Ghosting after first few dates - is it okay?

I feel like ghosting is so common these days, especially with dating apps (which isn't really surprising). I'm only talking about ghosting after dates 1 through 3 - is that still okay? I know you are trying to get to know someone to see if you're interested, but for me, I will tell someone as soon as I know that I'm not interested. I don't think many people are similar anymore. It seems that no one thinks it's important to extend the courtesy of saying "I had fun with you but I'm not interested in you romantically," and instead they give you the silent treatment, as if that's just as respectful. It's not that I'm that attached to these guys, but man I've noticed just how common it is - and I really thought more people were like me (in being direct).

  • Yes, you barely know each other so it seems natural.
  • No. It's just common courtesy to directly cut to the chase, and it's cowardly to ghost.
  • It depends - and I'll answer in a comment
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What Guys Said 2

  • do u really tell someone if ur not interested? do u really? they already decided ur not worth the time. why would they give a fuck about ur "feelings"?

    • ... I'm pretty sure you misunderstood something along the way. I meant that I don't ghost people, instead I tell them politely that I'm not interested (that is, if they've given me reason to believe they're still interested - like constant texts or asking for another date). So no, in that case they haven't decided I'm not worth the time. They've decided that when they ghost me, and I"m just wondering why more people aren't just straightforward

    • i told u. they decided u werent worth the time to put in effort to let u know.

    • Okay I get that. You just put it in a way that sounded really rude at first, but if you're trying to put forth the harsh reality that people like that don't even think you're worth explaining that you're not interested, that makes sense.

  • if you stick to societies stupid rules of dating you're gonna end up realizing how stupid you're being.

    you got feelings? act the way you want by being yourself and go for it.

    • I mean I definitely do haha I'm still sticking to my way of doing things - but I just was curious on how many people really think this is okay.

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    • I find it disrespectful and a turn off. I've had a guy respond to me like a day later which was just weird, but I didn't consider that on the same level as someone completely and utterly cutting off contact.

    • it's not the same level, but it's still bad. honestly like that would piss me off, because I don't know if he is playing games or if she is not interested but she's just being nice and trying to send me a hint saying she isn't interested.

      thats why I prefer to be straight up, saves time, saves effort, thats it.

What Girls Said 1

  • Well I mean if I went on 1 date with a guy and didn't feel the chemistry, I would firstly try to ghost out. If he doesn't text me afterwards, neither will I, and it's pretty clear then where we stand. Or if he texts me once, I might ignore it so that he gets the hint. But if he keeps on texting, I will tell him straight forward that I'm not interested. And I expect them to do the same.

    • That's a good rule of thumb. I think I was talking more about after a first date, like dates 2 and 3 (though I said 1 through 3) or even date 4 when you're talking a lot more and you both have had fun together. But I think that's a good idea either way.

    • But I would rather get ghosted any time then be led on. It's the worst feeling. The guy I was recently dating led me on for a month, with stupid excuses. He would make me think that he ghosted and then he would reappear again. I had to drag it out of him to tell me that he is just not interested. I hate when I have to be too forward. I think they literally play the "I'm not interested but I'm not gonna say it until she asks" card, which is so fucking dumb and rude. I wasted a month of my life figuring out this dude and rejecting few other guys, just so he could tell me "I'm not interested in dating you, but I would really like us to be friends!". I rejected the friendship offer, of course.

    • I hate having to be too forward too!!! That's just not who I am. It's a lot of cowardice, honestly. I like to cut to the chase, but that's not always the case with people. Also the friendship offer is so strange and seems insincere (no offense I'm sure you're cool, I mean it's just weird haha). It's like okay... you don't want to date me but by offering friendship you seem to still want to be around me... so what's your deal?