He's sweet but I think he wants my social circle?

So there's this guy I'm friends with. He's such a gentleman. He opens doors for me, walks everywhere with me, picks me up and drives me home whenever there's a party. He seems worried about what I'll think of him so he watches what he says.

I find him attractive - dear god I do...

It's not all about his looks and how he treats me, though. He's a self made man. He looks after his parents, he works hard every day and yet makes time for his friends. he manages things well. He's also very respectful of people and I've seen him always stick up for people and especially women.

He has his faults... I'm not blind to them. He isn't perfect but I like the whole person.


The community we live in has a very obvious class system. There are those that are old rich and those that are new rich. The old rich don't tend to have much money left and yet the new rich really want to be more like the 'upper class' old rich. While these distinctions don't bother me as I'm part of the old rich that have lost their wealth, but they matter to him. He is new rich - and I can tell he hates it. Despite the fact that his family's fortune is clearly his own making. That's one hell of a man.

and yet he is in awe of my life. That I mix with the right crowd. He wants them to be his friends and for him to be accepted by them..

We haven't crossed any point past friends...

i think he knows I like him, I think he knows I've been giving him opportunities to ravish me. I think we have chemistry but that he doesn't want to fuck up his chance at being my friend and maybe getting my social circle. But he also seems so sweet. He seems to genuinely care about me... But I can't shake the feeling that he wants my contacts and that's all.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sure there's truth in your suspicions and eventually he may either drop you after you've served him as a ladder but also he may keep you AND your friends as if YOU are what made them attractive, not vice versa as you fear.
    So what to do?
    Create your golden parachute... what you end up of his IF he drops you later... and proceed as if there are no suspicions and get in love with this man in all ways possible.

    • What could I keep? I mean I earn enough so I don't need the one thing that other people would care about... I just like him.

      The subject seems moot though as he seems to be ignoring me. I don't even message him every day - I am very careful to give him space cause I like him so much and guys hate women who need them. :'(

      Thing is I know he won't completely disappear because I know it's important to him that I introduce him to my social circles... But it's clear that he isn't into me in any other way. He said he'd call to make a plan but he still hasn't and it's been days. I just wrote once that yeah it would nice and I look forward to it... I wasn't expectig a reply to that but the weekend is here :(

      Maybe he's just using the whole 'We haven't talked, kissed or anything' thing - but the light touching, the flirty jokes, the sweet moments...

      Maybe they were all in my head. Sigh. This is what happens when I stop paying attention to work and instead start to notice men

    • Show All
    • So you think I should reach out instead of waiting? At the beginning of our friendship I noticed that if he can't or won't attend an outing with friends, he goes off the grid - doesn't respond to text messages or calls. I don't want it to be okay for him to start ignoring me now that we've been flirty touching etc.

      It's very unlikely that he could find an in to my social circle that is better than me, but I'll keep your advice in mind that he may be trying elsewhere.

      Sigh. I really like him. Maybe it's good he's being a bit of an ass - it'll help me to get a bit angry and not let him get away with everything.

      Thanks for writing so much - I've been really confused and upset.

    • "So you think I should reach out instead of waiting?"
      NO - not to anyone that has contributed (even if unknowingly) to this:
      "I've been really confused and upset."

      You say he wants to break into this group of friends
      then he was eager to attend
      now he goes silent when can't/(won't?) go
      ... says to me that he doesn't feel very comfortable among those friends!
      What say you to that? Have I been blown off course?
      If I'm correct, then you might have a chance with this guy (is he an engineer or other socially backward type?) so long as your dates don't include people making him feel uncomfortable.

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • May be try to keep away what you think he is after and see if he sticks around for a sufficiently long period of time. Define a time frame such as 6 months or 1 year within which you can get to know him better, build a good friendship and all but still be on guard. Say something on the lines of having a strictly close social circle and that you don't normally let people inside it mingle with each other, like ever. Or may be my social circle is only accessible to family or something similar.

    This strategy of 'not giving' has always worked for me with men who wanted sex but nothing else, this might work for you too. After all, a person with any 'ulterior' motives stays only when he has enough hope of getting what he wants.

    • Hi - I have actually been doing that. But he's always so busy with work but when I see him he gives me all his attention... So it's very difficult to know what he's thinking. We also haven't actually had anything romantic between us... It's just feelings.