He stands me up- doesn't think he needs to call to cancel?

Hi all,
I'm dating my old high school sweetheart who is going through a nasty breakup.
We have a differing opinion on an issue that has caused friction between us and I want to know guys' opinions.
When we make plans (and I mean day, time etc) to hang out and go do things or spend time at my place, he will sometimes not show up - and he won't call or text to tell me he can't make it.
That, in my opinion is disrespectful and is a basic dating/trust rule. If you can't make it, you call or at least text to say I'm sorry I can't make it.
Twice, he's texted me saying he's running late (to come over to my house) and then didn't show up at all and didn't call. He called the next morning at 11am. Ugh.
Granted, he's got some crazy drama with his ex right now that I won't get into, serious stuff. They also have a son. He's explained it all to me and says that when he stands me up, he isn't "doing it on purpose". He says he always wants to make it, but that his ex (they still are in process of splitting physically so she is in his living space part time at least) threatens to destroy his belongings if he tries to go out, and causes mass amounts of other drama. She gets physical with him (she hit him in the face last week) and even with her own mother. She's a handful let's just say that. Mentally unstable is a nice way to put it. His friends are sick of watching him go through this too, and his best friend sometimes texts me when he's there with my sweetheart and the ex to tell me how she's flipping out over something.
anyway, I can understand (sort of) that people deal with breakups in their own way and must handle volatile situations how they see fit.
My beef is this: if you can't make it- CALL OR TEXT ME TO LET ME KNOW.
He says I should just know that if he doesn't show, something is happening with his ex and her drama.
I don't think I'm being unreasonable. Isn't this request a basic thing - showing respect?


What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm going through the same thing with my junior high sweetheart. she's crazy too. Only difference he's divorcing her when he gets a dna test done. When he doesn't text me its usually because she takes his phone. Maybe its that same case

    • Exactly. She absolutely does take his phone pretty regularly. He keeps it locked with a passcode but still. She wants to prevent him from seeing anyone. She came after him with a knife a couple of months ago when he refused to give her the phone. He won't take my advice and get a restraining order against her because they have a son together and he's trying to keep law enforcement out of it all. Meanwhile, she filed a false complaint and had HIM arrested. It was dropped obviously because it was a lie.
      This is more drama than I've ever seen in my life. I'm too old for this crap.
      But I want to see if things calm down after a bit.

    • Eventually he may just have enough and walk away. That's what my guy did. There must be a reason you found each other again. But I hope it works and he rids of her. My guy didn't call the law either. You have to tell him it's bad for the child to see those things. I can understand the drama too I don't like it myself but I stay for him. I can't wait till divorce is final. He really does need the law tho she's sounds crazy enough to kill him! He needs to go before he loses his life sadly. I'd stick around for a little while

  • Why meet him he's going through stuff forget him

    • Thanks but not gonna happen. We reconnected after 23 years apart and aside from this, we are very compatible and love our time together. :-)

  • you're not being unreasonable. You should always call or text if you can't make a date. I have had experience with this and its very rude to not show and not call to cancel, no matter what the drama may be. Things happen but be respectful of those you made plans with. I would have probably dumped the guy already. Simple requests are not hard to follow.

    • Yes exactly! He already knows, if we didn't have a history together from when we were kids, I would have walked by now. I think it's our history plus how we are when we're together that makes me want to give him opportunities to grow and learn. We'll see. We all have our deal breakers and being disrespected is definitely one of mine.

    • The guy im with does similar things to me. We make plans for a set day and time and then that time comes and he doesn't show. I have ti text him and he will respond hours later saying he was busy. Its BS honestly. I understand the history part and wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt. What does your gut say?