To go beyond that, they only work together if the stricter yields to the freer. Traditional Islam is indivisible from politics, and only heretic, tolerant beliefs based on individual choice can mix with the west. All of my Moslem friends and the Moslems I have dated are of the tolerant variety, where religion is an individual matter, not an affair of State.

    Not necessary, but it is helpful if the Moslem was raised in the West and identifies as an American/Canadian/Brit first and foremost. It is necessary that the Moslem has a western attitude.

    As far as converting to Islam, there are two reasons to do it. The one that works is for show. Parents live on the other side of the world, and they'll be dead soon, so it makes them happy. Some of the couples I know have done this. One is really funny because the Moslem wife's parents came to visit one time, so they moved all of their alcohol and wine glasses to a friend's house until they left and all their friends who might meet her parents were in on the ruse.

    The other reason is if the Moslem is a devoutly religious person and the converter becomes devout as well. This is a very common path for terrorists. If you haven't already been getting watched, you will now with your Assal... greeting. That is a red flag for someone who is at risk to go off the deep end, someone who is a little too enthusiastic about her newfound religion. The spybots will find it within a few hours of posting. Sometimes the converters know what they are doing and intend to do it; and sometimes they get caught up in the moment and end up as a person they did not intend.

    • And that, ladies and gents, is how you discuss this topic.

  • Did you convert just to marry? or genuinely?
    I think the relationship will be a little tough.

    • I converted after years of learning about islam not for marriage muslim men can marry Christian woman so that's not the reason.

What Girls Said 0

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