Is it okay that my boyfriend doesn't think of me first?

here's a little background for you I've been with my boyfriend for two years this May and it is a long distant relationship. We are only 3 hours apart and I go stay with him 1 or 2 times a month for a good amount of time. I'm planning on transferring to a school only 30 minutes away from him this summer because we both agree it's that step in the relationship.
So when we first start dating we were best friends and it was a friendly relationship that turned into this wow thing. I never met a guy so loving and caring before. I lost hope in finding a good guy but I was finally preaching that they exist! He did anything for me and I did everything for him. We were equal and compatible. However time passed by and he started offering to do less and less while I started doing things more. Even spending time with me, which is so crucial, seems less important to him. Just to get it out of the way, I know he is not cheating, I'm not going to waste time listing how I know. I have talked to him about it and how I don't do one sided relationships but it doesn't get us anywhere. Do most guys relax and care less this far in a relationship? Is there anything I can do to spark that firey romantic guy I fell for?


What Guys Said 2

  • That's the thing. Time passes. However, you haven't stated how long it's been.

    Exactly how are you measuring that he doesn't think about you first? In contrast to what? His friends? His job? His schoolwork? What is he doing? How much time were you spending with each other previously, contrasted to now? When you talked with him, "it doesn't get us anywhere", exactly what do you mean? How did that conversation go--what was his response?

    Your approximate attractiveness, his approximate attractiveness? Does he have. I have too little information to make an educated guess. With this level of information, you might as well be asking an 8-ball or picking flower petals.

    • We have been together for 2 years. He lived here while we were just friends but moved a week after dating. So we are used to being long distant. Before we would send each other packages, when I was visiting make sure our schedule with friends is free so we have time together, even little things like making to call and say goodnight when we were apart (these are just a few examples). Now he honestly tells me he forgets about me every once in awhile and that's why I don't hear from him. When I'm up there with him he invites his buddies over every day. He forgot. If I want something sweet done, I have to ask him in advanced when he used to do things spontaneously to show he loves me like cooking or writing letters or surprising me at home. His school and his job have not changed. When we talk all he says is he doesn't see any difference. How does our attractiveness have to do with it? His friends all give him props for getting me and people tell me I've settled in the looks category

  • Well, yes I suppose it happens like that. Over time one of the partners starts taking the other for granted , it can happen unintentionally also, which I am sure is your case. One partner starts becoming the giver and the other only receives it.

    What can you do? . Yes you can do certain things but I am not able to think of anything right now, if I come up with something, I'll tell you.


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