How do I forget the past?

So my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year, ut I can't seem to forget the past. It's not that the past was bad but we had a few fights and rough patches but I still keep bringing it up and always ask questions about it.. How do I stop? How do I forget the past and just let it go? I always think of the bad things that lead up to me asking stupid questions and i know im going to push him away...


Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't you just learn to live with it


Most Helpful Girl

  • You can never forget the past. You just have to accept it. You can't continue to analyze every little thing and wonder what you could have changed. You just need to accept everything for what it is and understand that you can't change it! I wish you the best of luck.

    • thank you so much! you're right, it's time to lay it to rest.

What Guys Said 2

  • A) Get counseling to process your thoughts and feelings. the more intimate you were the more you have to work at it.
    B) Focus on the here and now and the future, cause that's all you have.

  • Not talking about it seems to work just fine for me...
    liquor and beer just seals the deal.


What Girls Said 1

  • Ok, well. Obligatory background questions:
    1) What things do you keep bringing up?
    2) How does he react when you do this?
    3a) Has he ADDRESSED the issues you are raising?
    3b) Has he ADDRESSED the WAY YOU FEEL about those things?

    I'm guessing that the answer to both parts of #3 is "no", but... you tell me.

    I'm also guessing that -- like most boys -- he's been following a policy of "get pissed off/resentful, sulk, and avoid conflict", when YOU would much rather that he'd just put the fucking issues to rest once and for all. Amirite?

    The boy probably just doesn't know what he's supposed to do here, because he probably doesn't understand what YOU are actually "asking" him to do when you come at him like this.
    If this is like most of these situations, then, YOU probably want a combination of 3 things: (1) "shut the fuck up, woman", (2) "I understand what yr throwing at me", (3) "I love you, and we're gna get through this together". And you probably want all 3 of these things at once. Something like that.

    In any case, it's gna depend on how big the issues are, and how deep the communication gap is. Lmk what the answers to #1 and #2 are.

    • Its stupid things that I bring up a million times. Its just hard for me to get over the past and his past. He does tell me stuff that I want to hear but I just can't stop thinking about it.. if it's not one thing its another.. i just need it to stop

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    • You're so right. I'm wasting away moments that could be amazing all because of some stupid snapchats and things that happened within the first 4-6 months we were dating... thank you so much for your help! The last thing i want to do is lose him..

    • Yeah, I know you realize that, in yr head... that's the easy part. But, srsly, DO NOT scrimp on the emotional intensity of this mental picture.

      Hopefully, you at least had some tears starting to form in the corners of yr eyes, just reading that description. (Lord knows *I* did, just typing it... but, yeah, I'm one of *those* women, lol. Heart always on sleeve.) You did, right?
      Ok, that's step 1.

      The goal is for that mental picture to become SO intense that you actually choke up with tears at the mere *thought* of it.
      Like, you even THINK about going back to the old ways of throwing shit up in the boy's face -- trust me, anger has a way of doing that -- and you won't even be able to do it, because you'll literally choke on the words. Literally. You'll just break down.

      That's the goal.

      Write it down in story form, if you have to. Horror story, starring YOU.
      Then go out and make sure you NEVER EVER EVER have to live it.