Torn between two guys... One is amazing and the other one has douche tendencies. Help in sorting out what to do?

1st guy: we'll call him "O", met about a month ago at Latin dance club. We clicked, exchanged #s, started hanging out & now are a thing. He is perfect, literally everything I want, but there's no spark. He tried to DTR 2x, to which I replied that I wasn't ready to commit & wanted to go slow. This is how I roll: slowly. He is head-over-heels for me & spoils me like crazy. He wants us to be serious but he's going way too fast.
2nd guy: J & I are in the same group of friends and know each other for a while. Mutual interest was obvious from the day we met & there was a spark until I realized he was playing. I stepped back & he started chasing me again. Then, I met O & moved on. That's when J started texting, being more around, etc. We actually got pretty close friendship-wise! This weekend, things stepped up. I mentioned O & he started being weird since then: he even introduced himself to my roomie as O. The day after, we went to a conference & he was seating very close to me, touching me randomly, etc. He also asked me to massage/caress his back, which totally threw me off. On Monday, we went shopping together. He was being "worse": he touched me a lot, played footsies, held himself very close to me, asked for my opinion on clothes, etc. He even wanted to take a picture together so O would see it and get jealous (I refused). Later, we went to the movies with friends. He was invading my space, asking random questions about the movie, mimicking my actions, touching me, etc. At one point, he turned his head towards me & held himself very close, staring into my eyes as if he were gonna kiss me.
I'm thrown off & don't know what to do. I like O a lot & he's a keeper, but there's no spark. J has player tendencies, but there is a spark. I've learned the hard way to stay away from guys like J & I know it won't go anywhere, but I enjoy his attention & the flirting game. I know I'm playing with fire, but I need advice on how to handle this situation. What should I do?


What Guys Said 1

  • Go with j if u just wana have some fun...
    Go with o if u wana long term monogamous relationship...
    J is kinda bad guy for whom u feel spark.. but trust me 5 years from now u will be regretting leaving O... coz he is marriage material.
    Choice is yours.

    • Ha, I already considered what you said and that's what is confusing me: I do want to get married, but not now. I'm only 20, barely started college and I'm not done with life. I'm barely independent and able to properly take care of myself, so having to take care of myself, someone else, a home and potential kids is not something I'm ready for. I'm not saying that marriage is a trap and you can't have fun, but I'm not ready for such commitment RIGHT NOW. My sister says that I overthink but getting steady with someone is scary!

    • Show All
    • He's already part of my life and I have no problem having him around.
      I'll sound like I'm contradicting myself, but here it goes: I do want a long lasting relationship, but not right now. On the long term, of course I do want to get married and have kids, but now is not the moment. I don't feel ready for that kind of commitment. Right now, I want to date around, see other guys, etc. I do know what I want in a guy and O has everything. It's not that I don't want to settle with him, on the contrary. But I don't want to settle now.

    • Then ask him to wait hand and foot for u till u explore your ''options''
      And if he is a catch, he won't wait around.
      A girl did this to. Me, she thought i will wait for her but i dumped her ass and now she cries and begs and uploads sad songs and poems on instagram for me lol.
      If u were to take my opinion then go for the reliable guy, im not saying marry him right now, im saying be with him, date him.. have sex with him etc..
      U dont know how good it feels to date a person who u have so much in common.

What Girls Said 2

  • Ditch them both. Find someone third.

    • Gosh, you had an amazing timing saying that! My ex is trying to get back in touch with me, but there's no way I'm talking to this sucker, haha!

  • Hun I AM NOT reading all that. Just choose the hottest guy that's what i would do

    • Look... they're both very attractive, so... the choice is incredibly hard.