A Married female co-worker and I get along great, but I feel wrong asking if she wants to meet up or get together with her outside of work as friends?

A female coworker and I have become very close and get along great. Though unfortunately she is married and has kids. She is attractive and I would definitely consider dating her if she were single, though I would never approach her in that way due to her being married, only as friends.

However I feel it is wrong to even suggest this to a married woman. We chat sometimes online too, though as friends. Am I crossing a boundary to ask if she would like to hang out sometime?

  • Yes, its perfectly ok, don't see a problem
  • No, its definitely crossing a boundary
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, I think that as you have admitted to us that you are attracted to her you should make sure you avoid social situations with her. I know you say you wouldn't make a move on her but sometimes, in the moment, that resolve crumbles. Also, she may feel the same about you and that would just make it worse.

    • There are many women, with partners or who are married that I know who are attractive, but I do not, and would not violate that trust or cross that boundary. I am not sure of her feelings but you have a suspicion that there's the possibility it could exist?

    • I have a suspicion only in as much that if you have a close relationship with her there must be a chance that she could reciprocate your feelings. It is fairly likely she has an inkling of your feelings as well. But, clearly, there is also a chance that neither of these things are true. From what you have told us I couldn't offer an evaluation.

      Your resolve that you wouldn't cross the boundary is commendable but believe me, men have been saying that and then failing forever. Some, no doubt, succeed. I don't think many of us could honestly be certain that we wouldn't ever make the mistake; it only takes a moment of weakness. If you were to spend time with her with alcohol involved the chances of something going wrong would increase for sure so that may be worth bearing in mind. The other thing you can be sure of is that her husband isn't going to like it, even if he says its ok.

    • I;'ve been at parties and gatherings with her when her girlfriend invited work colleagues and drank, but we never initiated any flirting or any when being together. Well I know what you mean, so I really don't text her or anything online or otherwise and as we wouldn't work together forever I will most likely lose contact after a while.

What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • I voted B. Not because I think she would find it weird or anything but for your own sake. Think about it, this could potentially turn things into a living hell for you. The fact that you're attracted to her creates a possibility of you being even more attracted to her. Even if you would never go for anything with a married woman, it would still suck liking her, or even worse, eventually falling in love with her - when you can't do anything about it. Since you're coworkers you wouldn't be able to just stop hanging out with her either in a situation like this.

    If you really think you could pull it off being just friends though - the best way to let that happen would be to casually inviting her family to a gathering or something, where you've of course have invited other people too (if you have any friends or other coworkers and their families). If you invite her whole family you will get to meet her husband too (when he is like a "real" person that you've met your eventual feelings will be easier to ignore or stop. Something like "Hey what are you doing this weekend? (finding out if she's free) ... Yeah well I thought about organizing some kind of gathering thing with a little bit of food and stuff (not at your own place, that will be expensive), thought it could be fun getting to know your coworkers in a more casual environment you know (or say for example that you and some friends and their families are doing this). Do you think that would be fun? I thought you could bring your family too (or just her husband)".

    Just know that if you decide to do anything, know the risks. If you realize that you are falling for her, stop spending time with her instantly, it would suck if you developed feelings for this woman, you would stand in front of an even bigger moral dilemma if you did.

  • How dare married women make eye contact with strange men?

    • No, spend time with other men alone while married to another man.